To ask women and girls to walk with candles tonight at 6pm - in your local park or wherever you choose

[loveyouradvice]

The vigil for Sarah at 6pm tonight in Clapham Common has been cancelled. All the planned vigils have been cancelled. By the police.

But we are all allowed to walk - in our households or with one friend socially distanced.

Would you tonight consider walking with a candle?

Perhaps encourage others to walk too?

Even tell them where you might be going?

And courage calls to courage everywhere... Janice Turner's tweet summed it up perfectly - pasted below

@TheABC
I would be very happy to hear about and support all ways to address gender-based violence. Whilst the vigil gets a spotlight on the issue, we do need to look for longer-lasting action.

Eradication of violent porn?
Funding for better victim support in DV and family courts?
A push for more rape prosecutions?
A campaign against catcalling and public transport harassment?

This is one of the best posts I have seen here today . Yes to all of this . It’s is about a shift in respect and all of the above is something we should all be campaigning for .

@loveyouradvice

The reason that they don’t want the vigil is obviously covid . Not dismissing the sentiment of how women feel .

Walking with a candle will achieve what? Will it prevent a women being killed by her abusive husband? Will it prevent another woman being killed like Sarah Everard?

The answer is that it will achieve nothing in which case it's virtue signalling and you are doing it to feel good about yourself.

Three women a week were killed last year, where were your candlelit walks for them? Because by far the majority were killed by men in their life . What's the difference?

What about the young men who were murdered? Aren't they worth remembering?

I am sure that the men who walk around with fists raised and their dick sticking out who wonder, "now, where can I stick this", will have their mindset completely altered by hearing some nice women went for a nice walk with a candle.

This is more useless virtue signalling like the clap for the NHS crap.

You do what you want, think what you want, it's your right but don't ask me to breach Covid guidelines for something so banal.

Many women have known for years, that there is danger on the streets whilst walking alone, and the fear of being attacked, by cruel and nasty psycho men. Lighting candles and vigils etc,will not make any difference. Lighting a candle and placing some flowers somewhere, should mainly be for the lovely woman who was murdered by a psycho police guy.

Fuck candles.

I can't go as I'm like 200 miles away, but if I did it would be to protest not for any wishy washy "awareness raising". I grew up with DV, was gang-raped at 20, then had my own DV after that. And that's just the big things

I want to protest, and I don't want to be peaceful about it. I want to break shit.
I won't, but I want to. I'm fucking angry.

If nothing more, this is a good opportunity to bring to light what it is to be a woman in todays society, to the men in our lives, to the young unassuming teenagers that we have, who do not at this point realise the difference that their gender makes to the situation.

I will be going out this evening with my family. I have spoken to my husband and my father this weekend about the harassment I and my teen daughter have both had to face.
It has been discussed that the harmless comments made by men are the gateway to these behaviours being accepted.
With my husband, I had to explain that even his dad thinking women wearing shorts means they want to be looked at is representative of the problem.
I explained to my dad that his friend, who he sees as an upstanding man, shouts leery things at women as they walk down the road. I know because he's done it to me.

Men who aren't like this, need to be our allies. They need to really understand what is going on, I genuinely think many don't understand what we face.

All the whataboutery here 🙄 sometimes something happens that catches the zeitgeist and has a bigger impact - hopefully driving change through awareness and collective rage/grief. Using historical lack of action or the same being applied to different issues is such a pointless contribution to the discussion. Well done, you’ve noticed that there are thousands of inequalities in the world, let’s tackle none of them.

I agree with PP, protest is more effective and it’s a shame that they can’t happen. Covid risk is very low outside - especially masked up and socially distant.

@Iceskatingfan

TheABC, as a victim of domestic abuse purely from that side of things, if you want ideas, I think we should be educating young teenagers in school about healthy and unhealthy relationships, what the red flags are etc. We should encourage women to speak to their friends about worrying signs in their relationship, even if they are married or have just had a child. And to start collecting “evidence” even if they’re not sure yet if what they are dealing with is abuse. There needs to be mandatory domestic abuse training for police, social services, healthcare workers and everyone involved in the family (and criminal) courts. The family courts should start taking allegations of domestic abuse a whole lot more seriously. And we should be demanding much better government funding of refugees and domestic abuse charities, and a removal of the hoops people need to jump through to get legal aid for family court in a domestic abuse scenario, including means testing.

These are all good points and well worth pursuing, @Iceskatingfan.

I am currently looking into campaigns and places where I can make a practical difference (for some of the points I listed above). I will add in the schools training. I am also wondering if we should kick off a campaign via Mumsnet, calling for mandatory domestic abuse training to be enshrined in law. Whilst not everyone can donate time or money, most of us could write to our MPs.

Fluffy even if raising not awareness doesn't help (and I disagree with that) if women want to do this how will it hurt?

I've been a victim and will put a battery tea light in a jar on my doorstep.I want to start actions that may effect change. Tonight, together with donating I figure is as good a place as any to start.

@notanothertakeaway

I'm in two minds about this

Anything which raises awareness is usually a good thing. But, do we really need to be informed that some men pose a danger to women?

And, I don't hear of rallies every time a young black man is stabbed. I can't help feeling Sarah Everard's tragic death has attracted more publicity because she was white and middle class

And, after clap for the NHS, I feel that standing on your doorstep or going for a walk is virtue signalling / empty gesture. There are better ways to address gender based violence

This. Absolutely spot on. Yes the murder was despicable. Yes it should be condemned but we should get angry about anybody subjected to violence and murder and rape etc etc.

And with respect this thread is specific to Sarah, remembering her and the many murdered women everywhere.

Points about other victims are totally valid but on a thread discussing a vigil, are just a derail. Please start another and I'm sure many of us will happily discuss how male on male violence has to stop.

Yes I shall be I shall use the light on my phone (very windy here)

And light a candle when I get home

@FluffyHippo I am not doing this to feel virtuous. I am doing this to remember those lives who have been stolen and to show my daughters that yes they should be safe to walk the streets and no they shouldn’t need to change their behaviour.

This is not a competition to who is most at risk or to wether more men than woman are at risk it’s about everyone having freedom without fear.

//// SecretSquirrel summed up perfectly thank you x

SO it was OK for the #BLM protests to go ahead last year when we were still in lockdown, but NOT OK for this protest for Sarah Everard to go ahead...

I see how it is.

I see EXACTLY how it is!

I hope the fucking protest happens anyway!

Three women a week were killed last year, where were your candlelit walks for them? Because by far the majority were killed by men in their life . What's the difference?

////

Personally for me I'm just so sick of it all now. So sick. My taking action now does not mean I value those lost before any less. And I've been a victim of male violence so with respect, saying I'm virtue signalling is bollocks.

This is well meaning but in all honesty I'm not sure what a walk with a candle will to to raise awareness taht her tragic murder hasn't?

To everyone saying ‘who doesn’t know that women are at risk of violence from men?’- the answer to that is: lots of people. Lots of men in particular are astonished at our ‘normal’.

@littlepattilou

SO it was OK for the #BLM protests to go ahead last year when we were still in lockdown, but NOT OK for this protest for Sarah Everard to go ahead...

I see how it is.

I see EXACTLY how it is!

I hope the fucking protest happens anyway!

I feel like these type of comments are creating a devision where there is none except for the police. Please also remember the law has actually changes since then. Its totally wrong the vigil can't go ahead. But please don't make this an issue of pitting one against the other.

It's not one or the other. BLM and this issue have lots in common.

"To everyone saying ‘who doesn’t know that women are at risk of violence from men?’- the answer to that is: lots of people. Lots of men in particular are astonished at our ‘normal’

^^Abso-fucking-lutely this!!

The very fact that people whine "we all know it's an issue" is a problem. STOP accepting this as normal as though it's just how things are! People shouldn't have to put up with neanderthal behaviour from men - it's not "boys will be boys" or "lad culture" - sexual assault, general sexualisation, violent assault and rape shouldn't be justified because the perp has a dick.

The fact that society needs to be reminded of this in 2021 is shocking!

Let's not descends into whataboutery. The BLM movement went global because of the shocking death of one man. But that death wasn't the first either. It just sometimes needs events to reach a tipping point. George Floyd's murder was a tipping point. Sarah Everard's may be another. It's up to all of us to convert that anger into a movement for change.

Well, I live on my own, so going for a walk tonight to the Common with a candle isn't going to do anything other than put me at risk of being attacked myself. Staying in and making a donation to a women's charity like the Suzy Lamplugh Trust seems to be a smarter way to pay my respects.

It's horribly sad. But a candle isn't going to bring her back. Far more important to start the conversation with men about their behaviour - and most importantly, about not tacitly condoning the behaviour of other men.

I have a poster up and a sign. I will light a candle but its windy. I will keep my torch lit on doorstep.

Will not walking change things . No

Will walking highlight things yes
Has doing nothing ever changed anything no
Can we walk, and sign petitions and donate yes
Its not either or its about doing what we can

@tellmewhentheLangshiplandscoz

Three women a week were killed last year, where were your candlelit walks for them? Because by far the majority were killed by men in their life . What's the difference?

////

Personally for me I'm just so sick of it all now. So sick. My taking action now does not mean I value those lost before any less. And I've been a victim of male violence so with respect, saying I'm virtue signalling is bollocks.

I was raped when I was in my 20s. I'm in my 70s now and rarely think of it because if I were to have made it a focus of my life then the man would have won. Far better to get on with living your life the best you can.

What do we do about the women who are staying with physically and other types of abusive men? There is a percentage of women who mistakenly believe that any man is better than no man and will choose to stay. How many of them will lose their lives? They need somehow to understand that they can lead a happy life without a man, or at least until they can find one who is not abusive.