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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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To think that if the only black adult in your family says they have experienced racism...

999 replies

Overcastcloudy · 11/03/2021 14:14

... it's counterproductive to send a white man out to say, We're very much not racist?

That just is never going to end well. Ask Ian Murray how it worked out for him.

I couldn't care much either way about the Royal Family. Just baffled at the headline of William saying this.

OP posts:
littlepattilou · 11/03/2021 15:01

@WeAllHaveWings

My family is not racist. My brother is and we have strong words with him regularly, but that doesn't mean my "family" which consists of many people are. You can't label a family racist from the recollection of one passing remark from one individual. Do you think it would be fair for me to endure my whole family being called racist because of my brothers attitude?

Like many, I don't have much time for any of the royal family, but hate this nit picking and making stuff up after a couple of words spoken in passing to just keep shit stirring. He wasn't sent out to declare anything, it was a quick passing reply as he was walking away, not a "statement".

Exactly this. ^

It fucks me right off when people just assume the whole family must be racist because of one person.

I think some people (like the OP) WANT the Royal family labelled as racist and nasty, and would love nothing more than to see them fail, and be dismantled, and consigned to the history books.

Ain't. Gonna. Happen!

DynamoKev · 11/03/2021 15:01

@VladmirsPoutine

One of the most interesting aspects of this is that Meghan is 'passing' - she is very 'light' - she's completely ambiguous. I cannot imagine the shitstorm had she had the phenotype of for example Serena Williams.

That said, Yanbu - but something not discussed nearly enough is the racism mixed race people face from their own family. Of course we know we will experience racism at some point in our lives from others but coming from people you expect to love and care for you can be really damaging.

Good point - try being black with red hair, too. (I am not but have seen the effects)
WeAllHaveWings · 11/03/2021 15:02

@Thewordgame

He hasn’t spoken to his brother yet, even though his sister in law revealed she was suicidal at one point???? And experienced clear racism whilst living in the UK. He is a hypocrite if he supports mental health charities when he cannot even be arsed supporting his own brother.
You have no idea of how much of little he has supported his brother, how much he knew already, and how their relationship got to this stage.
itispersonal · 11/03/2021 15:02

Yes she can perceive it as racism, but that doesn't it was, or intended to be. I can take a lot of things the wrong way, think things are said one when actually it means another. It doesn't automatically mean x was being a racist.

Maybe people were mean to her, because they didn't like her, thought she was above her station, she would have been used to a pecking order in Hollywood, certain actors getting x treatment and her having less. Were they racists too? Also if it is a firm, Would you expect a new employer to be treated the same as the CEO.

Those who are bringing up Prince Philip and Prince Michael of Kent, these are 99yo and again very old. There is a generational thing, my own 70year old parents included, where they do and say racist, homophobic things, they don't always mean it as such. Yes you can explain why you can't say x and y but them saying them doesn't automatically mean they are racist!

cyclingmad · 11/03/2021 15:04

@CustardGoodJamGoodMeatGood

But he wasn't 'sent out' to declare they are not racists? If someone accused me of being a racist, I'd respond as well. It's a serious accusation and it could damage anyone, nevermind someone in their position. Nobody knows what happened behind closed doors and it's their word against MM's
It didn't damage Phillip and he's made a fair few racist comments...

On one hand the RF say they don't respond to whats said in press etc for example not addressing the wrongful leak about the while crying situation which clearly did do damage to that person, yet here it's seemingly okay for them to be able to speak up.

intheenddoesitreallymatter · 11/03/2021 15:04

The family aren’t racist.

One is quite literally a paedophile and didn’t another go on the radio to talk about how people care more about the breeding of their dogs than they do their family.

Ok sure.

Uncle Edward was a Nazi and a Moseley sympathiser, Granddad’s sister married one and Granddad himself has made comments which are ironically ‘colourful’ to say the least.

Sprining · 11/03/2021 15:05

“ thought she was above her station”

Dog whistle racism

Overcastcloudy · 11/03/2021 15:06

send? Really? SEND?

Again, not much of a royal follower... perhaps you can tell me which other members of the RF were out on official engagements today and responding to questions from the press?

Also... the reason he was out there will not matter to how this plays around the world. No. One. Will. Care.

OP posts:
kateemo · 11/03/2021 15:06

I'm baffled by William as well. His brother just went on world TV with Oprah and said that he didn't realise how racism was encoded in his life until interactions with his wife pointed it out to him. And instead of taking counsel from his brother's story, he makes this throwaway public statement which makes him just sound tone deaf. Members of his family may not be racist, as he understands it, but the family he belongs to and what his family represents is mired in a racist history and culture.

I think this whole story becomes only useful if each person reflects on where they are on the racism spectrum. Going on a public forum and saying "I'm not racist" and finding "like-minded" people who say the same thing and seem to be like you isn't going to move the conversation of Britain's racial issues forward. People feel and are hurt by it.

Pointing out racism and racist ideas isn't an exercise in pointing fingers and making racists feel bad. It's someone saying that we are feeling and being hurt because of the way the world treats us because of the colour of our skin and nothing changes until everyone realises this. This has been going on for over a century now and the people feeling and being hurt are not going to keep quiet about it. Ever.

Just like women aren't going to keep quiet about feeling and being hurt by sexism and sexist ideas. It's a similar thing!

MyLittleOrangutan · 11/03/2021 15:07

I can't understand how anyone would be surprised at the royal family being racist. I'd put my money on it being Charles that said it, and I'm not in the slightest bit surprised.

Slidepastthevoid · 11/03/2021 15:08

I agree in principle (I'm mixed, racism/colourist prejudice alive and well in my families!) But tbh what was he supposed to say?

"Yeah actually, pretty racist, sure Grandad is always coming out with awful stuff as you know - but not about Archie!"

I just don't know what he was supposed to do in that situation. I've managed royal rota press and it's essentially a small press pack at events that have to share all their material with the other channels/outlets - I'm very surprised that a journo actually asked him that, normally there is a v strict brief around what can be asked/recorded and journalists on the whole stick to it

Armi · 11/03/2021 15:08

@Thewordgame

He hasn’t spoken to his brother yet, even though his sister in law revealed she was suicidal at one point???? And experienced clear racism whilst living in the UK. He is a hypocrite if he supports mental health charities when he cannot even be arsed supporting his own brother.
I wouldn’t call him, either. He’s a twat who has caused massive issues for the RF, broadcasting stuff that should have been dealt with behind closed doors.
Frogartist · 11/03/2021 15:09

@Overcastcloudy

We don't know the reason he hasn't spoken to them yet.

No? No ideas?

I don't know them. Could be lots of reasons. But to assume William "couldn't be arsed" is a bit rude. Perhaps H and M don't want to speak to William.
intheenddoesitreallymatter · 11/03/2021 15:09

@itispersonal

Yes she can perceive it as racism, but that doesn't it was, or intended to be. I can take a lot of things the wrong way, think things are said one when actually it means another. It doesn't automatically mean x was being a racist.

Maybe people were mean to her, because they didn't like her, thought she was above her station, she would have been used to a pecking order in Hollywood, certain actors getting x treatment and her having less. Were they racists too? Also if it is a firm, Would you expect a new employer to be treated the same as the CEO.

Those who are bringing up Prince Philip and Prince Michael of Kent, these are 99yo and again very old. There is a generational thing, my own 70year old parents included, where they do and say racist, homophobic things, they don't always mean it as such. Yes you can explain why you can't say x and y but them saying them doesn't automatically mean they are racist!

Making a racist, sexist, homophobic etc comment makes you racist, sexist and homophobic.

Times and attitudes should change. If members of the British monarch who are funded by tax payers cannot keep up with the attitudes of adapting society then they should step down.

There is never an excuse for any sort of phobia or racism, especially not age. We need to stop giving people free passes on it.

RickiTarr · 11/03/2021 15:09

@homebird46

Which member is the racist?

Prince Philip has form. Princess Michael has form (remember the brooch?) Hell even Prince Harry has form. They’re clearly a racist family. The question should be who isn’t racist?

TBF, Princess Michael of Kent is racist as all hell but she’s the Queen’s first cousin’s mad Austrian wife, from a Nazi family, who has never been much liked in the Queen’s own family. All those cousins are distant relatives of William & Kate and they probably don’t regard them as “family”. I couldn’t tell you who my gran’s cousin is or was married to. I’m vague on who my grams’ cousins even are.

I wouldn’t be at all surprised if William is privately thinking “Well actually Harry was the most racist member of the family until he met a WoC and turned woke overnight, and I’m nit racist and neither is my wife and I think my brother has pulled a nasty stunt dressed up as a kindness by throwing a cloud of suspicion over the entire family”.

Which is fair enough, in itself. He isn’t party to all conversations everyone in the wider family has had with Harry and might not have the first clue who is accused.

cuparfull · 11/03/2021 15:09

@FuckyouBrennan

Oh ffs. Meghan could claim to be a rabbit and people would believe it. William wasn’t sent out to say that.
👏👏👏
TheKeatingFive · 11/03/2021 15:10

I don't understand all the denial. We didn't even need Meghan Markle to call it out, the Royal Family has been openly racist on many occasions and no one raises an eyebrow.

Whether its Prince Philip talking about slitty eyes or asking Aboriginal Australians if they still use spears. Or the charming cousin sporting a racist brooch to meet the mixed race new addition into the family. All of that has been long tolerated. We're even encouraged to look at Philip's 'gaffes' with affection.

Unsure33 · 11/03/2021 15:11

look , we all may of at times , and I hope more in the past been racist without even knowing about it , or by accident in an innocent remark or because or ignorance about ethnicity . I can certainly think of one occasion where I did that . it was not intentional and I apologised . But does that make me racist or my family racist , or should my family be forever punished for something that happened in the past ?

As long as we are all prepared to learn from our mistakes and we endeavour to improve things then surely that is a good thing.

But at the moment I find all of this very divisive, which considering we have no idea of the context , the wording, who said it , was it meant to be hurtful or just an ignorant comment it actually becomes quite dangerous . People are being blamed by association when in fact all they are asking for is clarification of the truth . We are being put to war for what may or may not have been a purely innocent comment that was misunderstood. Is that a good thing ?

Overcastcloudy · 11/03/2021 15:11

There is a generational thing, my own 70year old parents included, where they do and say racist, homophobic things, they don't always mean it as such.

Being old doesn't make racism okay. Didn't make it okay for Trump.

My grandpa's 94 and he has never uttered a racist or homophobic word as far as I know. Because he is genuinely not an eejit.

OP posts:
DdraigGoch · 11/03/2021 15:11

@Overcastcloudy

It’s going to cost the Royals the Commonwealth, and about time too

Not going to take a punt on 'about time', but yes, I agree this may cost them the Commonwealth.

Do you even know what the Commonwealth is?
ragged · 11/03/2021 15:12

It's an opinion. PW is allowed an opinion about his own family (as a group).

I don't care about MM. I struggle to see her as not-white so this whole thing is confusing. I don't understand how people see her as anything but white. Hair is too straight & skin too light for her to seem anything but white.

Confusedandshaken · 11/03/2021 15:12

Perhaps by 'we' he meant him and Kate. I don't see how he can talk for the whole of his extended family.

CuriousaboutSamphire · 11/03/2021 15:12

@Overcastcloudy

send? Really? SEND?

Again, not much of a royal follower... perhaps you can tell me which other members of the RF were out on official engagements today and responding to questions from the press?

Also... the reason he was out there will not matter to how this plays around the world. No. One. Will. Care.

He was visiting a school...

... It was the usual Media Mugging

All gleaned from that same few seconds in the lunchtime news.

Yep, a royal still working.

VladmirsPoutine · 11/03/2021 15:12

Yes she can perceive it as racism, but that doesn't it was, or intended to be. I can take a lot of things the wrong way, think things are said one when actually it means another. It doesn't automatically mean x was being a racist.

-- A famous white proverb

Unsure33 · 11/03/2021 15:13

@TheKeatingFive

I don't think we do think like that now though - yes in the past and that was wrong - but we had tv programmes as well that NO WAY would be acceptable today . And that's a good thing . You cant forever go on about the past when we are trying to move on .

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