To just feel so sorry for old people ?

[ijustdontknowwhy]

I am being hit by this overwhelmingly sad feeling about old people at the end of their life. It's so depressing, we are all going to end up there one way or another. Just knowing that we are going to die soon. Not really being able to plan ahead at all because they may be dead by XY date.

They're just waiting for death and often wishing for it. How sad is that ? My grandma is very old and has been in pain for years and it's just so depressing to watch. She just wants to die. I just find it so sad.

I just feel so bad for everyone going through this, regardless of age really. Why is life so cruel ? What's the point if we all end up there ? Once you're there, it's your every moment, it's your now.

Sorry to be depressing. Anyone got any words? Can you understand what I mean ? It's just so shit. We run around doing all this stuff and ultimately that's it.

I’ve known plenty of perky oldies.

But having said that, if a person’s life is becoming a burden to them, or they’ve just had enough, then as long as they’re of sound mind, they can refuse all the life-prolonging treatments/medications that doctors will so often want to give them - because it’s generally assumed that people do want to go on as long as possible.

You can say no thanks.
And in the event that you’re not of sound mind, or can no longer speak for yourself, if you’ve had the sense in advance to put in place a Health and Welfare Power of Attorney, you can make your wishes crystal clear to whoever will be your Attorney(s).

Having seen far too much of it, my greatest fear is dementia, so my P of A is crystal clear about wanting no ‘striving to keep alive’ and dds as attorneys will know very well what I would want. Or not want.

My 90 year old mom has just booked a holiday for next year, it's all a matter of optimism.

@TakeTheCuntOutOfScunthorpe

your post resonated with me. I know exactly how you feel. I've thought about suicide since i was about 12. my life is shit as well, and i wish i'd done it a long time ago when i was in my early 20s.

i wont do it either as now i have an adult daughter who is not independent. and there's always some little nugget thrown at me that makes me cling on for another month or year. so i know i will be here in my old age, suffering emotionally and probably physically. i hope it will be a legal way to end it all by then though.

I'm in my mid 70s, quite severe physical disability, use a walking frame or wheelchair at home, daily pain but I'm not ready to die yet.

However, I am terrified of getting dementia and have saved for a long time to enable me to go to Dignitas in Switzerland at the first sign.

A family friend in his 90s went into a home when his wife could no longer cope. She visited him every week but he had no clue who she was. On several occasions he was ill, carted off to hospital resuscitated and then back into the home. What was the point?

Everyone who knew him felt happiness as well as sadness when he died.

I’ve not really experienced an old person deteriorating before. Thankfully the rest of my grandparents died fairly quickly, without long illnesses.
However, my grandma has been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s this year and it’s suddenly struck me how awful getting old must be. I sent her something in the post last week and she received it today. I was working so couldn’t answer the phone but within an hour she had called me three times and left me three voicemails to thank me. In the last one she even said “I think I might have already phoned you, I’m going a bit nuts”

It makes me so sad that she could have another 10-15 years like this just getting worse.

I think by the time you have lived close to a century, you are quite ready to die.

Obviously life is different but I am in my twenties and have made the most of every year I have had so far and done more already than many many have in a lifetime.

I was heavily depressed and suicidal as a teenager and while I don’t actively want to die I don’t see me dying as depressing.

I think if you have a life well spent or have had miserable life and notice you can only do less and less of what you want to do then, dying isn’t “awful”.

It’s easy to think “wouldn’t it be nice if we could live infinitely” but god I think it would drive everyone nuts. I would not know what to do with a lifetime, that’s why I hope the idea that we go on to heaven and live there forever is genuinely a fantasy because while I would enjoy chatting with historical figures, I can imagine having any will to aimlessly be around for thousands (or even hundreds of years).

Life is precious because it’s finite.

I feel bad for old people who die alone, and whose family abandon them to a nursing home because they are deteriorating. I don’t feel bad that people die. Most elderly people I know are quite happy to go when the time comes, and do wait for death but more as the sweet relief and sense of freedom they think they will get from it rather than the dreaded end to a life they wish they could endlessly keep on living. Most old people have lost their friends, their kids are way grown and don’t need them, their grand kids are also grown and busy, their great grandkids are fully disinterested. I mean the older you get the more you realize (I think) how disconnected you become from your own family and support system. I don’t see anyone wanting to attend to MIL/FIL or great grandma for an extra 100 years of old age if it could be done and could see it creating resentment. I think no one likes losing ability and freedom and becoming dependent and when that become the case and the person suffer it’s probably a relief to know it’s temporary.

This is why we should have assisted suicide. People should be allowed to choose when they're ready to go.

You are globalising your family members' experience of aging. Is David Attenborough just sitting around, miserable, waiting to die? No. Is Iris Apfel? No. Any number of older people are living rich, fulfilling lives, even if some are restricted by later life infirmities. Only 4-5% of older people end up in nursing homes.

Do these older women look like they have decided life is cruel and there is nothing for it but to stare down the barrel of death? No.

www.advanced.style/

@ijustdontknowwhy

I am being hit by this overwhelmingly sad feeling about old people at the end of their life. It's so depressing, we are all going to end up there one way or another. Just knowing that we are going to die soon. Not really being able to plan ahead at all because they may be dead by XY date.

They're just waiting for death and often wishing for it. How sad is that ? My grandma is very old and has been in pain for years and it's just so depressing to watch. She just wants to die. I just find it so sad.

I just feel so bad for everyone going through this, regardless of age really. Why is life so cruel ? What's the point if we all end up there ? Once you're there, it's your every moment, it's your now.

Sorry to be depressing. Anyone got any words? Can you understand what I mean ? It's just so shit. We run around doing all this stuff and ultimately that's it.

There isn't a point, laws of physics simply dictate because of past events you exist.

Try not to worry about it after all you only live 7 years maximum. Leave it to the next you to deal wkth

I think end of life is miserable in almost all cases except in the case of sudden death. It's no good saying my nan is 91 and fit as a fiddle enjoying life. Of course she is, she hasn't reached end of life yet. But she will as we all will save for fatal accident, sudden cva etc. For my own grandparents it was two x cancer 1 x heart attack (the best very quick) and 1 x dementia. None of them went calmly or with dignity. Hardly anyone does. Yes op it is very sad and assisted dying is very much needed.

I think we need to talk about assisted dying, in this country. I don't think (and I don't want) that we'll get to a stage were you can pop yourself off because you're depressed (sorry folks!) but often end of life care seems... barbaric, and counterproductive, for both individuals and for wider society and I think assisted dying would often be a kindness, a compassionate way to end the suffering of people who want this.

That said, we should, I think take some responsibility for our lot. Old people who don't want to make friends, go out, socialize, keep busy, are responsible for the fallout from their decisions, and there's a lot we as individuals can to try to stave off the illnesses and infirmities we may experience as old people.

Failing that, there's always Dignitas. If you can afford it, and get there at the right time...

In the UK, we can make legal declarations, while we are of sound mind, Living Wills, aka 'advance directives', they're called. And that means we can all go DNR, when we're old, and infirm, should that opportunity arise.

It's not much, but it's better than nothing.