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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Late birthday cards AIBU

31 replies

Springof2021 · 12/03/2021 08:37

I have a very small family which means not many birthday cards on special occasions, that's absolutely fine in itself but one of the two older relatives me and my DC have has a habit of always sending one late. It's looking like they haven't bothered this year.

AIBU to think if you can't be bothered to drop a card in on time for then you might aswell not bother? What use is a birthday card two weeks later.

OP posts:
MaMaD1990 · 12/03/2021 08:50

I see where you're coming from and it depends on the sort of person you are. It wouldn't really bother me if a card rocked up late, I just think "better late than never" and leave it at that. If they don't bother at all, I'd be a bit upset by that, but if this is the first year a card hasn't been sent at all, I wouldn't get too upset over it - it's been a really hard year for everyone (that saying has been done to death I know!) and maybe they're not in the best of spaces. Also, do you think they've got the date of the birthday wrong if the card rocks up late every year?

Original poster
Springof2021 · 12/03/2021 08:54

Thanks for the reply, you raise some good points.

They do know when the date is yes, I was on the phone to them last week and they mentioned it first "It's your birthday on X isn't it"

OP posts:
luxxlisbon · 12/03/2021 08:55

No, I think it is the thought that counts and I agree with "better late than never". Telling someone to not bother sending a card in future because it comes late is cutting your nose off to spite your face.

Original poster
Springof2021 · 12/03/2021 08:56

I'd never say "dont bother"

Its just me thinking out loud here.

OP posts:
Smidge001 · 12/03/2021 08:57

I'm finding it really hard in lockdown to buy cards or get stamps etc.
It's mother's day this weekend and I totally forgot back 2 weeks ago when I last did my tesco delivery, which arrived yesterday. So now my next tesco shop won't be arriving for another 10 days so I will have missed it.
Doesn't mean I don't care about my mum though. I've used up all my old cards for other people since the pandemic so I might have to use a leftover Christmas card!

rookiemere · 12/03/2021 08:59

Unless there's a huge backstory or its a GP you're being very precious.
I'm not a great one for remembering birthdays - particularly over the past year which has been a bit challenging for many of us - but I hope I am a good friend and relative.

I forgot my friends DDs birthday- like you she seems to set enormous store around everyone remembering it - and profusely apologised and sent a card and gift voucher- which tbh is the only bit the DD will be interested in anyway.

AlexaShutUp · 12/03/2021 08:59

Meh, they don't have to send a card at all - I would just appreciate that they made an effort. Some people struggle with organisational skills. I wouldn't blame them for that.

Symbion · 12/03/2021 09:00

It's a bit flakey, but people are, especially at the moment. I barely know what day of the week it is.

Hoppinggreen · 12/03/2021 09:00

It pisses me off, DH family always send things late. They aren’t busy (mil and sil don’t work) and mil used to be a postmistress so I’m pretty sure she knows how to post things on time.
For me it’s the thought that counts and if you can’t be arsed get the card/gift here on time then it’s a bit pointless as far as I’m concerned

Original poster
Springof2021 · 12/03/2021 09:02

There's a little bit of a backstory but nothing terrible.

This relative made a big deal about their birthday card being late one year although I'd just got out of hospital after being quite ill.

We usually chat on the phone several times a week but I've been a bit distant this past couple of weeks because of a pregnancy loss. I haven't told them about it and have no plans to but a part of me thinks the no card this year is a bit of a "fuck you" for not picking up the phone which feels a bit petty.

OP posts:
Mrbob · 12/03/2021 09:03

Given how the post is currently yes YABU.

Tinkity · 12/03/2021 09:06

Did they wish you a happy birthday on time by phone / text / email? Is it just the physical card that’s always late? Or the actual birthday wish itself?

Original poster
Springof2021 · 12/03/2021 09:10

@Mrbob

Given how the post is currently yes YABU.
They live within walking distance.
OP posts:
NotMeekNotObedient · 12/03/2021 09:13

I think a lot of people, especially the elderly have struggled to get out and buy cards and stamps.

We've definitely used moonpig more.

I'm usually very organised but had loads going on and sent a 'sorry it's late card' this year for the first time ever. It then took ages to get there because of the post. It doesn't mean I don't care. It's easy to forget dates when all the days are bluring into one in lockdown.

Porridgeoat · 12/03/2021 09:14

I love late birthday cards, always the same people and they make me laugh.

Original poster
Springof2021 · 12/03/2021 09:15

She'd sometimes call on the morning of the birthday as she's an early riser. No call today.

Fair point about people struggling to get stamps but I can say for certain that isn't the case with her as she buys them in bulk and sends alot of letters.

OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 12/03/2021 09:16

This relative made a big deal about their birthday card being late one year although I'd just got out of hospital after being quite ill.

Bit of a drip feed, OP.

Fairyliz · 12/03/2021 09:18

I agree op it just seems pointless to get cards several days after your birthday. If I am sending a card I always allow plenty of time for it to get there in the post. I’d rather it arrived three days early than three days late.

Original poster
Springof2021 · 12/03/2021 09:22

Bit of a drip feed, OP.

Not really, my post was a generalisation about late birthday cards.

Somebody asked if there was a backstory and I gave it.

OP posts:
FluffyMcWuffy · 12/03/2021 09:23

@Hoppinggreen

It pisses me off, DH family always send things late. They aren’t busy (mil and sil don’t work) and mil used to be a postmistress so I’m pretty sure she knows how to post things on time. For me it’s the thought that counts and if you can’t be arsed get the card/gift here on time then it’s a bit pointless as far as I’m concerned
This 100%. It doesn’t take much effort to send a card on time. Just get a calendar FFS and write people’s birthdays in it. There you go, job done. I sometimes wonder how people manage to run their lives when they can’t manage to organise something that comes around ON THE SAME DAY EVERY YEAR!!!
AlexaShutUp · 12/03/2021 09:26

Not really, my post was a generalisation about late birthday cards.

Fair enough. Personally, I think yanbu to be annoyed about this particular relative, given that they have made such a fuss previously. However, as far as the general issue is concerned, I think yabu. It's no big deal.

I honestly don't get how people have the time or headspace to care about such trivial stuff.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 12/03/2021 09:27

I think there are 2 types of people in the world. I could never have more than 30 seconds of thought about a card 😂

Herbie0987 · 12/03/2021 09:30

I used to be known in the family for sending birthday cards late, I lived some distance from family and used to post the day before the birthday. I surpassed myself one year by sending a card a month early.

Silversun83 · 12/03/2021 09:32

There may still be delays to the postal service where you are.. I know there are here. A relative posted me a card at the end of Dec for a mid-Jan birthday.. I got it end of Jan!

Obviously doesn't explain previous years but could be why it hasn't turned up this year.

Jellifer · 12/03/2021 09:33

Happy Birthday OP!

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