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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Hurt he told me to f off

48 replies

Sodapopxxx · 09/03/2021 15:31

I've just spent 5 months building up a relationship with someone. I know five months isn't much in the grand scheme of things. But we got so close. I've never opened up to anyone like I did him.

He's had problems with depression and he's just over a year drink free after his life fell apart. I met him just as he started working again and I've definitely been there through his ups and downs. I've let him sound off. Ive listened and supported. I've been strong. In return we've had Alot of laughs. Got really physical and he's cared for me everyday. He really has become like s best friend to me.

For the second time today he over reacted to a small thing and he's completely pushed me away. He was liking photos of another women recently on Facebook and they are quite revealing pictures. I asked him who she was. Not with any reason other than I wanted to know if they were friends or someone be hand stumbled across as she was a new add. He deleted her and today when we met up I wanted to talk to him about his reaction. I asked why he had deleted her so fast. He claimed he had known her for ten years etc. So I said well why did you delete her and get defensive. He called me after I got home and told me I had really ruined his day. He was done with me. Called me insecure. Told me to take him of Facebook and stop stalking his friends list.

I was absolutely shocked. He deleted me. Blocked me. Told me to f off in a text. I haven't said anything more to him. Just reminded him be owed me £100 and he replied yep I'll pay it and I'm blocking your number now.

I know exactly what I should do now. But I am so bluddy hurt. I've lost count of the amount of days and nights I've sat listening to his problems. I have been there through a huge part of his recovery. We've sent gifts. We have been saying we love eachother since Christmas. I cared for him with all I am. We are always in touch.

Now I'm sat here feeling absolutely stung. He's seen me naked. He's borrowed money from me. He knows things about me I wish I had never told him. I've shared my life with him for so long now it feels.

I know it's only five months. But it feels alot longer. I now need to move forward and try forget about the fact i Let him into my life.

Could really do with some support as I'm feeling so sad. Please be nice. X

OP posts:

HotelCaliforniaOnRepeat · 09/03/2021 16:03

@Sodapopxxx ask mnhq to move your thread to relationships. You will get more constructive advice than the bitchy replies on here.
Why such spiteful replies? Does it make you feel superior to belittle and upset someone that is clearly in need of kindness. Nasty posters are the epitome of what's wrong in this world, using nastiness to make others feel bad.

firthy85 · 09/03/2021 16:06

seriously op. its not your fault. 5 months really is a very short time really to assess how good a match you really are but he sounds a twunt. ok my question might be how did you know he deleted this so-called friend from his fb list if you were not deliberately looking at it but at the same time his reactions are quite extreme and maybe now he is showing his true colours? your only crime seems to be that you trusted too quickly. nothing to feel bad about. big hugs. xx

MajorMujer · 09/03/2021 16:10

You have had a lucky escape from this man. Count your blessings and move on.

WhenLifeReturns · 09/03/2021 16:15

Please see the red flags. The fact that you've been through so much with him in the 5 months shows it'll always be that way. Its the first few months is at least supposed to be exciting.

You deserve more than what this man can offer you and if you think for one moment that you are not worthy of anyone better because you have children, you couldn't be more wrong.

BrumBoo · 09/03/2021 16:16

@HotelCaliforniaOnRepeat, the op has had more than one thread full of good advice. It's irritating when anyone (in RL or here) comes back with 'remember everything you warned me about? I didnt listen and now I'm sad'. People can be empathetic and frustrated at the same time, so maybe a bit less of the 'be kind' bollocks?

LittlestBoho · 09/03/2021 16:23

Please do The Freedom Program. There were multiple red flags with this man that should have encouraged you to dump him much earlier but you ignored them all. If someone I had been dating for 5 months was having lots of ups and downs, had only recently stopped drinking, and was asking to borrow money off me, they'd be out of the door so fast. You don't have to martyr yourself for a man.

DianaT1969 · 09/03/2021 16:31

Moody.
Looking at other women.
Borrowing money from you.

Hmmm, yes, he is amazing and I can see why you want to be with him so badly.

Perhaps he'll be back when he needs to use someone for sex, loses his job or needs more money.

1forAll74 · 09/03/2021 16:32

This is a very often type of living style and attitude,with men of this type. It's a predicable style, unless you can't see it, and get too involved, and think you are in love. Five months in, and a man of no consequence appears. Be happy that he has shown his true colours,, but basically he has no colours at all.

LemonTT · 09/03/2021 16:40

I genuinely don’t believe anyone should be in a relationship if they can’t accept that the relationship could end. It basically screams a level of insecurity and dependence that is unhealthy and dangerous.

Tal45 · 09/03/2021 16:43

My suggestion would be that the next person you're with you make sure that their MH is really good. Not someone who's depressed or was a drinker or any other problems that are far too deep for another person to fix.
You know when people say 'don't mistake my kindness for weakness'. You need to make sure you don't mistake other people's weakness for kindness. I've been there and done that too :-(
This has been a relatively short relationship and you have got in really, really deep by the sounds of it. Always be wary of people who want to get in really deep with you really fast because they will often want to get out just as fast once they have sucked you emotionally dry. Look after yourself now and realise how many lessons you have learnt from this relationship xxx

PiscesScot · 09/03/2021 16:53

@MacbookHo

This won’t feel like good news yet, but better 5 months than five years, or £500, or five kids!

Yes 🙌

Liverbird77 · 09/03/2021 16:58

He's a maniac. Be glad you're out now, before it got harder to walk away.
I know that's hard to hear, but this time next year you'll be thanking your lucky stars you dodged this bullet!

Eviebeans · 09/03/2021 17:10

It's very hard to hear but please listen to what people are saying - someone with young children should not be thinking about getting into a relationship with someone whose recovery from alcohol addiction is so new.

Returnoftheowl · 09/03/2021 17:53

Please listen to everyone's good advice this time, clearly this guy is no good for you, please her the red flags.
*He over reacts when asked a simple question.
*He's looking at other women online.
*He's only recently sober, which while respect to him for being sobe, it is always going to be a tricky time for him.
*He uses blocking as a threat if you step out of line (and had gone through with it this time).
*He's borrowing money from you and doesn't seem to have a clear plan to give it back.

All in all, I'd delete his number, chalk up the £100 to experience, thank my lucky stars I'm not tied to him in away and leave it will alone.

imalmostthere · 10/03/2021 07:58

Isn't this the third thread on this?! Did you keep on at him the way you have on here, because honestly op it was 5 months, and you are obsessive to the extreme.
Why do you need three threads to tell you the exact same things? You really need to let it go.

steff13 · 10/03/2021 08:05

[quote MaMaD1990]@Notanotherfreak she said this is the first time she's posted about this. If you're going to be nasty to someone, make sure you read the actual thread first.[/quote]
She has definitely posted about it before, and she definitely didn't deny that she has. She said she posted about it in January.

Notanotherfreak · 10/03/2021 08:15

@steff13 but also posted last week about the same thing, it’s the third thread. I feel for the OP, but not sure what else she is hoping to understand after 3 threads. It’s a toxic, bad relationship and she can meet someone much more trustworthy who doesn’t drive her to all this hyper vigilance. I’ve been there myself so I do empathise!

Nollopian · 10/03/2021 08:33

I'm sure I read this the other day. If you are the same poster this does not sound like a healthy relationship and you are early being negatively affected by everything that is going on.
For you to post twice in several days about the same thing, but with additional worries in this post my advice would be to end I as no one in a healthy relationship should be in this much turmoil x

youvegottenminuteslynn · 10/03/2021 09:46

@Eviebeans

This. You need to make more responsible decisions than this when you have children. You have had a few big fall outs now and stuck around, which is madness. You would wilfully keep bringing drama into your life and therefore your children's life. You'll say it doesn't affect them / they don't know but if it's affecting your mental health that means their mummy is sad / distracted / anxious / preoccupied / grumpy etc. It was silly to get into this dynamic let alone to stay in it. Please listen to people this time and leave it alone. You also pushed and pushed him on a topic when he clearly didn't want to talk about it anymore. In future when that happens you need to be prepared to walk away if someone isn't seeing your point of view or won't communicate about something important to you, rather than flogging a dead horse - it's unhealthy and toxic to keep pressing someone when they can't or won't see your point. It means you aren't compatible.

GreenlandTheMovie · 10/03/2021 10:03

[quote BrumBoo]@HotelCaliforniaOnRepeat, the op has had more than one thread full of good advice. It's irritating when anyone (in RL or here) comes back with 'remember everything you warned me about? I didnt listen and now I'm sad'. People can be empathetic and frustrated at the same time, so maybe a bit less of the 'be kind' bollocks?[/quote]
Why can't people just ignore it then, if it irritates them so much?

Surely posting a bitchy reply, taking more time out of their day, is just going to make them even more annoyed.

Unless, of course, they actially get pleasure out of being bitchy.

B33Fr33 · 10/03/2021 10:07

He sounds very unstable. It's difficult but take this chance to limit his chances of getting g back in touch with you. He sounds like he might be quite manipulative, if you try to stay friends or something. Keep him out of your life. Good luck

lydia2021 · 10/03/2021 10:20

Move on.... he already has.

prawntoastie · 10/03/2021 11:13

He's toxic and nasty.
He likely would have kept borrowing from you and not paying you back, doubt you will get the 100 back.
Forget what you told him he will forget it soon

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