There's a guy in our group of friends who uses this a lot, specifically aimed at one younger woman (who I'm convinced he likes but that's beside the point)
The young woman in question is very witty with her words and gives as good as she gets (without the need for excessive name-calling) but I know that she sometimes gets tired of it and would rather he didn't. She says nothing because she doesn't want to appear too sensitive.
He did it again today (she wasn't there - he referred to her as "a dumb bitch". I told him I didn't like it. He said "You know I'm just joking right?". I said you would not jokingly use the N word to person of colour so why do you think it's ok to jokingly level the B word to a woman.
He was shocked and told me that I was being absurd, that the B word wasn't nearly as bad because Black people were enslaved and oppressed for 400 years.
I said it doesn't need to be AS bad for it to be unacceptable and that the principle was the same.
We had a back and forth, quite amicable, I told him he was being illogical. He said we'd have to agree to disagree and we left it at that.
However... he continued to use it.
I can't imagine continuing to use a word that I knew was offensive to someone of the target group. I would never purposefully misgender someone for example.
But he was so incredulous that I was equating the two that I'm doubting myself now.
Anyway:
YANBU: he's a twat and shouldn't use it
YABU: you're being too sensitive. it's just banter.