To want to homeschool?

[Scoobydoobydoo123]

I’ve always wanted to homeschool my children but DH is very anti it. Lockdown has shown that both children respond well to homeschooling. I’m a teacher and I have been very ill and will be leaving my school in the summer. My husband and his family think I’m insane to even consider homeschooling and that the children will suffer because of it (mainly in terms of socialising).
Has anyone made the jump into homeschooling?

He doesn't want it, you do.

Where are the children in this?

@MrsTerryPratchett

He doesn't want it, you do.

Where are the children in this?

The clearest post on this thread.

This is what you need to consider.

I have experience of both. It depends.

• Some schools are wonderful, some leave children psychologically scarred for life. Which are you dealing with?

• Some children thrive at school, some are crushed and bored by it. Which are yours?

• Some children have a close circle of school friends, others have nothing in common with their classmates and feel achingly lonely at school. How are yours?

• Some counties are filled with enthusiastic home educators offering all sorts of friendly meet up opportunities. Beach school, drama, forest school, rock climbing, horse riding, ice skating, tutor groups, passing gcses at age ten... In other areas, the home ed community can be absent, or cliquey, or tend to extremes: either a v high proportion of SEN or a high number of parents who (erm what is the word for someone who doesn’t believe in face masks or vaccines but does believe in crystal healing?)... Before deregistering anyone, check out what your area is like for home ed.

• Socialisation aka having close friends is very very important. You may be able to provide this through home ed circles, or you may struggle to. It’s fashionable in home ed circles to deny that this is ever a problem. But it often is.

• How do you see your children’s future? Bluntly, are they aiming for A grades and university, or are they likely to go for jobs where grades aren’t important? You may be a great teacher but you probably can’t coach them to A grades in physics art German and French 🤷‍♀️

• Doing home ed well is expensive, look up the cost of sitting gcses and a levels privately, and that’s without all the groups and activities and online subscriptions etc etc. I don’t know your situation but bear this in mind.

• You’re allowed to try it out, or just do it for primary then use schools for secondary. Join some of the many home education facebook groups (and in those groups, call it home education not home schooling, or you’ll find people getting irritated).

Good luck!

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

The amazing life experiences of not being able to make friends with the kids you want. The amazing life experiences of your parents selecting every detail of your academics so you can’t have any interests of your own. The amazing life experience of knowing that your parent lives through you and if you want a life of your own you’re going to break them. The amazing life experience of not having the common experiences other kids have so struggling to make connections with them. The amazing life experience of being denied any viewpoint but that of your parents. The amazing life experience of only learning subjects to the depth of knowledge your parents have.

I could go on...

How rude and judgemental.

You really have nothing to lose homeschooling for a couple of years and then re enrolling if it doesnt work out.
Join home ed groups and ex curricular clubs, sports, music if you can.
Mine was home schooled for two years between 11 and 14...years 8, 9. Went back reintegrated, did v well.at.gcse and a level, now at uni.
It was a happy time.
My other children went to school...looking back one would have also.benefited from a more flexible set up in early teens or even primary.
Very freeing!!

Children follow their own interests when homeschooled btw, parents facilitate this.

Doing home ed well is expensive that’s a myth, it really doesn’t have to be.

My brother was homeschooled and in his case it has crippled him. He was taken off school quite young and so never learnt to properly take notes. His handwriting to this day looks very childish because he hasn't written a lot. He was socially isolated and had no friends. When my parents tried to send him back to school it was a disaster. He couldn't follow the lessons as he wasn't used to focusing like that for any length of time, he didn't know how to make friends and was bullied, and didn't keep up academically. He never recovered from that and I have no idea what we'll do with him when my parents are gone.

Bottom line : home education may work for some, but it has many pitfalls you should be aware of. It also depends on the child's personality, the family culture and the dynamic between you. You're the only one who can tell whether this would work for your family.

Personally I wouldn't, even if I could (single parent, working full time so not possible). I'd rather help them with homework in the evening and the weekend, and foster their personal interests and hobbies.

I’m a teacher too on mat leave and I personally found teaching my own DC a totally different ballgame. They didn’t respond well to it whatsoever because I’m their Mum, not their teacher and it’s a totally different environment to school. I think my DC secretly enjoy the structure and routine school offers. We did structure the homeschooling day but it’s never the same.

My friend homeschools but I do worry sometimes for her DC. She’s in touch with a local home-ed group and they go to a couple of extra curricular things every week in ordinary times so they do socialise but she uses the unschooling method and her eldest is 11 now. I worry her kids will be a bit weird to be perfectly honest, they don’t know what any of the ordinary crazes kids their age enjoy are because they’re shielded from it and they only really socialise with kids like them... I think they’ll have a bit of a shock when they enter the ‘real world’.

If socialising is your partner's main concern, get in touch with your local home ed community and find out what is on offer. Not all families want or need such groups - there are many other ways to make friends! - but if there are plenty of home ed activities in your area then it is likely to be extremely easy.

The social aspect of home education was one of the biggest draws for my eldest child, who was super sociable and would have disliked the restrictions school placed on their social life. (Were none of you ever told at school, "We are not here to socialise, young lady"? My teachers certainly seemed to have a different agenda for us!) That child did try school in Y5 and chose to leave again. One of their main reasons for making this decision was because school was so time-consuming that it robbed them of opportunities to play with friends.

I have another child who doesn't like crowds and enjoys spending most of her time in a peaceful environment. Her closest friends are several years younger than herself, because she has more in common with younger children. If she were at school she would be stuck with children of her own age for most of her time. Also, I think it likely that the peer pressure there would damage her self-esteem. It isn't the done thing at school for a girl her age to climb trees, jump in puddles and watch cartoons. You might well consider her odd, but home education hasn't made her that way; it has allowed her to be herself. She is a happy, confident kid who is well liked.

Why not see if your partner will agree to a one-year trial of home education, and then reassess? It doesn't have to be forever. That would give all of you time to see how it will work out for you. The kids will then know whether they prefer school or home ed.

I worry her kids will be a bit weird to be perfectly honest, they don’t know what any of the ordinary crazes kids their age enjoy are because they’re shielded from it and they only really socialise with kids like them... I think they’ll have a bit of a shock when they enter the ‘real world’.

Well, you could turn that on its head and say schoolkids could turn out a bit weird through being separated from the rest of society for many of their waking hours, associating mainly with those who are exactly their own age, being told what they must learn and believing that what's done at their particular school is the way it has to be. The nine year olds my kid encountered at school seemed to have little experience of the world outside their own school. For instance, they believed that it was abnormal for girls to be friends with boys, that kids who didn't know their times tables or read proficiently were stupid, and that children their age were incapable of going on the bus alone. School isn't the real world. It's a tiny part of the real world, a part which schoolchildren will one day leave behind them, and that can come as a shock to them.

@Saracen so children being allowed to be a part of the culture of others their age is to be discouraged according to you? This is exactly why so many homeschooled kids are, as PP said, “a bit weird” and avoided by others. I wouldn’t do that to a child...

[quote Onjnmoeiejducwoapy]@Saracen so children being allowed to be a part of the culture of others their age is to be discouraged according to you? This is exactly why so many homeschooled kids are, as PP said, “a bit weird” and avoided by others. I wouldn’t do that to a child...[/quote]
No, that isn't what I said. My view is that it is limiting to spend so much time with one fixed group of children of exactly the same age that they don't get a wider perspective on the world.

Home educated kids can, and usually do, spend plenty of time with other kids. My two associated with a variety of people of all different ages in different settings, and were exposed to all sorts of views, both mainstream and unusual.

@Norwaydidnthappen

I’m a teacher too on mat leave and I personally found teaching my own DC a totally different ballgame. They didn’t respond well to it whatsoever because I’m their Mum, not their teacher and it’s a totally different environment to school. I think my DC secretly enjoy the structure and routine school offers. We did structure the homeschooling day but it’s never the same.

My friend homeschools but I do worry sometimes for her DC. She’s in touch with a local home-ed group and they go to a couple of extra curricular things every week in ordinary times so they do socialise but she uses the unschooling method and her eldest is 11 now. I worry her kids will be a bit weird to be perfectly honest, they don’t know what any of the ordinary crazes kids their age enjoy are because they’re shielded from it and they only really socialise with kids like them... I think they’ll have a bit of a shock when they enter the ‘real world’.

Is school the real world? Or is the world outside school the real world?

Why do we all have to follow the same "crazes" in order not to be weird?

Christ, poor children is all I’m going to say...

There's a huge range of home education experiences and approaches. You'll probably get more support and insight on the Home Education board.

In terms of AYBU when your husband is against it, it depends. If you're still bringing in money from tutoring so financially it's doable, then it will probably come down to whether you and your husband have the same outlook on home education. If you can find common ground and a plan for your DC's education long term then YANBU to want to try, but if he is very pro formal education and you're proposing unschooling indefinitely with little consideration of their options beyond school age then YABU.

What do your children want?

It's irrelevant unless both parents are on board surely?