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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this won’t really work - wedding venue?

39 replies

aintnocoffeebigenough · 08/03/2021 08:14

DP and I are getting married next year at 3pm and have been looking for a venue to have a meal and an evening do afterwards. Found a lovely venue that said we can have the meal in the restaurant area and then move into the big bar/function room for the evening do.

Was all looking great until we came to discussing seating arrangements and realised we wouldn’t all fit into the main ‘square’ of the restaurant if you see what I mean. You know how some restaurants have a few more tables round the corner/down a hallway? We’d have to use these areas to seat some of our guests so we wouldn’t all be dining together if you see what I mean - we’d be out of each other’s sight for the duration of the meal.

DP says it’s fine because we’ll only be in this area for two hours or so whilst we are dining and that nobody would really be up chatting to other tables at this point anyway because they’ll be eating. Does anyone agree with him? I’m a bit hopeless and have only been to two or three weddings so I don’t know if this would be a bit odd. Am I overthinking it?

OP posts:
AllTheCakes · 08/03/2021 08:15

I think it would be a bit odd. People might not be able to see the speeches?

superram · 08/03/2021 08:16

You can’t do this to your guests, ask to eat in the function room.

Zarinea · 08/03/2021 08:16

The people round the corners would feel very B list. I'd avoid.

WineInTheWillows · 08/03/2021 08:17

@AllTheCakes

I think it would be a bit odd. People might not be able to see the speeches?
This
BikeRunSki · 08/03/2021 08:18

It may only be 2 hours, but the meal and speeches is an important part of the proceedings, where the guests really need to be engaged with the bridal party, not out of sight!

Wickstead · 08/03/2021 08:19

We went to a wedding like this.... it was really obvious that the bride and bride had just booked the venue with little thought to where everyone would go (not helped by the fact everyone was squished in because it was raining).

We were in the side bit, and felt really disconnected from the main event.

TeenMinusTests · 08/03/2021 08:22

How many people would you have to lose to all fit in the main area?
Presumably invitations aren't out yet, so could you just cut numbers a bit?

Perfectenschlag · 08/03/2021 08:23

Yeah, that would be uncomfortable for those guests sitting away from you. It's an obvious marker for being a B list guest. Surely you can have the meal in the function room? Then they flip it for the evening/party?

JemimaTiggywinkle · 08/03/2021 08:27

Yea it’s awkward as it would be obvious who your least favourite guests are.

I went to a wedding like this where guests were actually seated in two different rooms.
We had to go into the other room to listen to the speeches, so we were just awkwardly standing around where other people were sitting at their tables.

Aprilx · 08/03/2021 08:28

No don’t do it, the people round the corner / in the corridor will feel B list. They would probably be less snubbed by not being invited, as we can all understand people have budgets to manage. I would either choose a different venue or cut the invitations so that you only use the main room.

I am baffled by your fiancé’s position that this would only be for two hours. That would be a really long time to sit in the corridor feeling inferior to other guests. Confused

Lindy2 · 08/03/2021 08:30

I've been to a wedding where they had this. It was in an old abbey with lots of strange shaped areas. Several tables were in areas where you couldn't see the top table.

It was a while ago but I think we all stood in the main area for the speeches and then sat at our tables for the meal. Afterwards everyone just mingled everywhere in the building.

It was absolutely fine as far as I was concerned but then I'm not one to feel offended at the position of a table or even the infamous mumsnet "evening only" invitation.

It's usually pretty obvious that close family will be closest to the top table and more distant relatives and friends a bit further out. I remember just having a good time at a friend's wedding.

Original poster
aintnocoffeebigenough · 08/03/2021 08:35

I am baffled by your fiancé’s position that this would only be for two hours. That would be a really long time to sit in the corridor feeling inferior to other guests.
Some of the gems he’s come out with so far in this planning process have also baffled me, I definitely WON’T be recommending he goes into events management any time soon! Grin

Glad to see that we are all in agreement that it would be weird. I had considered cutting the numbers - we’d need to get rid of about 10 guests for us all to fit in the main room. I thought I could invite just those 10 guests to the evening do but then didn’t know if that’d just be worse?! What would be preferable - getting a day invite but feeling like a B-List guest stuck down the corridor in the restaurant or not getting a day invite and possibly being a bit put out that you’re one of the only evening guests? MN has given me the fear of inviting evening guests Grin God I’m not cut out for events planning either!

Will definitely enquire about eating in the function room/bar, it’s just a very different sort of vibe - low tables, sofas, low lighting etc. Looks like the venue hunt will have to continue!

OP posts:
Original poster
aintnocoffeebigenough · 08/03/2021 08:37

It was a while ago but I think we all stood in the main area for the speeches and then sat at our tables for the meal. Afterwards everyone just mingled everywhere in the building.

@Lindy2 yes this was the plan if we were to go ahead - have the speeches in the main room bit whilst we are having a pre-meal drink or have them just after the meal in the function room. They’re probably only going to last about 5 minutes anyway given that none of us are big talkers whatsoever Grin

OP posts:
stablefeet · 08/03/2021 08:38

Just go somewhere else.

Aprilx · 08/03/2021 08:41

@Lindy2

I've been to a wedding where they had this. It was in an old abbey with lots of strange shaped areas. Several tables were in areas where you couldn't see the top table.

It was a while ago but I think we all stood in the main area for the speeches and then sat at our tables for the meal. Afterwards everyone just mingled everywhere in the building.

It was absolutely fine as far as I was concerned but then I'm not one to feel offended at the position of a table or even the infamous mumsnet "evening only" invitation.

It's usually pretty obvious that close family will be closest to the top table and more distant relatives and friends a bit further out. I remember just having a good time at a friend's wedding.

I think an old abbey with lots of strange shaped areas, is a bit different to being in the overflow corridor of a more modern venue (assuming OP has chosen a more modern venue than an old abbey).
DavidsSchitt · 08/03/2021 08:43

No, you can't just shove guests in a different room!

CovoidOfAllHumanity · 08/03/2021 08:46

I've been to a wedding like this and didn't mind. We were the B list people in another room but I was with all my friends having a good time and B&G made a point of circulating. It was mostly family in the 'main room'

However this was in a church hall and we all knew it was on a shoestring budget. If they had been paying for a posh hotel and it wasn't fit for purpose then maybe I'd have felt differently.

Doilooklikeatourist · 08/03/2021 08:47

I went to a wedding which had this issue , they actually put the “ Top Table “ in the annexe part , and all the guests in the main bit
Came through to the main part for the speeches , and table hopped the rest of the time
It was , however , a very relaxed wedding ( and worked really well )

Original poster
aintnocoffeebigenough · 08/03/2021 08:50

DP did actually say we could put the top table in the annexe part but I didn’t know if that was even weirder!

I know the easy answer is just find a different venue but the area we live in isn’t great for the type of wedding we are looking for. We have a huge Asian community and so the majority of the venues are very gorgeous and glamorous banquet halls fit for 200+ people - our 60 guests would look ridiculous inside Grin Which is why we’ve been looking at hiring restaurants etc and places that aren’t necessarily purpose built venues - but this obviously comes with the issue of not being the right layout!

OP posts:
Twickerhun · 08/03/2021 08:52

I went to a wedding like this they out the families with small children and the singles on tables in corridors. We felt very b list and all got drunk and had a marvellous time but didn’t engage with the wedding much. I had travelled a long way to attend and was slightly annoyed

Nickstevie · 08/03/2021 08:55

I’ve been in a conservatory area of a wedding and we did just joke joke joke about it all wedding. I didn’t mind as I’d rather joke about it but some people were properly offended. Honestly, it’s all we spoke about all dinner.

user1493413286 · 08/03/2021 08:57

I would cut the numbers to fit them all in one room; the atmosphere in that other room will be rubbish and it will be a clear way of saying you’re less important than the rest of us.
I think it’s just on mumsnet that people are funny about being evening guests; I’ve been an evening guest to weddings of wider family members, colleagues, neighbours and never had an issue with it

Disfordarkchocolate · 08/03/2021 08:58

I think the people on those tables would feel insulted. If that's your venue you need fewer guests or to eat in another room.

Potterythrowdown · 08/03/2021 09:12

We went to a wedding like this - all the groom's friends & more distant relatives were in the back room, couldn't see the speeches properly, got served last etc. We got very very drunk and then the groom was ribbed mercilessly by his mates for hiding us away.

BikeRunSki · 08/03/2021 09:15

I’d much rather be wanted as an evening guest, rather than an all day guest in the way.