Would you question if your child said something ?

[Needtolosetheweight]

Dd is only 3, loves playing in the garden but all of a sudden doesn't want to play out there and told me that grandma told her there's scary monsters out there, would you ask grandma what's been said or assume dd is lying ?
Bit out the blue for dd she's usually very confident etc

Her reaction was a bit much, but I wouldn't have texted her about this, just said "no, there are no monsters".

Also when you say "I'm not pointing fingers but...." it means "I am pointing the finger. At you. But I want to defuse your reaction to the accusation I am about to make." Which is seemingly understandable in your MIL's case, but still.

Your MIL has acknowledged that you had to ask and would like to put it all behind you. I think that sounds good.

I suspect much of this has come from communicating by text message instead of picking up the phone.

Tricky topic + text message = recipe for disaster

That sounds like a massive overreaction from MIL. And one that would make me suspicious that your DD was upset over something that MIL had deliberately said.

There wasn’t anything wrong with asking MIL about it in the first place, sometimes kids that age do misinterpret things adults say and get themselves all worked up over it.

Like the time we took the DC to a wood with a Gruffalo trail. DH made a throwaway comment about how we should look out for a Gruffalo on the walk, and the next thing we know, DC2 (3 yrs old at the time) was howling in terror and refusing to go in the woods because he thought a real live Gruffalo would appear and eat him.

Sometimes it's easy to accidentally scare a child with a little joke or comment. I remember when my DD was about 3 or 4 and she accidentally threw a ball into some bushes. DH said he would go in and get it but he better be careful of the tigers! She freaked out massively about tigers living in our bushes and cried for ages, DH felt terrible of course. Perhaps grandma just said something like that - obviously she should just let you know but may be upset that your little one is upset. It took DD about 2 days to forget about it btw so I wouldn't over think it.

I think she’s guilty. Massive overreaction.
You’ll need to work on your dc with ‘there are no monsters in the garden, isn’t granny silly’. What a stupid thing for her to say 🙄

I don’t know if I started a statement I’m not being racist but ...... you would assume the next thing out of my mouth was a racist statement.
I would read that text as you were accusing me and would be upset if I hadn’t actually done anything.

No it wasn't said like that, I just merely said I wasn't pointing the finger I just wanted to understand so either I can help dd or tell dd it's not nice to make up lies

"No really, not accusing anyone of anything- I expect she's picked up on some completely innocuous comment, just trying to work out what."
Meanwhile I think you and DD need to do a quick circuit of the garden with your trusty monster zapping spoon.
I'm sure your DD isn't deliberately lying, could be anything, even a dream.

I agree with the pp anything that starts with I am not (insert whatever) but, automatically reads as though you are, so in this case if I was sent this message I would assume you were indeed pointing the finger and also assuming that you did hold me responsible for deliberately upsetting your DD.

The message didn't start like that I told her what dd had said and then said I'm not pointing the finger I just want to know if anything's been said ie a game played or anything

But as soon as you say 'I'm not pointing the finger' it comes off as if you are, or else why would that even come into your mind?

I agree with her reaction speaks volumes

I mean if it happened to me I would laugh and say “oh we were playing monster chase. Obviously it scared her. I won’t do it anymore” if something like that happened.

The fact she won’t give you answer is worrying

If there is nothing wrong and you’re blowing it out of proportion, she would give you an answer

Have you asked your daughter why she said that and why she now thinks there are monsters in the garden?
Ok she said GM has said but have you got the full picture, as mush as you can do from a little one ?

Yes spoke to dd, reassured her no monsters took her outside to show her etc, she's told me several times grandma said it

I've name changed since my op but just have an update for anyone who's interested ( I know I go on abit )

So since I asked his mum what was said she's ignored me on every video call, not acknowledged the Mother's Day card and flowers, usually on video call she will ask where I am every time but is clearly avoiding me BUT tonight my dd on video call said she didn't like a certain cartoon and his mum says " no I don't like that one either it's SCARY "
She's also told dd that snakes are scary and dinosaurs bite !! So a week ago she was crying because I had accused her and now she's telling dd some cartoon is scary !

Lol sounds like granny couldn’t be arsed supervising garden play

Did she tell/read her a story out there?

Just ask 🤷‍♀️

@Elsia she's not been round this year due to covid so this would have been said over the phone, just don't get how she can get so offended and upset and be dramatic how dare I accuse her to then saying that the cartoon is scary 🤦‍♀️

@DenisetheMenace I did ask and she blew it out of proportion told partner I'd really upset her etc, then tonight she's told my dd a cartoon Is scary, after being so upset that I accused her when in reality she is telling dd things are scary !

Way I see it....if you love and trust your mother in law you wouldn't have to ask if she said that. Because you would know she didn't. Kids get things wrong all the time. I would have assumed there was a monster game/story/conversation about a monster and dd put 2 and 2 together and got 5. I watch my niece and nephew all the time and if my sister asked me if I said that my reaction would be wta you know I wouldn't why are you asking me that. I think your mil is owed an apology. Her reaction speaks of someone who is shocked and hurt that she has to defend what she has said to her granddaughter. Should have been a phone call minimum not a text stating "I am not pointing the finger" when the text goes on to point a finger.

Why would I say sorry to her ? She's told my kid this evening that a cartoon is scary ?! Why would you tell a 3 year old anything is scary?

Why not call instead of text and even saying something is scary I can't see the big deal

I think you might be being a bit oversensitive to "scary" now. Understandably. That sounds like a normal sort of conversation to have. Child says they don't like something, adult agrees and models giving a reason for like/dislike. Child can then either agree with the reason or give their own reason.