RSVP for Save the Date?

ButteryCrackers · 2021-03-07T08:00:40+00:00

OK, so I have a Save the Date email that I need to RSVP to. Old friend who I've not spoken to in years lives down south now. I will have a 7 month old at the time, but looks like only me and DH are invited. AIBU to ask of location and if LO is invited before I accept or decline? If wedding is back up north with her family then we could make it as no travel or accommodation costs and we would be close for LO.

Newkitchen123 · 07/03/2021 08:03

I really don't get the point of save the dates! Just send an invitation with names on and it saves all this. Daytime? Nighttime? Kids? No kids? Plus one? No plus one? They're an absolute waste of money when you're going to send an invitation anyway.

Kimye4eva · 07/03/2021 08:05

They ABU to request an RSVP for a save the date. It’s a save the date, not an invite.

Definitely fine to ask about location and whether children are invited if they are insisting on a response now. Of course you need to know those things.

Original poster

ButteryCrackers · 07/03/2021 08:06

Also to note that I am EBF, so would only be 1 month into weaning by then

OP posts:

toodleloooo · 07/03/2021 08:09

Yes I think makes sense on both sides that you ask for more info. Otherwise you're saying yes when it might be a no (or declining unnecessarily) and it doesn't help either of you to make proper plans. Congrats on your pregnancy/baby 😊

CaroleFuckingBaskin · 07/03/2021 08:10

Just reply by email thank you and date in diary. When you get the full invitation with the detail, you can accept or decline depending on your circumstances at the time.

toomanycremeeggs · 07/03/2021 08:11

Ask!! Why wouldn't you !?!
Save the dates are for this exact situation. Weed out those who can't come for whatever reason so they can invite others people at invitation stage. Then they don't have to worry about b list guest!

Howdoin · 07/03/2021 08:15

@Kimye4eva

They ABU to request an RSVP for a save the date. It’s a save the date, not an invite.

Definitely fine to ask about location and whether children are invited if they are insisting on a response now. Of course you need to know those things.

^yep. Never heard of needing to rsvp to a save the date. I don’t even get ‘why save the date’ is a thing but that’s another issue.

Original poster

ButteryCrackers · 07/03/2021 08:15

Thank you. I thought it was a bit weird for a Save the Date to RSVP! I didn't want to be rude by asking.
It's an email link to a wedding site with only an option for yes or no and no comments section.
I will message her and ask for location, time and children

OP posts:

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 07/03/2021 08:43

Don’t get the point of save the dates either. Usually issued over a year in advance and no one knows if they will have other plans etc that far forward plus there usually no mention which part they are inviting you too or where etc.

MuddleMoo · 07/03/2021 08:45

Save the dates are handy but I wouldn't ever ask someone to RSVP to one. Seems like an invitation!

Aprilx · 07/03/2021 08:46

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

Don’t get the point of save the dates either. Usually issued over a year in advance and no one knows if they will have other plans etc that far forward plus there usually no mention which part they are inviting you too or where etc.

Well I think the idea is to save the date ... so you don’t make other plans.

OP, never heard of needing to RSVP to a save the date, it is supposed to be just a heads up. I wouldn’t ask any questions about who is invited at this point, as it is not an invitation, I would at most reply and say thank you, date is noted.

Sarcobaleno · 07/03/2021 08:58

I'd ignore the clicky response and reply by text that it's pencilled in the diary.

peak2021 · 07/03/2021 09:12

Why not speak to them? I'm sure they won't mind.

eatsleepread · 07/03/2021 09:16

I don't think you want to go.
I wouldn't be asking if children are invited, if your child isn't already on the invitation. Would it be impossible for you to have the night off, and ask a family member to look after your child?

TimeForTeaAndG · 07/03/2021 09:17

Invitations go out once all the fine details are organised eg the food options, the local accommodation, taxi numbers etc and are sent closer to the date when people may then not have enough time to book leave if they are on set shifts etc. Much more useful to have the date well in advance.

But a save the date gives you the option of checking big details like you need to.

modgepodge · 07/03/2021 09:18

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

Don’t get the point of save the dates either. Usually issued over a year in advance and no one knows if they will have other plans etc that far forward plus there usually no mention which part they are inviting you too or where etc.

We did save the dates as we booked our wedding 18m in advance on a Saturday in the summer holidays. It’s a fair assumption that a number of friends/family would be away then (have kids or are teachers). We wanted to let them know ASAP that was when it was and that they’d be invited, but we didn’t have the details sorted til much closer. We only sent them to day guests.

I once received a save the date, and a hen do invite, but no wedding invite....actually the hen do thing has happened to me twice! Weird IMO.

PinkDaffodil2 · 07/03/2021 09:22

@eatsleepread well there wasn’t an invite hence the uncertainty about who is invited, and presumably asking a family member to watch an EBF 7 month old is very different for an evening nearby compared to an all day even the other end of the country.

SnuggyBuggy · 07/03/2021 09:25

You don't need to RSVP to a save the date surely? It's just for people who might have trouble getting leave or who don't want to book holidays at the same time. How can you be expected to commit without knowing the details?

Scarby9 · 07/03/2021 09:29

I got caught by this from one of my godchildren.

I received a Save the Date card, put it on my mantelpiece and penciled the date in my diary. It was for 13 months ahead.

Two months later I saw my godson's mum who asked if I could let them know asap if I would be coming as they needed to finalise arrangements. I apologised and said I hadn't realised I was meant to RSVP ( I checked- there was nothing on the card) and what was I invited to? Ceremony, reception, evening do?

'They won't decide that until they know who can definitely come,' came the reply.

This was for a wedding 400 miles from where I live and would have necessitated a two night stay.

As it happened, this wedding has sadly fallen victim to Covid restrictions three times now, their chosen venue has closed for good and I hear they are now thinking of trying again this summer with a pared back do and a much shorter lead in on invitations.

JustLyra · 07/03/2021 09:30

Asking for an RSVP to save the day is ridiculous.

I’ve let them know we 100% couldn’t come a couple of times upon receiving a save the date because we’re a big family so folks can invite other people, but no-one has ever asked for an RSVP. That’s just odd.

melj1213 · 07/03/2021 09:32

@toomanycremeeggs

Ask!! Why wouldn't you !?! Save the dates are for this exact situation. Weed out those who can't come for whatever reason so they can invite others people at invitation stage. Then they don't have to worry about b list guest!

Save the dates are for the opposite reason - they are meant to be sent months to a year prior to the wedding and aren't meant for feedback, they're meant to be sent to the most important people that you 100% want at your wedding and want to give the most notice possible for attending, even if nothing else is planned/booked. They are basically saying "We are getting married on X date, we want you there so much we are telling you this 12 months in advance so you dont book anything else on that date that might mean you cant attend. We'll let you know the specifics later"

The formal invitation is where you get feedback from guests. Those who had a Save the Date, in theory, are the ones who should be most likely to attend and therefore the rest of your choices to invite are worked around that.

Personally, as it is so far ahead of time and they are requesting some sort of response, I would just respond "Yes" for now (as you do want to attend and would do under the right circumstances) and then clarify the specifics once you receive the actual formal invitation

ChocOrange1 · 07/03/2021 09:33

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

Don’t get the point of save the dates either. Usually issued over a year in advance and no one knows if they will have other plans etc that far forward plus there usually no mention which part they are inviting you too or where etc.

Well the whole point is that you send them out far in advance precisely so that people don't get have other plans, so if they get invited to something else that day they know they can't make it as they will be at the wedding/ they don't book a holiday that week etc.

It is weird to RSVP for a save the date though. In my experience its just an FYI, this is the date and we will let you know more details with an RSVP nearer the time.

StCharlotte · 07/03/2021 09:36

Brings back fond memories of Gluezilla...

GreenSlide · 07/03/2021 09:36

@IceCreamAndCandyfloss

Don’t get the point of save the dates either. Usually issued over a year in advance and no one knows if they will have other plans etc that far forward plus there usually no mention which part they are inviting you too or where etc.

Think of it as a 'don't even think about booking a holiday that week because I'm going to be a total bridezilla if you don't come to my evening ceremony' card

namechangefail2020 · 07/03/2021 09:37

I can't understand how people don't get why save the dates are useful. To make sure people put in the diary early on before any thing else gets booked. More info sent further down the line with the invite. Not rocket science. RSVP is a bit odd for it tho