Possible misunderstanding

[Scoobydoobywho]

This is kind of based on the alleged racism in Royal family. I was thinking if you were the person accused of saying something that someone else misconstrued as racist, but was a poor choice for words on your part. Then the other person uses those words to imply you are racist. How would you feel?

What's the question?

How would I feel if a comment was misconstrued? I strongly dislike it. I'm autistic and I really struggle to accept when people do not understand what I mean, or think I mean something other than I said.

The racist angle I don't really understand tbh

I think it would be very hard to say something that could be misconstrued as racism. If I said something that my relative- who experiences racism on a daily basis- considered racist I'd apologise for the offense I caused, and then educate myself. I hate the defense I didn't mean to be racist- but you were so just own it and apologise and learn for the future.

I would feel like it was my responsibility to acknowledge where I went wrong, apologise, and endeavour to do better in future.

Whether or not you intend to be racist isn’t really that important if your actions are, in fact, racist. And the way to distinguish yourself from people who intentionally seek to be racist is to acknowledge fault and not repeat the mistake.

We don’t know whether the person who made those comments about Archie intended to be racist, and to an extent it doesn’t really matter if they did. As a matter of fact, they were racist (there is no ‘implied’ about it). Therefore they have to take responsibility and do what they can to make amends.

I feel it’s also worth pointing out that there is a long history of members of the royal family being explicitly, deliberately racist (Philip, Charles, Princess Michael off the top of my head) so this is not remotely surprising or unbelievable.

I think this is an excuse often used to brush things away. The reality is there are very very few things that are NOT racist that could be misconstrued as being racist.
It is a convenient excuse from people who don't want to be called out for their behaviour and often they mention something along the lines of "not being able to say anything these days".

@carolina24 how are we defining whether something is, in fact, racism.

(I've been fielding these questions from relatives this week so am interested to know what you're using)

I think it would be very hard to say something that could be misconstrued as racism
I totally disagree. It's very easy, especially when you suffer from low self-esteem or low confidence to misconstrue words and assume they were meant mean-spirited.

Miscommunication happens all the time. In relationships, at work, with friends. This forum is full of people on either ends. The fact that the issue relates to racism doesn't make it immune to conflict being the result of misunderstanding.

In the instance if the royals, we have no idea either way, and any position can only be stipulations.

What is more telling is the number of people who've made up their mind and reached the conclusion it could only have been said in a racist way. This attitude will only drive further racism as people will start to avoid any potential risk of unfunded accusations and being labelled racist without even a chance to be heard.

Ugh. I would feel bad, and that I wasn't working hard enough on being an active anti racist if something I said could be misconstrued. I would look at myself and question how I came to that place and would apologise, say it wasn't my intention but I would try harder. I'm a white person who has grown up in very white areas so I'm willing to accept that my perspective on what is and isn't racist isn't the same as someone else with more experience. Black and brown people are the experts on what is and isn't racist, not me or any of the other white folks out here hand wringing and as in all things we should listen to expert opinion. The harm here is not white folks being accused of being racist or racially insensitive, its the ACTUAL RACISM that is all around us whether we choose to see it or not.

I don't think it's acceptable still as white people shouldn't comment on skin colour but I think it was a bit of banter between the brothers very early on in Harry and Meghans relationship. Harry said it was a long time ago and that it would be very damaging if he named them. Again I'm not saying it's acceptable but a bit of banter between brothers is not the same as how Meghan made it sound. For the record I'm not a Meghan hater and actually had a lot of sympathy for them when watching the interview but I do think there was some careful words from her for maximum impact.

I would feel like it was my responsibility to acknowledge where I went wrong, apologise, and endeavour to do better in future.....Whether or not you intend to be racist isn’t really that important if your actions are, in fact, racist. And the way to distinguish yourself from people who intentionally seek to be racist is to acknowledge fault and not repeat the mistake

Seems to be suggesting that if anyone says you are racist/said something racist, you are automatically in the wrong and there is no possibility that the person accusing you is wrong?

Pretty dangerous thinking.

all dontdisturbmenow Thu 11-Mar-21 08:43:43
I think it would be very hard to say something that could be misconstrued as racism
I totally disagree. It's very easy, especially when you suffer from low self-esteem or low confidence to misconstrue words and assume they were meant mean-spirited.

Miscommunication happens all the time. In relationships, at work, with friends. This forum is full of people on either ends. The fact that the issue relates to racism doesn't make it immune to conflict being the result of misunderstanding.

In the instance if the royals, we have no idea either way, and any position can only be stipulations.

What is more telling is the number of people who've made up their mind and reached the conclusion it could only have been said in a racist way. This attitude will only drive further racism as people will start to avoid any potential risk of unfunded accusations and being labelled racist without even a chance to be heard.

This^^

@jamthencreamyoufool

I would feel like it was my responsibility to acknowledge where I went wrong, apologise, and endeavour to do better in future.....Whether or not you intend to be racist isn’t really that important if your actions are, in fact, racist. And the way to distinguish yourself from people who intentionally seek to be racist is to acknowledge fault and not repeat the mistake

Seems to be suggesting that if anyone says you are racist/said something racist, you are automatically in the wrong and there is no possibility that the person accusing you is wrong?

Pretty dangerous thinking.

I agree with Jam. It's getting very dangerous. That some groups can make accusations against others and have them branded sexist/racist/antisemitic/transphobic without any question is a dangerous thing.

We can- and do- see oppression where there is none.

No it bloody isn't dangerous! It asks you to think about your perspective and understand others and not assume you know everything. There is nothing dangerous about that, far more dangerous is a dogged refusal to see other people's perspective and assess your own internal bias.

And sadly, the more we are focus and looking for something the more likely we are to find it.

Yet I really really hope that what was said was indeed misinterpreted because the idea of intended racism within the RF is just unbearable.

No one knows what was actually said so no one can have a proper opinion on that actual situation.

Dh and I are from different ethnic backgrounds. I am "anemic" white (was told that literally) and cooked lobster when sun comea out. DH is Middle Eastern, not dark, but not light. Even we talked about skin tones because they have so many different ones within a family and even though we don't want kids we still talked about what skin colour ours would probably have. Same way like we talk about whose nose it would have. My EE or his ME otlr middle. Or hair. Black thick beautiful arabic hair (luckyyyy) or my bog standard nothing exciting meh hair.
It's possible it was discussed simply liike that but tensions lead to misunderstanding. Or that someone was actually racist. We don't know and we will never know.

No it bloody isn't dangerous! It asks you to think about your perspective and understand others and not assume you know everything. There is nothing dangerous about that, far more dangerous is a dogged refusal to see other people's perspective and assess your own internal bias

You appear to have missed the point. The dangerous part is accepting that just because someone says you are/did something, it's automatically true. That is extremely dangerous. It doesn't preclude in anyway examining yourself or your behavior and concluding they are correct, it just doesn't make it automatic that they are.

Being clumsy with words is no longer tolerated. Never has it been so useful to be someone who says little.

@Sciurus83

No it bloody isn't dangerous! It asks you to think about your perspective and understand others and not assume you know everything. There is nothing dangerous about that, far more dangerous is a dogged refusal to see other people's perspective and assess your own internal bias.

Sciurus, that applies to both sides though. Both sides have bias. I have bias, you have bias. One person's bias isn't automatically 'right'.

When I'm upset or offended by something I see as unfair, I check my perspective, consider how it may look from the other person's POV. I ask critical friends to help me work it out.

I'm a feminist. I see things that enrage me, and spout about it at home. My husband, who is a rationalist/economist often disagrees. We have a heated discussion about it. I don't get to be right because I'm a woman and patriarchy etc. He doesn't affirm my belief because he loves me. We challenge each other.

The historically oppressed group doesn't get to be automatically right without exception and discussion- that is also bias.

@dontdisturbmenow

I think it would be very hard to say something that could be misconstrued as racism I totally disagree. It's very easy, especially when you suffer from low self-esteem or low confidence to misconstrue words and assume they were meant mean-spirited.

Miscommunication happens all the time. In relationships, at work, with friends. This forum is full of people on either ends. The fact that the issue relates to racism doesn't make it immune to conflict being the result of misunderstanding.

In the instance if the royals, we have no idea either way, and any position can only be stipulations.

What is more telling is the number of people who've made up their mind and reached the conclusion it could only have been said in a racist way. This attitude will only drive further racism as people will start to avoid any potential risk of unfunded accusations and being labelled racist without even a chance to be heard.

Wish we had ‘like’ buttons, this would definitely get one.

She didn't give enough information on what was said or how it was formed for me to have a clue as to whether it was a racist comment or not. It seems the conversation was not had with her, but with Harry. Harry was clearly upset by it and relayed the conversation to Meghan (from what I can gather). It's too hard to tell without further information.

Furious! I'm mixed race and had a baby with a white man and it was many moons ago but i remember discussing with my sister how I hoped my baby had an all year round tan. He hasnt, he is really pale compared to me but I wasn't disappointed or anything it was just a discussion. My sister, also mixed race married a black man and they talked about what their baby might look like. Doesn't make us racist monsters who want to disown own children because they are too pale or too dark. Curiosity isn't a crime.

Well we are never going to know if it was racist or not as we weren’t there (neither apparently was Meghan).
However what I find chilling is that you can throw out this accusation without naming the person. So everyone else immediately comes under suspicion. Imagine being accused of something when you weren’t even there and have no right of reply.
I was once accused of gossiping about someone’s mental health when I hadn’t. That was over 30 years ago and it still rankles.

I think it's the fact on how one person may have taken a comment, possibly badly worded and turned a lot of people onto to the conclusion of it being a racist statement rather than a bad choice of words.

I think that there has been an increasing reluctance of people to engage in conversation about any issue to do with race and I suspect that many people who are white will be very wary just in case their comments can be misconstrued. I actually think this will lead to less integration and that these types of stories reduce racial integration

I agree twelly. I asked someone I worked with about her hair, about 15 years ago. I asked if she'd mind me asking, and she gave me a quick description of how she achieved it. I've had the same conversation with white acquaintances about how they achieved a particular style.

I don't think I'd ask any more.