Husband wishing colleague Happy Mother’s Day

[smurfy19]

AIBU to have been upset when my DH mentioned he was going to send a txt to a female he works with who has recently had a baby to say Happy First Mother’s Day? Bit of background this same female stepped in when we split last year and started writing a list of things he would take from OUR home and things he would need to buy. We had already made this list, knowing the items we had in our home! Even if we hadn’t he is in his 40’s almost 20 years older than this lady! Had his own house and was a single parent when I met him so not a man child who had never been responsible for himself before! We sorted things out with him admitting to gambling, and crossing an emotional line with this same colleague who he regards as a friend. This woman would often cry to him in the workplace etc. After flipping it round and asking him to be totally honest and tell me how he would feel if I was crying on another mans shoulder or comforting another man so often he realised just how emotionally invested they had both become in each other. The apology came and one of the ground rules for us getting back together was that he would only txt her when it was work related. Reason for this was she was txting at 7am weekday mornings or late at night. So aibu for going a little crazy when he said he was going to txt her at the weekend to say Happy First Mothers Day? For context he has sisters who have children and he NEVER txts them to wish them a happy Mother’s Day and also never txts our close female friend who’s son is his GODCHILD to say it either.
Sorry, first time posting but I am being made to feel like I’m being unreasonable here.

Thanks everyone. To answer some questions, no he didn’t leave for her. When I asked about the list which I discovered after we were back together he said she sat one lunch time, when he had told people in his work he was moving out, and said right I’ll make a list for you of what you need. He said he told her not to worry about it as it was already done but she carried on anyway. He said “she likes to take over, so I just let her” Completely different to wishing someone a happy birthday IMO. He is probably closer to our goddaughters mum than he is his sisters so would expect at least she would have had a happy Mother’s Day message from him in the 5 years she has been a mum but there never has been one sent. He was close enough to his sisters to have been at their house every day for support when we had split up so I would again presume they would be thought about on Mother’s Day before this “friend” I guess probably the big deal breaker is the fact that he turned it all on me and won’t accept responsibility for his behaviour. We have had a huge argument where he said “ I only apologised and agreed to the ground rules for peace” No you apologised over and over, telling me you couldn’t believe how blind you had been to it all etc etc! So don’t try to send me crazy. All the time while insisting he doesn’t lie...this was making me really mad so I walked away and he followed me, changed his tone and said “of course I could see it, I just said I couldn’t because you’re hurting me!” Like what! How many times do you want to change your story! Anyway, this was it, I can’t take that, how can I trust what he says? I just feel like I’ve totally messed up our DC’s lives! Daddy has left, oh Daddy’s back, oh, no Daddy is away again! This is not the life I wanted for them! It was so hard to make the split the first time, our kids were so upset, now I need to break their hearts all over again.

Does he think he might be daddy. Slight chance?

Smurfy, your H has an agenda. He is pining for his Emotional AP and wants to reach out to her, so he manufactured a reason. He foolishly tried to run this by you as aboveboard. In truth, he hoped that the Mother’s Day message would open a door to personal interactions between them.

When his plan backfired, he tried to manipulate you by playing the jealousy/MH cards.

If he valued you and your marriage, he would have honored your agreement and never considered sending that message. I’m sorry, but I see an unremorseful man who is still in a cheating mindset.

I opened the thread because in an end of week summary/signoff to a colleague yesterday, I'd ended with 'enjoy Mothers day & have a great weekend' - she is a single parent with a toddler who is too young to organise his own Mothers day wishes.

Is the woman a single parent? It does sound a bit weird given the backstory and her being a bit overinvested - but if no partner to organise or say anything on behalf of the baby, maybe just thoughtful?

All you need to say is "That's the child's father's job, not yours, so back off."

YANBU in the circumstances. Any other woman who was a colleague it would be reasonable, depending on how the sentiment was expressed.

I do text happy mother’s’ day to close friends who are mothers, and would potentially say “happy first Mother’s Day” even to someone I wasn’t that close to if they had just had a baby.

However, I am not saying he is right to do this as he had agreed not to contact her except for work. If he didn’t like this condition, wanted to remain friends with her etc, he had the choice not to go back to you, once you made your boundaries on this clear. He obviously wants his cake and eat it.

To be honest I am puzzled as to why he told you he intended to do it tho? Why not just do it? He can’t have thought that telling you would end well......

He really wants to keep his foot in the door, doesn't he? YANBU, OP. He is not being honest with himself.

This is weird. On Mother’s Day most men would think of their mother and making sure that their own kids remember to get their mums a bunch of daffs. Not contacting some colleague - not all women colleagues - just the one. I’ve heard of men giving a flower to every woman in the office on IWD...

I would ask him with a straight face if the baby is his or if the woman is his mum - otherwise wtaf?

Fuck him right off