Picky Eater

[Blueberries0112]

I have a daughter who is extremely picky eater (I think she has a texture issue). I am trying to decide how to handle it.
My sister loves to cook but my daughter will not try any food. I often begged her to take a bite. Sometimes she does, sometimes she doesn’t.
What I don’t like is how she expressed herself when she doesn’t like the food. Like splitting it out or says says she doesn’t like it even before she give it a chance.

Usually, I had let her express herself and accepted and move on when she says she foesn’t like it and I prefer not to pressure her but my sister told her it is rude when someone is trying to cook for her and expect her to at least try it. What would you do?

How old is your DD

She is 8 years old

You haven't said how old your daughter is?

But essentially - stop hassling, stop asking, stop begging. Put food on the table, visibly enjoy the food, make meals relaxed, give loads of choice.

See a GP if you are worried she is not having a balanced diet or eating enough in general.

And stop eating with your sister who is 100% wrong and not helping.

Can I caveat this answer with the fact this is only based on the limited information you have provided because age of child, situation when you eat at sisters etc etc all might I.pact on the answer. But...

I don't think she should be made to try the food. She won't like it, doesn't want to eat it, and can't help her reaction.

That is not to say that you don't need to deal with her eating....you do.....at home.

As you know she has an issue it is cruel to put her in a situation she can't cope with. (As long as your daughter refuses politely then that is OK.)

She will eat the food I cook. Including fruits and veggies. Just simple kid meals.

Yeah, I am not going to worry about it, I will continue to make what our daughter likes to eat. My sister is staying with us because of job loss

Don’t make a fuss, put it on a plate. If she tries it great if not don’t worry, just everyone carry on.

DD will feel and sense pressure then you end up with whole focus becomes stressful even at mention of mealtimes.

Tell your sister to back off. Try new foods at home in your own comfortable surroundings. Introduce new food one at time along with something DD will eat. If she has issues with food textures which I get constantly serving up new foods will be overwhelming and unlikely to try.

If she spits it out, give her tissue to spit it in, getting them to even taste it can be achievement.

Think they say you have to try foods at least twice or five times before you know if you don’t like it.

Sure your get some better helpful advice.

Sorry I was typing whilst you updated

My son's 6 and not great on food. If I get him to try anything new, even if he spits it out he gets a massive well done for trying. I don't force anything as above, put it on the table with stuff she does like and maybe once in a blue moon she'll try it . Also, as above, I give him kitchen roll when trying something new so he can spit it out if he wants to and that relieves some of the anxiety. Good luck.

When my dc were little we had a sniff it and lick it rule. If it was being served then you had to sniff it and lick it but were then completely entitled to leave it on the side of the plate. Dramatic yucks were not allowed either as someone had spent time and money making the food, so politeness was required. Somehow knowing they wouldnt have to put any food in their mouths destressed alot of the battles

I think it's unreasonable to force an 8 year old child to eat something they don't want, especially one with textural issues. I think
work on politely declining/not spitting it out overtly if she has tried and doesn't like something. Sounds cliché, but cooking together really helps if you've not done so already.
Your sister needs to back off though. Don't let this become a huge issue. Kids can sometimes exert control with food.

My nearly 8 year old DS also has these problems with food. It's obviously different as your sister has just moved in and is prob trying to help by cooking for the kids /you. I agree with pp with even trying it is amazing and a well done and keep a tissue by the side...again my child will eat what you give simple pastaodr veggies and fruits but new or diff textures he's unwilling.

Never make food a battle, you'll create more issues than you'll ever solve.

Respect your child and their boundaries.

I was a fairly picky eater as a child, and I often found it very embarrassing, so I agree with the others to not make it seem like a big deal to her. At the same time, though, I would recommend talking to her and asking if she could just try one small bite of everything. If she does not like it, she does not need to continue eating. That's how my parents handled it with me and it worked very well because your taste evolves over time and you just need to keep trying!

@Blueberries0112

Yeah, I am not going to worry about it, I will continue to make what our daughter likes to eat. My sister is staying with us because of job loss

Have a quiet word with your sister then - it is actually your sister being rude, not your daughter.

Don't force your DD to eat anything.

I was an extremely picky eater as a child and I was so embarrassed by it. When I went over to friends houses for dinner I had to ask my mum to check what they were serving in case I didn't like it. When we went out to a restaurant I used to work myself up so much worrying that there would be nothing on the menu that I would eat I felt physically sick with anxiety, which didn't help the eating!

I'm not fussy at all now as an adult so it's sorted itself out over time. I'd have hated to be forced to eat things I don't like and it probably would have made me physically vomit.

I would perhaps address the spitting out as that's not great table manners but for now I'd just give her what she likes.

@Blueberries0112

She will eat the food I cook. Including fruits and veggies. Just simple kid meals.

Sounds like the problem is your sister, not your daughter. She needs to stop policing her at meal times. Maybe you need a conversation to reminder her that you are her parent and don't want her to develop an unhealthy relationship with food so you are not going to force her to try things, just let her when she is ready?

Definitely don’t force her! I was like this as a child, it was all to do with textures and I would get into a real state if there was something on my plate I didn’t like the look of. Having tea at friend’s houses and going out for meals was a real ordeal too as it would make me very anxious. I have gradually improved over the years but fortunately my friends and family are very understanding and know not to suggest restaurants which would cause me an issue. I have a terrible relationship with food now as a result of being forced to eat as a child, don’t subject your daughter to this. What’s interesting is that my dad and one of my sisters have the same issue. I can remember my Stepmother saying that my sister wouldn’t grow up being as ridiculous as me when it came to eating! Do not make this an issue for your daughter and definitely have a word with your sister.

Hi everyone,
Please help me whoever gone through this.
My 15 months old hates everythibg, milk, water, foods.. (except yogurt and cucumber, abit of cracker,thats all)
He hates bottle when he was a baby (all kind), he tried to wean himself when he was 6months but we didnt let him bcz we didnt know to feed him milk bcz he cried so much when he saw bottles. We strecthed to 12months and stop breastfed. After that untill now i still have to feed him milk by using sryine and force him, same as water, he hates all cup.. :(
He was ok with solids food untill 11 months, he was quiet eat mostly of everything, spoon fed and he fed himself as well.
But The moment he turned 1 years old, meals time are nightmares, he chucked everyhting on the floor or pushed thing away, cried and cried, at first i thought could be he was teething, but it was going like this for 5 months already, i spoon fed him, and now i had to force him, he could go without solid foods for 4 days,then that time i had to increase the milk to feed him because i am afraid he didnt have enough calories.
I still let him touch all the foods,feed himself whatever he likes and play with dofferent textures, show him when i cook, no tv, soft music only.. i have tried all, he still hates foods.
We went to doctor today, he gained only tiny of weight less than 1lbs in a month (from yogurt and milk only) but he didnt grow of his height. But Doctor say he is fine, and doctor said let he starve then he will eat?? Im not sure that i can be good idea that for picky eater?
I am wondering that there is anyone go through this? Please share with me? I am so much stress, i cry everyday, why is he giving so much hard time??
I am so sorry for a long post.
But really really appreciate for your help.

@Newmum912. Totally random question but have you checked or Dr looked to see if he got tongue tie?

As long as he getting fluids I wouldn’t be worried about water one of mine refused unless I held my cup to him and then most of it went down him.

DS liked those milk ice lollies which I’d hold. Food time was very messy affair.

The Dr sounds like using that old book of bad school advice.

I can imagine that food is very stressful time for you both. Do you have routine meal times or is it random. Am much as you try to appear chilled kids know and simplest thing has to happen ie mine gagged on banana and that set tone for all foods for awhile so took lots of coxing.

Another idea if not tried something like sitting on sofa with him watching tv you eating ie a banana paying attention to tv - not offering him any, kids are very inquisitive and there is no pressure on you or him.

Another idea is to put food say on coffee table that ok for him to eat, it really can be small steps first him getting used to seeing it there but no pressure to eat, then he might start touching it, squeezing it etc. Make sure it ok to have it where u don’t mind mess.

Another trick is to get him to smell, you could do that with yoghurt he eats, get him to smell it & keep doing that. You do it too let mummy smell your yoghurt - kind of diverts focus of just eating. After few days ask him to smell a food but don’t expect or ask him to eat it. It’s kind of leading horse to water trick.

Lastly cut yourself some slack, take deep breath and remember you will get there, it really is trial & error. Do check he has no issues with mouth - lip or tongue tie.

Please don't put your daughter in situations that she can't cope with, or have her around people who are rude (like your sister) and will point out her issues.

Even now, at 51, I still have food issues (yes, texture is a huge part of it) and eat only a small variety of foods. I don't accept invitations to eat at other people's houses etc to avoid any embarrassment. I still cringe and feel shame when I think back to awkward incidents when I was young.

This is something to be worked on in private.

@Clydesider apologies this thread is few months old so op probably done with it. It was in my notifications of someone commenting in it, which was 4days another mum asking about her son and food

@Clydesider

Please don't put your daughter in situations that she can't cope with, or have her around people who are rude (like your sister) and will point out her issues.

Even now, at 51, I still have food issues (yes, texture is a huge part of it) and eat only a small variety of foods. I don't accept invitations to eat at other people's houses etc to avoid any embarrassment. I still cringe and feel shame when I think back to awkward incidents when I was young.

This is something to be worked on in private.

This . All of this.

I'm 32 and still have a lot of texture and food issues even now. Please please let her take her time in trying new things, even if it's still left on the plate at the end of the meal.

I don't eat at other peoples houses unless I know they have something I can eat, or have taken small things to eat (In-laws are the hardest for me to deal with, as I can't just disappear at meal times.)

Also, talk to your sister about her comments. Your DD doesn't need to hear them, she's 8, that is still young when to comes to broadening her horizons on food.

My DP just read over my shoulder and said "I hope you put in something about me and the seperate meals, or the restrictions in cooking when doing something for us both" - and I was going to, I'm glad that DP understands, hasn't tried to force me into trying new things unless he has my consent to add something new to a dish, and has been extremely patient with me when I have tried something and left most of it because I couldn't handle the new thing.

Also, best (worst) part of meeting someone new who wants to know of any diatry requirements is me saying "It's easier to say the things I can eat than can't..."

Agree don't force her but I understand your sister's frustration with her niece spitting when other people are eating .it is not acceptable and she is old enough to display some manners,not drawing attention to herself and making the meal unpleasant for others.

Quite a bit younger than your DD but DS14 went through a phase as a 2/3 year old and I definitely think it was texture related as well as maybe a bit of laziness with cutlery.

I kept introducing him to new foods but always with a sensible crunchy/handy accompaniment eg poppadoms with curry, garlic bread or crusty bread with a lot of things, even tortilla chips as the carb of a meal. He enjoyed the balance and learned about eating foods together from a texture point of view. He's fine with absolutely everything now barring tuna and salmon. Still occasionally has a roast dinner without gravy though which re-enforces the texture theory for me.

As for the situation overall, as with PP, create as little fuss/drama around it as posible.