AIBU to stop giving gifts after 18th?

[ChocOrange1]

My niece (husbands brothers daughter) is turning 18 later this year. WIBU to give her an 18th birthday gift, but then stop giving gifts and just send a card from then on?

For context, we live very close to the family but have seen niece about 3 times in the last 2 years. Obviously lockdowns have happened but we saw the family a few times last summer and niece didn't come along. She doesn't have a wishlist for gifts, so we sent money or amazon vouchers and we have never recieved a thank you text. She has two much younger siblings and we would continue to send them gifts until they were also 18 (by which time niece would be 30). We have a large extended family so its not like we are the only people who give her money/presents. Thoughts please!

Well she has certainly been old enough for a few years now to send even a text of thank you for the gifts, even an acknowledgement of your gifts. So just on that, no, I wouldn’t be doing this after 18. We make sure our DDs contact people who send them gifts (vouchers most usually). We send them the mobile phone numbers and ask they ring or text, which they do.

I don’t think YABU.

YANBU. I’ve been thinking this about our nephews too. The eldest we stopped after 21, but did get something for his 30th. Next 2 are now 21 and 18, and have more disposable income than us, it seems a bit crazy to me to be honest!

This is tradition in our family. Presents stop at 18, and we are all thank you letter writers!

We stopped at 18 for eldest nephew but still bought him a Christmas present until youngest is 18 (this year) as it seemed mean to buy one and not the other. Will stop friends kids and godson at 18 too

Yes, stop at 18.
Start again at about 70!

Stopping at 18 is fine and not acknowledging a gift is extremely rude.

Yes, we stop at 18 in our family. Seems reasonable.

I made it clear with godchildren that I considered 21 the cut-off point; it's the old age of majority, and 18-year-olds can still be a bit skint if studying, so one final splurge, then a "little something" or just a card unless significant event or birthday, just like adult friends. I have been known to let a lack of thanks lead to a fading out; verbal or text is fine.

@Sparklingbrook

This is tradition in our family. Presents stop at 18, and we are all thank you letter writers!

Same here.

I have 11 nephews and nieces and we all agreed to stop at 18. I tend not to send cards to the older ones either, simply because, like most people of their generation it seems, they don't bother much with cards. I usually wish them a happy birthday on Facebook and leave it at that.

Reasonable if consistent to all nieces and nephews.

Yanbu . I wish my friend would stop sending to my young children . I feel obligated to send to her children all in their 20’s!

My choice is to give a small gift while niece / nephew are at university (because money makes a lot of difference to student life) for their birthday and xmas. However once they graduate, I will stop.

Well of course YANBU. It's up to you / your DH what you both do but if shes 18 and can't even be bothered to say thank you then I would stop.

I don't subscribe to the view that birthday presents are only for children but like I said, she's an adult and if she's not really make any effort with you or even saying thanks then I wouldn't bother any more.

As long as all the children are treated the same it sounds fine

I’d say 21 as a little gift (or money) can be nice if they’ve gone to university. Then just cards with the exception of the noughtie birthdays, perhaps?

As long as all the children are treated the same it sounds fine

I agree but after 18 they are no longer children and I actually think it is perfectly acceptable to give cards / gifts based on your relationship with the person, how often you see them, whether they make an effort for you...

Yanbu. That's what we do in our family.

All our nieces and nephews are on DH side of family. I have been organising cards, money gifts for last 20 years. Only 1 is still u18 (he is 2). This year I plan to just send a card to older ones, if DH wants to do cash, vouchers then he can, but I won't make it happen. Older ones didn't do thank you text for birthday or Xmas, and that was the tipping point.

Our family stops at 16.

My family stops at 18. However, if invited to a celebration at 21 etc I would take a gift. We don’t buy gifts for the huge amount of nieces & nephews on DH side but again if invited to a birthday celebration I would turn up with a gift 🎁

We stopped when our nephews and nieces left uni - their gjfts as students had been supermarket vouchers to spend on booze food.

They both went on to get decent jobs so we just do cards.

18 was the final Christmas/birthday present for our nieces. We do still send them a birthday card and a handwritten note.

think I'd have stopped already if she can't be bothered to say thank you

YANBU but I think someone of that age doesn't learn things in a vacuum, if she's not sending a thank-you, it's because her parents haven't taught her to, or she's saying thank you to them who aren't passing it on.

Just don't do what someone in my family did and abruptly stop sending everyone of every age a present at the same time because her DD had turned 21. Some of the littler cousins weren't even 10. It was so weird. And decided after her DD got all her gifts (never a thank-you from her either).

Our family do 18th and then nothing until 21st and then thats it, cards at xmas and birthday and I might send an odd £20 at any time if I know that they are struggling a bit at uni or first home etc.