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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To feel used and a bit stupid with this man

37 replies

Pinkelastic · 11/03/2021 15:29

I have been chatting with a guy i know from work (previous worked briefly together). I used to fancy him but when we met up a month ago i didn't really fancy him but would have given it another go to see if that returned but things have just gone a bit strange.

He is all over the place. He got back in touch with an old flame the day after our first date and now he's conflicted. He had a row with her over me, she apparently hit him, and they work together so although i don't know who she is i may know her and we will certainly know people in common.

He says he's in love with me, he is jealous of my ex and of any potential new guys, and he is always talking about his feelings and how unhappy and unsettled he is. But he seems so attached to her, he said last night if i told mutual colleagues about us it would ruin his life. Which really stung as i wouldn't want to ruin something he has but obviously i do have a little glimmer of hope for us.

I feel used and rejected and he doesn't seem to appreciate that at all. He is really interested in my life though and really sweet and caring, fun, and we spend hours talking on the phone. But ultimately i feel like this is some chaotic situation i don't want to be part of.

My gut feeling was to walk away but now it's to hold out. Am i just getting more attached and ignoring the signs?

OP posts:
Pinkelastic · 11/03/2021 15:35

Oops didn't mean to enable voting

OP posts:
BoomBoomsCousin · 11/03/2021 15:36

He got back in touch with an old flame the day after our first date and now he's conflicted.

He’s been a dick from the outset. You are ignoring the signs. Dump him.

Summersun2020 · 11/03/2021 15:37

Wtf! BIN! Yesterday!! 🚩 jesus effing Christ...

BuggerBognor · 11/03/2021 15:37

This reply has been withdrawn

Message from MNHQ: This post has been withdrawn

stuckinatrap · 11/03/2021 15:38

You don't really fancy him and this is too much drama (he's in love with you? But you'd ruin his life?)

Nope to this one.

Bye crazy man!

Somethingkindaoooo · 11/03/2021 15:38

So....he has another woman on the go, but makes you feel 'special' ( my interpretation) by being jealous? So, stops you from any potential relationship, but feels he us allowed his pick of ( at least) 2 women?
And he has cleverly fabricated a situation where he keeps you seperate from his work mates?

What is your question?

MuddleMoo · 11/03/2021 15:39

Trust your gut

Cocomarine · 11/03/2021 15:41

Seriously? You shouldn’t have your dating licence. Read that back. Have a wee think about your standard. All this shit you’ll take from a man you don’t even fancy any more 🤷🏻‍♀️

lydia2021 · 11/03/2021 15:41

Good lord .......no wonder he wants you to keep quiet at work. Talk about having his cake and eating it. Shes a colleague, your a colleague. Join the dots..... He clearly wants to stay quiet at work. Hes living his best life. Two women, one waiting for the fone to ring. Red flags..... run girl run

Justmuddlingalong · 11/03/2021 15:43

He's a prick. He's treating you badly so tell him to fuck off.

LadyfromtheBelleEpoque · 11/03/2021 15:48

@Cocomarine

You shouldn’t have your dating licence.

That's the best line I have heard in ages. Very true, (and some need theirs revoked!)

Pinkelastic · 11/03/2021 15:54

Aww, thank you all. You're all so right. I read it back and i do think wtf, even talking to him i think wtf, i even call him out on it. It's just losing the 'promise'. Oh well.

He seems to be caught up in something with her he can't handle. But even if they ended again there's nothing to say it would be permanent, the whole situation feels unpleasant

OP posts:
greeneyedlulu · 11/03/2021 15:56

OMG, please just run for the hills! Re-read what you have written and imagine someone else had written that! You would tell them to run, and run fast!!

Somethingkindaoooo · 11/03/2021 16:00

He seems to be caught up in something with her he can't handle

No!!!!!!

He isn't some poor sad vulnerable lovey who is being taken advantage of!

FOJN · 11/03/2021 16:22

He got back in touch with an old flame the day after our first date and now he's conflicted.

Come on OP, have some self respect.

MessagesKeepGettingClearer · 11/03/2021 16:24

He loves you after one date? But also wants to be with someone who hit him. He wants to see you but you can't tell anyone.

Big red flags. This isn't going anywhere, believe me. He's using you.

Find someone more available.

cerseii · 11/03/2021 16:26

You’re in a good position, you can just walk away and swerve away from the drama before you get too deeply involved

Slidepastthevoid · 11/03/2021 16:26

What is this guy, says he loves you and you've been chatting for a month? Violent ex? Yeah as pp have said run for the hills. He sounds unhinged.

cerseii · 11/03/2021 16:30

It’s very hypocritical that’s he’s jealous of any guy in your life yet won’t leave his current girl

2bazookas · 11/03/2021 16:34

Run, run, run

Knitterbabe · 11/03/2021 16:41

The only promise this relationship holds is a broken one. Along with misery and tears. Walk away and don’t look back.

1forAll74 · 11/03/2021 16:43

He sounds very immature,and not worth bothering with, and just wrapped up in his own boring life. Telling you that he is in love with you, is waffle talk, by the way you describe him.

LowlandLucky · 11/03/2021 16:49

RUN

toocold54 · 11/03/2021 16:53

He’s in love with you?
It sounds like you barely know each other!

Run for the hills op!

DimidDavilby · 11/03/2021 16:55

Block this manipulative user. Do yourself a favour!

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