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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hurt he told me to f off

48 replies

Sodapopxxx · 09/03/2021 15:31

I've just spent 5 months building up a relationship with someone. I know five months isn't much in the grand scheme of things. But we got so close. I've never opened up to anyone like I did him.

He's had problems with depression and he's just over a year drink free after his life fell apart. I met him just as he started working again and I've definitely been there through his ups and downs. I've let him sound off. Ive listened and supported. I've been strong. In return we've had Alot of laughs. Got really physical and he's cared for me everyday. He really has become like s best friend to me.

For the second time today he over reacted to a small thing and he's completely pushed me away. He was liking photos of another women recently on Facebook and they are quite revealing pictures. I asked him who she was. Not with any reason other than I wanted to know if they were friends or someone be hand stumbled across as she was a new add. He deleted her and today when we met up I wanted to talk to him about his reaction. I asked why he had deleted her so fast. He claimed he had known her for ten years etc. So I said well why did you delete her and get defensive. He called me after I got home and told me I had really ruined his day. He was done with me. Called me insecure. Told me to take him of Facebook and stop stalking his friends list.

I was absolutely shocked. He deleted me. Blocked me. Told me to f off in a text. I haven't said anything more to him. Just reminded him be owed me £100 and he replied yep I'll pay it and I'm blocking your number now.

I know exactly what I should do now. But I am so bluddy hurt. I've lost count of the amount of days and nights I've sat listening to his problems. I have been there through a huge part of his recovery. We've sent gifts. We have been saying we love eachother since Christmas. I cared for him with all I am. We are always in touch.

Now I'm sat here feeling absolutely stung. He's seen me naked. He's borrowed money from me. He knows things about me I wish I had never told him. I've shared my life with him for so long now it feels.

I know it's only five months. But it feels alot longer. I now need to move forward and try forget about the fact i Let him into my life.

Could really do with some support as I'm feeling so sad. Please be nice. X

OP posts:

fairycakes1234 · 09/03/2021 15:34

I am so sorry to hear that, I dont know what to say, sounds like he was looking for a way out and was just a gutless idiot and picking fights with you. Please look after yourself, and get that money back, the cheek of him.

NotFabulousDarling · 09/03/2021 15:35

Didn't you post about this a few days ago? Has something changed? What's the AIBU?

MaMaD1990 · 09/03/2021 15:35

Sorry OP, he sounds a total arse. Chalk this one up to experience and move on without giving him a second thought (easier said than done, I know). Noone deserves to be treated this way.

littlepattilou · 09/03/2021 15:37

I am really sorry @Sodapopxxx and I get that you're hurt, but you've dodged a bullet here. He sounds like a twat.

Look after yourself.

gamerchick · 09/03/2021 15:37

You were warned to stop OP. You took no notice, just leave him alone now.

ErickBroch · 09/03/2021 15:39

You posted about this the other day right?

notanothertakeaway · 09/03/2021 15:39

At 5 months, in a positive relationship, you'd still be loved up and on your best behaviour

It's always horrible to break up, but probably a sign that he's not good enough for you. No one should be telling their partner to F off

LucieStar · 09/03/2021 15:39

@NotFabulousDarling

Didn't you post about this a few days ago? Has something changed? What's the AIBU?

Liking picture of the lady in the white dress on FB? I thought I'd read this before too...

VerityWibbleWobble · 09/03/2021 15:40

I'm sure I've read this a couple of days ago in another post?

emilyfrost · 09/03/2021 15:40

This again? You’ve posted twice already now you don’t need another thread.

ErickBroch · 09/03/2021 15:40

I told you in your last thread the relationship was over. He is liking pictures of other women at 3am repeatedly and you're stalking his behaviour online. It's done. Such a short time you definitely need to try and move on.

BrumBoo · 09/03/2021 15:42

@gamerchick

You were warned to stop OP. You took no notice, just leave him alone now.

I'm afraid I agree with this. Changing username doesn't stop a situation being recognisable. Like attaching a car crash in slow motion, some of these relationship threads.

Sorry you're hurting @Sodapopxxx. Just delete him yourself and move on. I'd probably give up on the £100 and treat the whole experience as a lesson learned.

BrumBoo · 09/03/2021 15:42

Watching not attaching...

Original poster

Sodapopxxx · 09/03/2021 15:43

I'm really starting to see how much he has affected my happiness and moods. When he's happy I've been happy. But when he's down I have felt myself feeling down and lost.

It has taken me a while to get my head around things as he's been allover me like a rash and saying how much he loves me. I think that's why I've hung on and tried thinking it could be good long term.

Seeing how horrible he is able to be has really shook me up. I'm just shocked as I really wasn't pointing the finger.
I've not posted before about this?

I did post in January though the first time he fell out with me over me asking if he was sure he was ready for a relationship with me as I have young kids. I only meant it genuine. He took that really bad too. But didn't block me. Just threatened to block me. Just feel abit numb.

How can someone love you yesterday and today be so angry and react like this? It's the only time I've ever asked about someone on his Facebook.

He even had the nerve to say it's something with me everyday. Yet he's the one whos up and down with his issues and I'm a stable person!

Just need a rant. I have been so stupid.

OP posts:

MacbookHo · 09/03/2021 15:44

This won’t feel like good news yet, but better 5 months than five years, or £500, or five kids!

VerityWibbleWobble · 09/03/2021 15:46

You should've ended it in January, this is not a positive relationship when there are small children involved.

Yes it may hurt but move on now to keep your dignity intact and set your bar higher next time.

2021isalsorubbish · 09/03/2021 15:47

Take as a lesson, lots of women spend years with a guy like this so at least it’s only 5 months. And higher your standards. Don’t get anywhere near an alcoholic in recovery or someone who is depressed. He’s used you as a free counselling service. You deserve better.

PolkaDotBalloon · 09/03/2021 15:48

People early in recovery can dive in too quickly, make you their newest addiction, then turn on you just as fast. Not everyone, obviously, but it happens. Someone’s just messed me about very similarly so I understand how shitty it feels. I’m sorry.

Notanotherfreak · 09/03/2021 15:49

Third thread about this OP! How many times do you need to hear the same things?! Be glad it’s over, this relationship was toxic and he sounds like he definitely was fed up of being stalked online!!

PerseverancePays · 09/03/2021 15:52

Don’t be so hard on yourself. The thing you need to know about addicts is often they are quite charming and it is easy to get sucked in. But an addict is basically very selfish person and that’s what you need to remember , it’s all about them. Learn from this experience, you’ve done nothing wrong, you’ve been lovely and supportive and he’s been a selfish twat.
Take some time out, talk to some old friends and treat yourself often with small things.

MaMaD1990 · 09/03/2021 15:53

@Notanotherfreak she said this is the first time she's posted about this. If you're going to be nasty to someone, make sure you read the actual thread first.

Eviethyme · 09/03/2021 15:54

Honestly OP move on. He dumped you. Your over there is no need to go over it in your head what's done is done. He was looking at other woman, you brought it up and he ended it so just get on with your life

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 09/03/2021 15:57

I’m sure I’ve read your threads before, and everyone told you this was coming?

GreenSlide · 09/03/2021 15:58

Protect your kids from this guy, accept that it's over, block him in return, never speak to him again. You'll be over it in a few weeks, better that than a lifetime of misery and abuse for you and your children.

nitsandwormsdodger · 09/03/2021 16:00

You dodged a bullet

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