To just feel so sorry for old people ?

[ijustdontknowwhy]

I am being hit by this overwhelmingly sad feeling about old people at the end of their life. It's so depressing, we are all going to end up there one way or another. Just knowing that we are going to die soon. Not really being able to plan ahead at all because they may be dead by XY date.

They're just waiting for death and often wishing for it. How sad is that ? My grandma is very old and has been in pain for years and it's just so depressing to watch. She just wants to die. I just find it so sad.

I just feel so bad for everyone going through this, regardless of age really. Why is life so cruel ? What's the point if we all end up there ? Once you're there, it's your every moment, it's your now.

Sorry to be depressing. Anyone got any words? Can you understand what I mean ? It's just so shit. We run around doing all this stuff and ultimately that's it.

This isn't actually exclusive to old people. Just to everyone suffering at the end of life. Especially if they're in a lot of pain. Life is cruel.

Aw OP know what you mean!

Life can feel pointless and we all know how it ends.

Only thing that has ever given me comfort is thinking that "it's just a gift" - no more no less.

I'm not religious but I guess I'd rather have had this gift of being alive, loving and learning than not.

No comfort I know but it's what your legacy is that matters too

I think it's sad we don't have options in this country. I realise the reason we don't, but I can't think of anything worse than having something like dementia and the impact it would have on my family. I would rather go when I'm lucid and can say my good byes properly.

It is sad, I'm 37 and there is that realisation that I'm possibly halfway through my life, but then so many friends have died young, so I think there has it be some sense of achievement to have gotten to live a long life.

I work with older people. They're actually not just all sitting around waiting to die. It sounds like you are comparing how you feel about death now, at your age, to how you imagine all older people feel about. It's a mixed bag, same as any people. Some are ready to die, some aren't. Some have loads of interests and activities, some don't.

I think the "happiest" older people have made peace with the fact they have most of their lives behind them but are still alive right now.

I hope that when I'm older, that society will have enabled people to plan their own end of lives, much in the same way we plan for childbirth etc. How awful to decay, decline and linger when you could have a dignified send off. I love the idea of checking into a luxurious hotel, end my life in splendour.

Honestly, for my own self, it's why I hope euthanasia is legalised by the time I'm there. There's no greater dignity than the freedom to choose the manner of your passing and go comfortably & peacefully surrounded by the ones you love.

I work with older people. They're actually not just all sitting around waiting to die.

My grandfather really was. He articulated his desire to die regularly. He lost my grandmother whom he had been with for 70 years and felt happy and fulfilled that his children and grandchildren were grown and successful. He was ready to go and at the end quite deliberately chose not to eat to weaken himself.

I'm hoping by the time I get (hopefully) aged and inform, there will be civilised options for ending your life painlessly if your quality of life has become poor.

However it is important to remember that for most old people this never happens. Most people retain a reasonable quality of life until shortly before they die (in my Grandfather's case, he was actually walking home from the pub.)

I think your GM's experience is giving you an unduly bleak view of old age, OP

I've been constantly thinking about suicide since I was about seven. Life is shit and doesn't get any better. I often wish I'd had the guts to jump when I was seriously depressed during my twenties. It would have been horrifically painful but it would be over by now.

I genuinely feel there should be a way to legally commit suicide in a painless and clean way. I couldn't jump because I knew it would cause so much pain - not just to me, but the person who found me, the people who cleaned it up, the person who had to identify me and so on. I felt bad for them.

There should be a reliable way to end your life. Answer a few questions, get evaluated, go away for a month or a year to think about it.

Things sometimes get better, but often not. All I find now is that my emotional pain is increasingly accompanied by physical pain. I wish I could end it all - suicide has been a daily preoccupation with me for decades. I doubt I'll ever do it - I just know that I wish I'd had the guts to do it before.

I think the point I'm trying to make is that it's not just old people who are sick of life. I feel and look old, but I'm only just approaching middle age. There needs to be a way out, a way that minimises the harm to others and allows someone who wants to die to do so with a degree of dignity. Not just for the elderly, but for adults and teenagers. Some of us just know that we have lived whatever life we were meant to. Whatever we haven't done by now, we never will.

For the record this isn't a suicide note or a cry for help - I'll still be here tomorrow, and the day after that.

Sign the dying with dignity campaign.
It is awful for anyone suffering severe pain with no end in sight.
I try to make an effort to help in the supermarket and have a chat if they like.

People don't have to suffer at the end of their lives. If we had humane assisted dying laws then people could choose for the end of their lives to be as good as the rest of their lives.

Instead of the forced suffering that currently goes on. Everybody should have the right to a humane chosen death with the people they love around them.

@TakeTheCuntOutOfScunthorpe Life is full of surprises stay positive.

@TheYearOfSmallThings yeah you might be right about getting a screwed view of things. My grandfathers died quite quickly ( one from a heart attack so very fast ). My other grandmother died of cancer but the continuous screaming in pain phase lasted just a few weeks and she was having morphine too.

My grandma has just been in pain for so long now. 4 years of severe chronic pain. It's inhumane at this point.

I agree with @Balaur and think it's a mixed bag, and mainly dependent on whether a person is still in good health or not.

My one remaining grandparent is in their 90s, currently in hospital in terrible pain, unable to do anything for them self really. Wants to die , told me over the phone that they wants to kill themself now, that they wish euthanasia was an option here. Two of my other three grandparents also had long drawn out ill health and deaths. I wouldn't want to live like that and don't believe for one second that I'll change my mind on that, for a lot of reasons.

However I have another elderly relative who is late 80s and incredibly well, more like a 60 year old. He is very active and I can't imagine for one second he is just waiting to die. I really do think it varies.

I know what you mean though OP, I often feel sad when I see elderly people struggling, there was a lady in the park the other day who was really struggling to walk and I felt sad, imagining her once as a little girl, like my little girl running around in the park.

The late, great Sir Terry Pratchett said it well:

I. This is not a game.

II. Here and now, you are alive.

www.dignityindying.org.uk/
The bill in Ireland is in the process of being past.

As a Care worker, I've seen the worst of old age. Dementia, incontinence, prolapses, constant pain, loneliness, anxiety. It's shit. Being asked on numerous occasions to end a customers life. It's heart breaking and if we left pets to suffer like we let our elderly suffer, we'd be prosecuted. I fully support people being allowed to die with dignity.

I also met feisty, independent people with a real zest for life surrounded by a loving family who live happy, fullfilled lives so it's not all doom and gloom. I do think though that if you've got your mental and physical capacity in your latter years, you're doing ok.

This may be true for many elderly but not all. My grandmother is almost 85 and still had a job upto 3 years ago. She still paints her whole house, mows her lawn and is an inspiration to people half her age. She's an incredibly strong person and has always been one of my role models. On the other side, I have met many elderly people who live totally differently.

I think it depends on quality of life. My IL always referred to themselves as elderly , even in their late 60s. They were (pre covid) quite active for their age going swimming, playing golf, riding bikes , going for weekends away etc...but always worrying "how long they've got".
My Dad didnt think he was old til he was at least 80 and always thought he was going to live to 100! (He didnt)

I’m wondering at what age people have to stop planning and living their lives? Can my 87 year old not plan to go to our son’s wedding in France next year? Pity as she’s the most fluent speaker.

Shall I tell our 82 year old neighbours not to renew their car insurance and to sell their yacht?

What about the nurse whose recently retired at 86. Can she not plan to enjoy her retirement?

What about Biden? Should he cancel the presidential diary?

@LemonRoses, obviously there has to be choice. Nobody's advocated forced euthanasia, just the chance to take control of life and end it in style. See aforementioned posts.

It's just so dependent on your health. My nan is 92 and full of beans. Takes herself off shopping, does DIY and is as sharp as a pin. She still enjoys a good life. My dad died at 52 and would have loved to live to old age and enjoy a retirement. Getting old isn't a certainty, so I won't waste time worrying about it.

[quote Notanotherhun]@LemonRoses, obviously there has to be choice. Nobody's advocated forced euthanasia, just the chance to take control of life and end it in style. See aforementioned posts.[/quote]
The original post gave a very narrow and negative view of being older. Many people live quite fulfilling lives until they are quite old. Most don’t end up in care homes with advanced dementia.

If people want to commit suicide using their own resources, that is their right, however sad. That right cannot be afforded to people who have lost capacity, for the obvious reason it then becomes murder.

Its a thriving hub of OAP activity where i live in QLD..special UA3 colleges where retired old teachers pass on knowledge-tons of practical/hobby/community interest stuff. Libraries run groups where seniors teach migrants english ..tech-ed for seniors. There are lawn bowls at the corner,aqua aerobics every morning in the outside pool,yoga&tai chi all over the place&seniors swimming&canoeing that come past my apartment all the time and a brand new state of the art hospital..Its a fantastic place to grow old.

My nan is 98. Chronic pain but it's not killing her. She can't really move much. It's a struggle.