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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think all contraceptive options are rubbish?

68 replies

ThatchersCold · 09/03/2021 01:17

I really need to sort out some contraception and fast, but I can’t choose what to go for, all the options seem crap.

I’m 40 and I’ve always had very light, regular periods. My most recent contraception was a copper coil, which I liked the convenience of, however my periods went from 3 days and light to 8-10 days, very heavy and incredibly painful, it felt like contractions every month. So not keen on that.

I had a mirena coil before that and that was terrible. It made me feel so depressed and loads of my hair fell out and never grew back (quite common apparently). So again not wild on the idea of them.

I haven’t been on the pill since my twenties, I was on quite a few different types in my teens/twenties, and I didn’t really like any of them. Hormonal contraception doesn’t generally agree with me, it really affects my mood and skin, and I gain weight. I’ve never tried the injection or implant for these reasons, at least if the pill doesn’t agree with me I can stop taking it!

I had a diaphragm many moons ago but they are so fiddly and not the most reliable I gather.

So that kind of leaves condoms, which I hate, and I’d like to find a longer term option.

Am I missing something? I’m hoping maybe I am, and that maybe hormonal contraception has moved on since I last took it and there’s something amazing out there that I don’t know about Grin.

I’m also aware that not everything may be suitable for somebody of my age, so need to factor that in. I’m not overweight and don’t smoke, but I do vape. Otherwise pretty healthy. Any suggestions?

OP posts:
SmokedDuck · 09/03/2021 03:57

I'd look at non-hormonal options. It makes sense really, they're drugs that affect your whole system, hormones are very powerful chemicals, so no wonder a lot of people have side effects.

I would probably go for condoms in your situation if I didn't want to look at a tubal ligation.

MumInBrussels · 09/03/2021 05:46

You're not missing anything, the options are just pretty shit. I can't use hormonal contraceptives either, and condoms are pretty much it AFAIK, really, unless you're thinking about sterilisation. (Does being sterilised mess with your hormones? I know nothing about it.)

You could look into the mini pill - the progesterone only one. My gynecologist was happy for me to take those and said they sometimes have less of an impact on moods. (The combined pill sent me insane, all variants that I tried, so that was my main concern.) But the internet suggests there are still a fair amount of people that react badly to them, so I wasn't willing to experiment. I don't hate condoms so much that I'm willing to risk going nuts again!

ShrikeAttack · 09/03/2021 06:02

The mini-pill really fucked with me hormonalally like the combined pill never did.

Just a note.

Nobranothanks · 09/03/2021 06:10

I don't get on with hormonal contraceptives - tried them all, and had awful, awful side effects (devastatingly low mood, crazy Ness) with each one. Last chance saloon tor me was the copper coil.

The first few months my periods were heavy (I have heavy periods anyway) and long. Once things settled it's been amazing. Periods slightly heavier but only for 2 days... After that just spotting. I do now get period pains the day I come on but not awful.

MuddleMoo · 09/03/2021 06:15

There is a coil with less hormones you could try - I forget what its called. Only lasts 3 years.

Backtoschool101 · 09/03/2021 07:45

If you do go for the pill OP it is really just trial and error u til you find one that works. I was on microgynon before kids. It was fine but i put weight on (water retention) came off for kids fell pg straightaway. After kids i was breastfeeding so couldnt have that. Tried 3 mini pills till i had one that didnt make me feel anxious and ratty. The one im on now is fine. But i did ask for a diaghpram to be told no we do t do these. My gp pushes all the women in our village for the mirena coil. Most want it out but they make it difficult for you to have an appointment to remove it Hmm and he refused the copper coil as he wanted me to have the hormonal one. So on the pill i am as we dont want to be sterilised.

GarlicMonkey · 09/03/2021 07:54

Had my tubes clamped. Wish I'd had it done years ago because yes, all contraceptive options ARE crap at best, damaging at worst.

NormanStangerson · 09/03/2021 08:03

@Letsallscreamatthesistene

Abstinence
Without fail, another unhelpful first comment.
Tal45 · 09/03/2021 08:10

Another vote for vasectomy if that's a possibility.

CyranosBestie · 09/03/2021 08:11

I agree, the options are all crap in some way. I am a similar age to you OP.

I was wary of trying it because of all the horror stories I read, but desogestrel (mini pill) has been great for me. The first six months I had a few minor side effects but a year in I'm totally fine. Went from regular very heavy periods to getting a very light period every few months or so. I opted for the pill because as you point out, if it didn't agree with me I could just stop taking it.

Good luck!

willibald · 09/03/2021 08:12

Lots of trusts no longer fund female sterilisation. My husband stepped up and had a vasectomy after I tried all forms of hormonal and non-hormonal contraception except the injection (have bone density issues) and as I aged they just didn't agree with me.

PinkPlantCase · 09/03/2021 08:16

Agree options are crap. I got on with the combined pill just fine when I was younger but I have headaches from a car accident and one day that went on my notes as migraine so I’m not allowed to anymore.

It took 3 different mini pills and about a year to find one that did mess me up.

Now thinking about post baby I don’t want a hormonal contraceptive. I want to give my body time to get its hormones back on track after pregnancy.

I also don’t want the coil, after my experience of how trial and error other contraceptives are I would hate to have one I couldn’t control. I’m also concerned about having one in a uterus that is getting back to normal post baby.

So that literally leaves condoms. Especially because we’ll probably start TTC when this baby is about 2. Tbf I used condoms on the mini pill anyway because I didn’t exactly trust it.

In your position if you’re done having kids I’d look at having a tubal ligation

ThePricklySheep · 09/03/2021 08:18

@ShrikeAttack

I think you'd be fighting a GP for a tubal ligation sub 30.
She’s 40 Smile
ShrikeAttack · 09/03/2021 08:23

She is indeed ThePricklySheep, I think subsequent posters weren't though.

I concede that I may have misread!

whatswithtodaytoday · 09/03/2021 08:23

We just use condoms. It's annoying but at least you don't get a wet patch?

Original poster
ThatchersCold · 09/03/2021 08:27

Thanks everyone, dammit it seems I’m not missing anything then.

I was actually referred for sterilisation 5 years ago, but didn’t go through with it as I’d just got in a relationship with someone who was, by coincidence, about to have a vasectomy, and he persuaded me to cancel mine as it more more invasive. We were together 3 years but now we are not together I really wish I’d gone through with mine! Maybe I will try and get re-referred, sounds like it could be the best option.

My new partner is only 33 and has no kids - he says he doesn’t want them but I’m not sure he doesn’t want them enough to have the snip!

OP posts:
RagzReturnsRebooted · 09/03/2021 08:32

YABU OP, I feel the same and I'm a nurse who counsels people in contraception! I've tried most and had problems with all of them, the latest being Desogestrel which so many of my patients are really happy with but it made me want to hide under my desk and cry.
I'm waiting for the DOP to be released so I can try that. New version of the mini pill called Drosperinone Only Pill (currently Drosperinone is only available here in a combined pill) which is meant to be better than Desogestrel type pill and have fewer hormonal side effects. It's marketed as Slynd in the US but doesn't seem to be here yet, though I was tipped off about it by our sexual health team so hopefully it won't be too long before we get it.

RagzReturnsRebooted · 09/03/2021 08:32

Sorry that should say YANBU!

heidbuttsupper · 09/03/2021 08:44

I'm on Sayana press, was previously on Depo injection but due to covid, I couldn't get it. Sayana has been great, self inject every 12weeks, no need to attend the doctors. I've had no periods, only some light bleeding.

Scarlettpixie · 09/03/2021 08:50

I take the mini pill. No side effects. No periods. Its fantastic!

ladybranstonpickle · 09/03/2021 08:54

Have you considered the Nuvaring?It is hormonal but I think bc it is in your vagina, the hormones are a little less overwhelming than if you take oral contraception.

I've used it for years, (with some breaks for abstinence, pregnancy etc.) and couldn't be happier. It had no effect on my breastfeeding either.

I don't know why more women don't use it, I think it's fantastic. No need to remember to take a pill each day, and if you want to remove it you can, with no more hassle than removing a tampon.

I keep it in for 4 weeks, changing it on the 1st of the month, and don't get any bleeding.

Highly recommend!

starsinyourpies · 09/03/2021 09:05

I've had the implant twice. First time absolutely brilliant, no periods, no side effects. Second time had horrific bleeding very irregular was in a panic, referred to gynae etc but then another GP put me on the pill on top which calmed it down but I was worried about hormone overload.

Just had another baby and really don't fancy any of the options but also don't want any more children now. Sadly I think DH is too squeamish to get the snip.

Iwonder08 · 09/03/2021 09:11

Vasectomy

willibald · 09/03/2021 09:13

@ladybranstonpickle

Have you considered the Nuvaring?It is hormonal but I think bc it is in your vagina, the hormones are a little less overwhelming than if you take oral contraception.

I've used it for years, (with some breaks for abstinence, pregnancy etc.) and couldn't be happier. It had no effect on my breastfeeding either.

I don't know why more women don't use it, I think it's fantastic. No need to remember to take a pill each day, and if you want to remove it you can, with no more hassle than removing a tampon.

I keep it in for 4 weeks, changing it on the 1st of the month, and don't get any bleeding.

Highly recommend!

Probably because it's more expensive than Mirena and copper coil so not often given as an option to women. LARC is hard sold as it's cheaper .
Wanderlust20 · 09/03/2021 09:15

What about Natural Cycles? I used that for a while before getting pregnant (deliberately I may add, wasn't an accident caused by the method!). You need to be really strict about taking your temperature daily but I'm a real advocate for non hormonal options now, after reading a book on how much the pill can change you. Good luck!