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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want to homeschool?

43 replies

Scoobydoobydoo123 · 07/03/2021 19:15

I’ve always wanted to homeschool my children but DH is very anti it. Lockdown has shown that both children respond well to homeschooling. I’m a teacher and I have been very ill and will be leaving my school in the summer. My husband and his family think I’m insane to even consider homeschooling and that the children will suffer because of it (mainly in terms of socialising).
Has anyone made the jump into homeschooling?

OP posts:
TeenMinusTests · 07/03/2021 19:35

There's a Home Ed board under the education topic.
What do the children think?

CloseEncountersOfTheTurdKind · 07/03/2021 19:36

Home education is great, once covid restrictions are over you'll be able to join local home ed groups. Socialisation really isn't an issue- I think its the biggest misconception people have about home ed! Plus you get cheaper holidays as you can go in term time Wink
If you want more info, Education Otherwise is a good place to start- they have a website and a Facebook group.

skeggycaggy · 07/03/2021 19:38

I’m not home educating now but I have done in the past. Yes, it can be marvellous for the whole family!

LittleLadyCece · 07/03/2021 20:04

Being a teacher certainly would help when it came to home schooling. However, would your kids pay as much attention to you considering your their parent compared to being in school? I know mine certainly didn't 😅

willibald · 07/03/2021 20:07

So you want him to carry all the financial burden for the family? I'd be pretty anti that, too.

GiveTheGirlAGun · 07/03/2021 20:10

I'd love to. However I am no longer able to keep up with DCs maths and I hate (always have) tramping about in wet/cold weather. I envisage a lot of that. Plus, I am not too good at socialising with groups.
Academics wise, it's a no brainer. If only I had the money for a maths tutor and some confidence.

Scoobydoobydoo123 · 07/03/2021 20:18

willibald I earn double what he earns tutoring on evenings and weekends. Thanks for your concern. Hmm

OP posts:
Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 07/03/2021 20:20

Do your children hate school, struggle to have their needs met and fail to learn there?

If not, homeschooling is purely for your benefit and not theirs. Why would you deny children basic life experiences, friendships and the ability to develop? Sorry but I think this is a very unhealthy urge and not something many kids would actually want. They may struggle to articulate this to you (due to not wanting to be hurtful) but it’s a harsh punishment for not feeling able to say no. As a child I can tell you I would have sooner died, but would not have felt able to tell my parents that their smothering disgusted me.

Ostryga · 07/03/2021 20:24

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

Do your children hate school, struggle to have their needs met and fail to learn there?

If not, homeschooling is purely for your benefit and not theirs. Why would you deny children basic life experiences, friendships and the ability to develop? Sorry but I think this is a very unhealthy urge and not something many kids would actually want. They may struggle to articulate this to you (due to not wanting to be hurtful) but it’s a harsh punishment for not feeling able to say no. As a child I can tell you I would have sooner died, but would not have felt able to tell my parents that their smothering disgusted me.

I totally agree with all of this.
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 07/03/2021 20:25

I didn’t enjoy home schooling with my DD because I’m her mum not her teacher. I am a qualified teacher so I am capable of doing it but it brought a different dynamic to our relationship that I didn’t like. I don’t think she did either.

Part of what my DD loves about school is her peers. I am not a good enough substitute for that!

Symbion · 07/03/2021 20:26

You're in a vastly better position to do a good job of it than most of us, but I think it does need both parents and the children themselves on board with it. Have you weighed up the costs and benefits from your children's point of view? Why not let them go back for now and evaluate over the summer holidays?

AdoptedBumpkin · 07/03/2021 20:27

It depends if your children enjoy school, and whether they are fulfilling their potential.

UnconsideredTrifles · 07/03/2021 20:29

I teach home-schooled children. Some families do it because the children weren't happy in school, some because of circumstances, some because they love it - it definitely isn't only for those unhappy with school.

The life experiences of my students are often amazing - they may be very different from 'normal' but their lives are full and social. Homeschooling gives them a wealth of opportunities, provided their parents are proactive in creating those chances.

If you are serious about it, look for your local home-ed group and ask for advice; every group I've encountered has been very welcoming!

Angelica789 · 07/03/2021 20:32

From my observations I’d say a lot of people homeschool because they aren’t going to work and want to keep the pattern of the toddler years going. They want to carry on taking their kids to activities where they can meet other parents and feel like they have a fully active role in their children’s development.

I can understand this urge because as your kids grow and need you less you can be left with very little to satisfy you if you don’t have a job.

Angelica789 · 07/03/2021 20:40

@UnconsideredTrifles

I teach home-schooled children. Some families do it because the children weren't happy in school, some because of circumstances, some because they love it - it definitely isn't only for those unhappy with school.

The life experiences of my students are often amazing - they may be very different from 'normal' but their lives are full and social. Homeschooling gives them a wealth of opportunities, provided their parents are proactive in creating those chances.

If you are serious about it, look for your local home-ed group and ask for advice; every group I've encountered has been very welcoming!

What type of amazing life experiences do you mean?

I’m a very average person and I don’t see my kids getting many amazing experiences if they were at home with me all the time. We don’t have the money to go on extended trips abroad or even to spend a couple of months at the coast in this country doing surfing or sailing. We don’t have friends who do exciting jobs or are artists or performers and could involve them in that. I can see how some people could do this but that’s very different to it being any kind of possibility for the vast majority and not really helpful to imply it’s an effect of homeschooling. It’s a effect of having a certain type of parent.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 07/03/2021 20:45

The amazing life experiences of not being able to make friends with the kids you want. The amazing life experiences of your parents selecting every detail of your academics so you can’t have any interests of your own. The amazing life experience of knowing that your parent lives through you and if you want a life of your own you’re going to break them. The amazing life experience of not having the common experiences other kids have so struggling to make connections with them. The amazing life experience of being denied any viewpoint but that of your parents. The amazing life experience of only learning subjects to the depth of knowledge your parents have.

I could go on...

UnconsideredTrifles · 07/03/2021 20:52

I can only speak of my own experiences with home-ed families - it is of course possible that the ones who use my services are the exception.

On the other hand, I don't think it's fair to assume that school is the only valid option for children. I grew up very close to a home-ed family who arranged 6 month exchanges with children in France and Germany which allowed their children to experience different cultures (including school!) and develop their independence. Their children were much more socially able and confident than many at school, and went on to make their own opportunities as adults with an assertiveness I really envy. Maybe they would have been the same regardless of whether they went to school - who knows?

SuperSleepyBaby · 07/03/2021 20:54

What age are your children?

What do they enjoy about going to school - and what do they not enjoy?

ChameleonClara · 07/03/2021 20:56

Have home educated and school educated at various points. Both have good points.

Those who think home ed is socially limiting are wrong. Only controlling parents control their children's friendships.

However - don't underestimate the work to do it well.

lioncitygirl · 07/03/2021 20:57

They would miss out on the social elements of school and no amount of ‘social interaction’ will ever make up for this. And you’ll start to blur the lines between parent - teacher. IMO of course. She’s your child - do whatever works for you and your family.

ChameleonClara · 07/03/2021 20:59

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

The amazing life experiences of not being able to make friends with the kids you want. The amazing life experiences of your parents selecting every detail of your academics so you can’t have any interests of your own. The amazing life experience of knowing that your parent lives through you and if you want a life of your own you’re going to break them. The amazing life experience of not having the common experiences other kids have so struggling to make connections with them. The amazing life experience of being denied any viewpoint but that of your parents. The amazing life experience of only learning subjects to the depth of knowledge your parents have.

I could go on...

Your posts suggest you had a difficult upbringing but this is really not the way most parents are with their children and not reflective of home ed in general.
BeingATwatItsABingThing · 07/03/2021 22:04

The amazing life experience of only learning subjects to the depth of knowledge your parents have.

This would be my concern. I’m trained to teach primary. I could probably get by teaching a few subjects to GCSE by staying ahead of my child in the curriculum but not all of them.

Do I send my child to secondary school without the experience of primary? Do I scrape by with my passable knowledge for GCSEs and then my child go to college to get their A Levels?

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 07/03/2021 22:20

@ChameleonClara thankfully I wasn’t put through this but I knew others who were. Their parents were all either horrendously over-involved in their lives or out and out religious nuts. None are in great places now—many went totally nuts when they got the freedom of uni after years of 24/7 parental alienation.

There are genuine cases of children failed by schools because of special needs, but beyond that it is only ever done by parents who have something missing in their lives and decide to get this through their children.

lovepickledlimes · 07/03/2021 22:58

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy I really think it depends on the child but I certainly have been better homeschooled not because of any special needs but because of how highly strung I was that sitting through school on edge the whole time really had me very drained.

BiBabbles · 07/03/2021 23:20

It's not unreasonable to want to home educate - it can have many benefits. It would be unreasonable to push forward without also considering the responsibilities and risks involved which, I think, should at least a bit daunting. I'm wary of either home or school education being painted as all lovely or all horrible.

Taking on the full responsibility for our children's education is a large task with a lot to consider. There are a lot of options of what to cover -- no type of education can teach everything, there are time and energy limits along with the limits of what we can teach and what our children will be able to handle while balancing the rest of their wellbeing. It is quite possible to give our children plenty of choices in their education, but we have to facilitate them having those options. Few home educating parents I know, myself included, manage match what our ideal would be within our actual families and limits and possibly even more so, those of us with chronic illness and disabilities.

Social isolation is a risk, even without a controlling parents involved. It also exists in schools, but as home educators we have to ensure we're facilitating socializing in a more proactive way. Yes, some home educators have very busy social calendars -- but that's was nowhere near a universal experience pre-COVID - the cliches and bullying and parental pressure in friendships that can happen in schools does happen in home education groups when they were running and now many groups and activities are closed. Schools reopening isn't going to change much for my home educated child (and our only other options are "inadequate" failing primary schools with safeguarding among other issues, at least until we move, so...).

It can be wonderful and I'm glad I chose to do it, but it is a big responsibility, some days that's heavier than others, and like with everything else, there are limits that have to be accepted.

Do I send my child to secondary school without the experience of primary?

I've two children attending secondary after being home educated for primary, and my oldest chose to be home educated until he could do GCSEs at college.

It really hasn't been an issue for them - they may have a home primary experience, but that isn't no experience of wider society. With two of my children having SEN, it meant they were allowed to focus on the basics for as long as they needed. I think they've benefitted from having additional time to develop without the competition of the classroom, from having me and others teaching them who are so open about our limits - we really bring in how we can learn from anyone, even dear old mum - and really, I think they appreciate school more.

When they were making the choice to move to school, I was clear that they were choosing the responsibilities of it too - the rules, the homework, all of it - unless something is actively to their detriment, I won't step in. They were also accepting the risks that it wouldn't be as they hoped - it's not like TV and it is a very different experience than I give - and they have to attend for a full term minimum if they start and they've all continued. We've had a lot of talks since DD1 started in 2019 involving X is annoying, but it's worth it for Y and Z. My DD2 gives me a percentage of how happy she in her choice - it's never 100% and we talk about the value of 75% happy. Having options has benefitted them, and I'm glad to have been able to have given that to them, now we've more options on what areas I'm teacher-mum and can facilitate things they don't have at school while I can leave other areas to the school.