To feel used and a bit stupid with this man

[Pinkelastic]

I have been chatting with a guy i know from work (previous worked briefly together). I used to fancy him but when we met up a month ago i didn't really fancy him but would have given it another go to see if that returned but things have just gone a bit strange.

He is all over the place. He got back in touch with an old flame the day after our first date and now he's conflicted. He had a row with her over me, she apparently hit him, and they work together so although i don't know who she is i may know her and we will certainly know people in common.

He says he's in love with me, he is jealous of my ex and of any potential new guys, and he is always talking about his feelings and how unhappy and unsettled he is. But he seems so attached to her, he said last night if i told mutual colleagues about us it would ruin his life. Which really stung as i wouldn't want to ruin something he has but obviously i do have a little glimmer of hope for us.

I feel used and rejected and he doesn't seem to appreciate that at all. He is really interested in my life though and really sweet and caring, fun, and we spend hours talking on the phone. But ultimately i feel like this is some chaotic situation i don't want to be part of.

My gut feeling was to walk away but now it's to hold out. Am i just getting more attached and ignoring the signs?

There has always been an unspoken attraction, people around us noticed it. But i left the workplace 2 years ago and whilst we were in touch sporadically, we were never both single at one time. We never met again until a couple of weeks ago.

I think he feels like i do, this might be our chance. Well it may be, but it hasn't worked out. I can move on knowing that. I just feel guilty that he's so worried and also if he was hit because of me that isn't good and i feel a bit concerned for my own welfare, especially at work.

He seems to want commitment and loyalty from me. Like he said if he stops seeing her can we make a real go of it, but how could i guarantee that after only 1 date. Thank goodness i haven't slept with him.

So much drama tho yes, enough!

He's doing all this and you say you don't even fancy him??? Why are you giving him a second of your time? He's making a fool out of you.

This sounds totally bonkers. Run for the hills.

God, he sounds like a lunatic.

Run while you still can.

I think you like the attention, OP and that's what is sustaining this. (not a criticism, by the way, but an observation!)

You mentioned that you are not attracted to him - I think he can sense this and his ego can't handle it so he is keeping you around until he can gain the upper hand, restore his ego by finding a flaw in you and then will move on.

Run, run for the hills.

Bin him off please OP . He is stringing you along.

There is no point.
And he sounds unstable anyway.
And as though he is embarrassed/ hiding something by saying you mustn't tell anyone about this.
Suspicious but overall just highlights that this is a no-go. Bow out gracefully and then block and delete!

Run, run like the wind. You deserve better.

There are red flags all over this. Walk away and find someone who makes you feel happy and excited and relaxed. This guy is not going to make you happy he’s already messing with your head.

Don't feel stupid @Pinkelastic, at least you've learned and can see the red flags now. There shouldn't be this much drama in a relationship. Wanting to keep things a secret is a bad sign and shows a lack of integrity.

Just distance yourself from him and tell him only work related communication from now on. Don't be alone with him either, especially when he insists "we need to talk".

🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩Literally just red flags everywhere! Girl you know what to do 🏃‍♀️

Thank you everyone, i really appreciate the kind words. I guess people put on a different facade at work, he just seemed so unlike how he has been over the last month or so. But this is crazy town.