Name changed as my situation is unusual and may be outing.
Mum, I went NC with her 2 years before she died of alcoholism. I’d spent the previous 30 years watching her slowly lose her personality, her health to drink, we tried so hard to get her help but ultimately she didn’t want to know. 5 years before we went NC started the real downward spiral into I’ll health, emergency hospital admissions due to organ failure etc.
Same vicious circle over and over again, her becoming aggressive and vile with each episode, she lost interest in her only grandchildren, final straw was when I made a 2 hour round trip to see her in hospital on my daughters birthday - I was told I shouldn’t have wasted my time. She was utterly vile to me, the nurses, the social workers etc. She would deliberately soil her bed as she was angry at not being discharged etc. I said I wasn’t happy for her to be released until she was signed up to some help to save the pressure on my dad (who I was close to). My father had enabled her all her life, taking the easy option to keep her happy at the expense of the stability of us children’s lives.
She shouted, bawled swore at me to fuck off and never see her again etc. I walked out of that hospital in tears, totally at the end of my patience. I swore there and then I would never bother with her again.
Two years later she died, I did go and see her and was with her as she passed but she was in multi organ failure and probably didn’t know.
I threw myself into supporting my father then, who unbeknown to us all had started an affair with a woman. My father, then, just 3 weeks after my mother died introduced this woman as his ‘friend’, 6 weeks after my mother died they went on holiday together and 3 months after her moved her in. This woman turned out to be manipulative and didn’t like the fact my father and I were close, she caused trouble as she sensed I was very much looking out for my father. My father was infatuated and like a lovesick schoolboy fell over himself to please his new girlfriend - it became obvious that she didn’t want us in their lives.
She caused trouble, I told my dad she was troublesome and to be careful and he basically chose to remove us from their lives (I suspect this was to appease her).
So I’ve not spoken to my father for 5 years. He’s weak and only looking for an easy life apparently, it took a few years for me to come to terms with it all but I’m fine now. His loss, he’s missed out on his amazing only grandchildren who are now adults and have no looks on him at all.
My mother’s emotional absence in my life from an early age made me very independent anyway, I was kicked out at 17 whilst my father sat there and let her do it - it was easier to let this happen than upset my mother you see....how patterns repeat themselves eh?
Well, it’s made me strong, independent, my children will never, ever have to feel unloved or wanted. Sad, but it’s made me a better person.