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to be very very angry at old friend?

10 replies

shoptilidrop · 07/11/2007 08:47

going back about 12 years i used to hang about with a group of 5 friends, 3 girls and 3 boys. we were best of mates for 3 years or so. Things changed when i got married a few years later and moved away. The boys were quite rude about my choices and lifestyle. We all lost contact and have just moved on really. I moved back to my home town last year. Word got out and i kept getting emails wanting to arrange a meet up. I wasnt in the frame of mind, id moved back as dh and i had been having problems, and had actually just seperated, i had a 6 month old baby and had to live at my dads for a few months. I was horribly embarassed and just needed time to sort things out. Well a year on things are all fine and dh and i are back on track. i have a house and job and feel much for secure. So i have agreed to a meet up. 4 of the six have agreed dates late jan 07 as most people are busy with the run up to xmas.
One of them ( boy, and we did actaully date for a while and has been funny to me since) sent me an email saying why couldnt we meet up sooner. I replied with that i was busy and everyone else had said they were too. He said he didnt belive i could be busy and what was i doing. So i gave him a week by week account. AND he has responded saying' excuses excuses' and just generally been shitty with me.
Im pissed off. Im on my own at the momment, i work, my dd is 21 months, and ive the house and dog to sort out all on my own as dh is in germany. DH is back 1st week in dec and i want to see him not old friends. ( havent seen him since aug)
AIBU to expect someone to respect that when i say im busy, im busy and not have to explain myself to anyone? And should i just not bother with the meet up now.

OP posts:

Lazarou · 07/11/2007 08:51

He obviously still likes you! He also sounds like a bit of a stalker.


Lazarou · 07/11/2007 08:54

Oh and to answer your question. No it's not unreasonable, but I would still meet up with teh others, probably in secret!


shoptilidrop · 07/11/2007 08:54

well i doubt that, hes got a gf and a toddler himself now.
he did keep sending me things on facebook, so i cancelled my account for a while. Just before i got married he kept asking me if i wanted to ( you know ) for old times sake. DH was very angry and almost knocked him out when i told him about it
I cant really be doing with it, i know noone of us have anything in common any more.
Am i over reacting?

OP posts:

phdlifeneedsanewname · 07/11/2007 09:02

If you're interested enough in the others to arrange a date, then go, if only to confirm to yourself you've got nothing in common any more. It's sad(ish) but fact of life. As for him, I'd stay away tbh - agree with Lazarou - he is trying to get you to do stuff with/for him and that can never be good for your relationship with your dh. (If he wants to mess around on his gf, and it seems like he does, that's his biz.) At the very least, if he can't be more understanding, he doesn't sound like the sort of person you need in your life!


lou33 · 07/11/2007 09:12

He definitely sounds as tho he has more on his mind than just a catch up with old friends


SweetFA · 07/11/2007 09:19

Sorry, he does sound like a complete nob. I think you sound quite vulnerable at the moment which is why you are finding it hard to just ignore him, say no etc.
You need to allow yourself to get mightily pissed off at his rudeness, 'wtf' is a good place to start!
Then just blatantly ignore anything else he sends you, and if you have no choice at some point, just say 'I'm sorry, please leave me alone because I have moved on and am not interested.'
There is no way his behaviour is acceptable - who the heck is he to question what you are doing??
If you do want to meet the others, fine, but if you don't, then don't get dragged along just to be polite.
It isn't worth it, they all sound like thye are jealous and want to drag you back to their way of life.
I'd ignore them all personally or make excuses.
Take care x


skeletonbones · 07/11/2007 09:22

He sounds like a pain in the arse,and if he has tried to pester you for a nostalgic jump into the sack in the past when he knew you were attached, I would say hes definately trouble and not a decent bloke to be around. I would ignore any further emails from him if it was me, what sort of meet up is it?
If its a short lunchtime meet up or something I would probably go, but if its a long boozy night out somewhere far away from home which involves you having to get cabs with people/stay over with people I probably wouldn't as more potential for him to be creepy with you.


bluejelly · 07/11/2007 09:40

Agree with skeleton. Don't let him make you feel guilty, he is the totally OTT


shoptilidrop · 07/11/2007 09:43

do you really think so?
he did say what about meeting up at someones house...and staying over. theres no way that would happen.

It was going to be a long boozy night. TBH i wont really want to be drinking as we will be ttcing from when dh gets home.

If he emails again ill ignore it.
thanks all, nice to know im not just being weirdly anti social.

OP posts:

skeletonbones · 07/11/2007 11:52

I would totally give it a miss in that case then, it sounds like you will almost definately be put in a tricky situation if you do. Hes being pushy and seems desperate to get you to come, and wants you to stop over, he's propositioned you in the past.If you go you'll probably end up with him trying it on with you, you having to knock him back,you possibly feeling uncomfortable or vunerable and having to go home early/shell out for a cab at short notice ect, sounds disasterous TBH. If you still want to meet up with the others could you try arranging a going for a pub lunch or something in the day somewhere so you can catch up without putting yourself at risk of upset/drama?

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