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AIBU?

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Original poster

Moving a child in year 8 due to bullying?

32 replies

User5747384 · 09/03/2021 17:54

Hi, I was wondering if anyone had any experience changing their child's school in year 8 due to bullying.
My son's bully just won't leave him alone if he gets in trouble he's fine for a month and then he's back causing carnage.
After today's bullying I don't know if I can send him back.
Has anyone successfully moved their kids in year 8?
I feel worried either way as he has friends at his current school so he will have to start making friends all over again if he moves, but if I keep him in there I don't know if this kid will ever stop.Sad

OP posts:
Slankets · 09/03/2021 18:10

Hi OP

I was moved school in year 8 due to bullying and settled in fine, in fact by the middle of year 9 I had a great friendship group and was happier than I had ever been in school.

I was happy to move though as I was miserable where I was and had no friends, so I think the most important thing is what does your son want?

Glitteryone · 09/03/2021 18:12

YANBU - id do it in a heartbeat

OverTheRainbow88 · 09/03/2021 18:23

I would log every single bullying that’s occurring for a month, have a meeting with safeguarding lead with your evidence and dates, along with any emails/phone calls you’ve had with the school about bullying.

Explain to the school that if this happens again you’ll report them to Ofsted for failing to safeguard your son.

Yesmate · 09/03/2021 18:46

I’m normally all for reporting and holding schools to account but the reality is while that is happening your son will still be being bullied.
Move him, he will thrive away from the bully. It will be hard at first of course but the mental scars of bullying and the memories of your parents not taking action stay with you forever.

Youllbeoldertoo · 09/03/2021 18:49

Move him.

Original poster
User5747384 · 09/03/2021 19:21

Thanks everyone, it's so difficult, currently having a look online for other schools, he has said he wants to move but I don't think he's thought properly about not knowing his way round the school or making new friends, I hate that he might have to move somewhere he's perfectly happy over a child that's never been dealt with properly.
I will make some phone calls tomorrow and see what spaces are available and talk to the school.Sad

OP posts:
Lupinhere37 · 09/03/2021 19:40

Hi op. I did it. Don’t underestimate how damaging bullying can be. My DC has been broken by it.
Yr 8 still gives plenty of time to make friends in a new school and before GCSE options etc, kick in. So don’t leave it too late, like I did, worrying about GCSE disruption.

However, I would question what the school are doing to help you here. Maybe keep him at home for a few days (after all this time off, can’t be that much more damaging) and stand your ground with the school. Contact Governors, ask for copy of their bullying policy etc. As pp said, accuse them of failing to safeguard. Tell them the school is not a safe environment if you don’t believe it is.

Caveat; I am not an expert in this....I certainly messed it up when I was dealing with it. Hopefully a teacher will be along to offer some advice. But good luck. Tell your DS that better times are ahead and keep reassuring him.

sst1234 · 09/03/2021 20:19

Do it OP. It’s incredibly damaging for your child to carry on like this for years to come. One thing’s for sure, I would not let this go with the school. These feral kids cannot be allowed to ruin other children’s education and self esteem.

Ggeemerc · 09/03/2021 20:21

Lots move in year 7 and 8, I think it would be fine. Why not ask around and let him do a trial day somewhere else?

LlamaofDrama · 09/03/2021 20:58

My friend moved her son I think between years 8 and 9. Best thing ever. He settled in well and performed academically much better than he ever had at the old school, as well as getting a great group of friends and being happy.

Powerof4 · 09/03/2021 21:06

Make a timeline of what has happened, get the bullying policy and escalate to the next level - headteacher copying in governors, e.g. if head of year has already been involved. I agree with other posters about keeping him off until you’ve met with someone senior and agreed a plan you and your son are happy with. If this doesn’t work, then move, but why should he? School has a duty to be a safe place.

blitzen · 09/03/2021 21:19

Hello OP, so sorry for your son. Just wanted to say I moved schools in Yr8 due to bullying and never looked back really. Think I was heading for some kind of breakdown at age 12 otherwise. I was careful not to let new friends know the reason I had moved though, in case of any potential bully at the new school seeing me as an easy target.

Panicmode1 · 09/03/2021 21:21

I regret not moving DD when she had issues in Y8. Its been hugely detrimental. I would do it if you have a better alternative.

FlyingByTheSeatof · 09/03/2021 21:22

The sooner you do it the better. Just go for it.

peak2021 · 09/03/2021 22:00

The ideal would be for the bully to have to move, but as schools are now so limited in exclusions (or unwilling to act), if there is not another alternative then do it this year, not wait.

If you do make it absolutely clear to the school your child is leaving why you are doing so.

Mummy1608 · 09/03/2021 22:39

Secondary school teacher here. If I were you I would move your son.

I have seen lots of instances of bullying being dealt with really well by schools I've worked in. The bully has been suspended or expelled. Support offered (and given) to the victim, including counselling. Assemblies and PSHE sessions about the relevant theme (eg homophobia etc as applicable).

No matter what, it is awkward for the victim afterwards if he remains at the same school. The bully, even though he is a bully, has friends who resent the victim for getting their friend expelled (I know, it is terrible,but that's kids for you sometimes, they aren't sensible or logical). All the surroundings of the school can remind the victim of the bully. It shouldn't be this way but it is, I've been a teacher a long time and I've seen it many times.

Just move him, honestly.

Mummy1608 · 09/03/2021 22:41

Ps if you report and escalate it, all the investigations that take place will involve teachers questioning your son and friends. It might get you "justice" but that will be an awful, torturous experience for you son no matter how gentle his teachers are. Just move your son, he and his feelings are your main concern.

Stirmecrazy · 09/03/2021 22:44

Yep. Moved my daughter at the end of year 8 after the stress of bullying got so bad she was self harming . Never looked back she loved her new school, grades shot up. She became the confident girl she had once been. Looking back she was fading away at her old school I dread to think what would have happened if we had kept her there

maddening · 09/03/2021 22:44

I moved ds in year 5 in November just gone, it was exclusionary bullying in a V tiny class, not the worst bullying case but I was not going to let it go on, and in a small class there is no where to go. I said to ds that if he wanted to move I would sort it out, he asked to move so we did.

Imo it is such a fleeting time in the scale of your life, but a long time to be miserable when it should be a time of self discovery and growth.

LifesLittleDeciders · 09/03/2021 22:46

Year 8 is the best year to do it, still new to secondary, it’s the official year of ‘doing fuck all’.

Year 9, 10 and obviously 11 are GCSE prep and exam years so I’d do it now.

maddening · 09/03/2021 22:47

Ps now I think is a good time to move, the lockdown will shake up dynamics in class so possibly a good time to go in as a new starter.

HollyandJingles · 09/03/2021 22:56

I moved my daughter in year 8. The bullying had almost destroyed her, we hoped things would have calmed down over the summer holidays but it started again literally the first day back.
The school always maintained they didn’t have a problem with bullying, it was never a thing there. They were wrong. It was an outstanding school with a reputation to protect and we had fought so hard to get in as we were on the edge of the catchment area. Since leaving we have heard of several others who have done the same for the same reason.
She moved three weeks into the start of year 8 and has never looked back. She is now year 10.
Just move him, its not worth the tears. Good luck.

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 09/03/2021 23:06

I wish my mum had done this. It started in Y8 and in Y9 I attempted suicide. I don't know how much of an effect the bullying is having on your son, but if he's showing signs of deteriorating mental health then move him. No amount of disruption could be more damaging.

tensmum1964 · 09/03/2021 23:17

My DD started to get bullied in yr 7. For two years I tried to work with the school to stop the bullying. The school were beyond useless and unhelpful. I confronted the bullies parents but they were as bad. DD wanted the bullying to stop but she didn't want to leave the school as she had friends there. In the end I moved her in yr 9 as nothing I did or tried stopped the bullying. It was the best decision I made and my only regret is that I didn't do it sooner. My DD had a couple of years of trouble free time at the new school and made lots of friends in her short time there.

DiscoGlitterBall · 09/03/2021 23:17

@HollyandJingles. May I ask if this is a school in hampshire? Resonates with me from what some friends have been through. Outstanding school with a reputation to maintain but does not deal with bullying but happy to exclude for minor uniform indiscretions.