Possible misunderstanding

[Scoobydoobywho]

This is kind of based on the alleged racism in Royal family. I was thinking if you were the person accused of saying something that someone else misconstrued as racist, but was a poor choice for words on your part. Then the other person uses those words to imply you are racist. How would you feel?

I think it would be racist if they said something like, I hope (s)he isn't black, or I hope (s)he doesn't have [insert something usually thought of as a black feature].

One of my friends and I did discuss whether her first child would have our ethnic features and colouring or appear more British like his father. Totally natural conversation! The dad didn't accuse us of being racist, and I don't think anyone else would think of us that way? There was a little disappoint I think as the child is the spit of the dad mostly but it's not a bad thing and the child is gorgeous anyway. It's natural to wonder how a mix of genes will turn out!

Although I have to say, although one of my (white) relatives married a black woman and had a kid together, we talked about who the kid would look like, but we didn't discuss skin colour! We talked about the eye colour, eyelash colour, hair colour and everything else ... but the skin. Even though friend and I (in previous paragraph) definitely did discuss the possibility of tanned skin versus pale skin! Not really sure what that says, but I feel like I prefer to be guided by the parents in what they're open to discussing rather than assume it's OK to bring up.

And I've been part of many chinese whispers in the past from gossips where the original conversation has been wildly distorted from what was actually said by the time it got back to me! So I am very skeptical unless I hear things directly.

@Sciurus83

Ugh. I would feel bad, and that I wasn't working hard enough on being an active anti racist if something I said could be misconstrued. I would look at myself and question how I came to that place and would apologise, say it wasn't my intention but I would try harder. I'm a white person who has grown up in very white areas so I'm willing to accept that my perspective on what is and isn't racist isn't the same as someone else with more experience. Black and brown people are the experts on what is and isn't racist, not me or any of the other white folks out here hand wringing and as in all things we should listen to expert opinion. The harm here is not white folks being accused of being racist or racially insensitive, its the ACTUAL RACISM that is all around us whether we choose to see it or not.

This level of self flagellation regarding an incident that the OP defines as unintentional is absurd, as is the deification of 'lived experience' as the only measure of judgement that should be applied to anything. I agree with other posters who can see the dangers in going down this route.