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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU sister and renting

43 replies

blankfish344 · 07/03/2021 18:26

Due to a relationship breakup, I now live with my sister who is one year older than me. I pay £450pcm for a room in her house. Moved in, in Jan and hope to be out before summer as I've bought my own house. She has recently (last night) reignited with someone who she wants to have a sexual relationship with. She has therefore proposed that I stay elsewhere occasionally when she wants him around for sex.

I think this is unfair because she wouldn't treat a friend or a regular tenant this way. I feel she's taking advantage of my position as her sister, who needs a roof over her head. I'm a teacher and my weekends are precious to me, the thought of having to find somewhere to stay on the weekends for the nights she wants him round seems awful to me.

She thinks I'm being unreasonable and will not see my point of view.

Please give me your honest opinions, I plan to show her the thread either way.

OP posts:

QueenOfPain · 07/03/2021 18:28

Take a reduction in rent equivalent to the cost of a hotel for her required number of nights.

stablefeet · 07/03/2021 18:29

She is being very unreasonable. I'd give her the space she wants by moving as soon as possibl.

Carolina24 · 07/03/2021 18:30

You pay rent so you definitely don’t have to leave. Why can’t she have sex with you in the house? Unless she’s a performance moaner she should just get on with it.

AnyFucker · 07/03/2021 18:30

She pays for a hotel room for you then. You pay the going rate for a room, you are entitled to use it 7 days a week.

DartmoorDoughnut · 07/03/2021 18:30

I like @QueenOfPain suggestion, she’s being cheeky to ask but in the interest of sisterly harmony if she wants you to not be there then a rent reduction which pays for a hotel room seems reasonable!

JamesMiddletonsMarshmallows · 07/03/2021 18:30

@QueenOfPain

Take a reduction in rent equivalent to the cost of a hotel for her required number of nights.

This!

Disgusting she wants you out so she can have loud sex. Where does she think you're gonna go?!

What is the £450 a month for? Rent and bills or just rent? How much is a 2 bed flat in your area pcm?

UserTwice · 07/03/2021 18:30

I agree with you - I think she's got to treat you as she would any other tenant. Asking you to make yourself scarce for the occasional special night (birthday/anniversary etc) fine. Asking you to find somewhere else to stay every time he comes over - not ok.

Of course the flip side is that she is well within her rights to decide she doesn't want you to stay in her house anymore, so perhaps you need to factor that into your decision. Maybe there's a compromise to be had? Presumably she'll go round to his house sometimes?

user1493413286 · 07/03/2021 18:30

Yes it’s unreasonable; for one thing you pay rent but also it’s just a bit of a crappy thing to do. Is it that she feels awkward having sex with you in the house or does she want an evening in the house with him? If it’s the second could you say you’ll leave them to it in the lounge so they can have the evening together.

Original poster

blankfish344 · 07/03/2021 18:31

@QueenOfPain I actually joked that she reimbursed me £20 per night she wants me away. She said this was unreasonable. Me and my ex stayed here abiht 18 months ago and she overheard us having sex, she is now saying "why can you have sex in my house and I can't?" Which is completely not the point. It's me being asked to leave my home, however temporary this home may be, for nights at a time to allow her to get her end away.

OP posts:

HelloDulling · 07/03/2021 18:31

Do they want to have sex in your room?? Tell her you’ll keep out of their way, and put earplugs in when you go to bed.

ssd · 07/03/2021 18:31

Shes out of order. Is she usually as spoiled?

Original poster

blankfish344 · 07/03/2021 18:33

The thing is I don't actually mind compromising and staying at my dad's occasionally. It's just that she won't acknowledge it is, technically, an unfair request and not something that I should have to do.

OP posts:

Soubriquet · 07/03/2021 18:34

Tell her you’ll buy yourself some earplugs and they can have as much sex as they like but you are not leaving the home you pay for unless she gives a reduction on rent

QueenOfPain · 07/03/2021 18:34

She’s being completely unreasonable. If she wants all of the freedoms of living alone and shagging noisily all the house then it’s going to cost her £450pcm ultimately.

It’s not fair to expect you to have to beg to stop at other peoples houses every other weekend (especially in these covid times) or whatever she’s got planned, why doesn’t she go and have sex at his house?

EveryDayIsADuvetDay · 07/03/2021 18:35

Loud but socially distanced sex

Aprilx · 07/03/2021 18:36

She is being very unreasonable. It is not as if you are just paying a token rent, you are paying what I would consider to be a typical lodger rent and she should not be asking you to leave unless she is going to pay for your hotel. I still don’t understand why she needs you to leave anyway, loads of people house share and don’t need the housemates to vacate whilst their boyfriend / girlfriend visits.

FolkyFoxFace · 07/03/2021 18:37

That's ridiculous! Pre Covid my sibling lived with us for 6 months. He threw us £100 a month (which is the most I'd accept), and we wouldn't have dreamed of making life difficult for him!

Like others have said, if she's really going to insist on this then she should be reducing the rent so you can get a hotel. Not that you should have to - you're paying rent! It just boggles the mind. Ridiculous.

Original poster

blankfish344 · 07/03/2021 18:37

Thanks guys. Didn't know if I was being crazy. I'm back to school tomorrow after 3 months off and I wanted to have a really relaxed night, now I'm anxious and stressed after arguing with her about this and having to think about when I can and cannot stay in the place I pay rent at

OP posts:

FangsForTheMemory · 07/03/2021 18:38

I would find somewhere else to live, tbh.

WeatherwaxLives · 07/03/2021 18:40

Her 'why can you have sex and not me?' argument is completely nonsensical.

You had sex with her there, you didn't ask her to stay elsewhere. You're (presumably) not telling her she can't have sex with you there.

The whole thing is weird. Just tell her you don't care if she has sex with you in the house, you're not some ancient maiden aunt that's going to be giving them the third degree over the weetabix in the morning.

If she's that bothered why can't she stay with him?

Wellpark · 07/03/2021 18:42

I'd never charge my sister rent!

sorryforswearing · 07/03/2021 18:47

She’s unreasonable for all the reasons already given. It’s not very sisterly of her to make you feel uncomfortable like this. £20 back isn’t enough either. Where can you stay for that?

MuddleMoo · 07/03/2021 18:47

She wouldn't ask any other tenant to leave.

ArtfulScreamer · 07/03/2021 18:48

YANBU I used to house share and neither me or my housemate would've dreamed of asking the other to clear off whilst we "entertained". We were lucky that both me and my housey worked shifts so she or I was often on nights but if we weren't we just had bit of consideration and gave the chandelier swinging a rest that night.

ktp100 · 07/03/2021 18:56

I'd book a decent hotel and tell her you'll be deducting the price from next month's rent.

Cheeky cow!!

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