RSVP for Save the Date?

[ButteryCrackers]

OK, so I have a Save the Date email that I need to RSVP to. Old friend who I've not spoken to in years lives down south now.
I will have a 7 month old at the time, but looks like only me and DH are invited.
AIBU to ask of location and if LO is invited before I accept or decline?
If wedding is back up north with her family then we could make it as no travel or accommodation costs and we would be close for LO.

Yes do ask. But I agree it's not usual to RSVP to a save the date. They may be using the responses to assist with planning and budgeting however.

I read a thread on here once where a "guest" had received a save the date but then not an actual invitation as the bride decided the numbers needed to be trimmed. Now that is REALLY rude.

Save the date and then only an evening invitation is also really rude. I think these things have their uses but the way some people use them is odd.

Save the dates are fine IMO but it's odd to expect an RSVP.

Surprising to rsvp to save the date but yes of course email saying lovely news and you’d love to come but before you can confirm you need to check some details so you can work out logistics with your baby

I can't understand how people don't get why save the dates are useful. To make sure people put in the diary early on before any thing else gets booked.

Because surely you tell all the important people what date you have booked anyway?

They do serve as a useful heads up for weddings I can’t be arsed to go to though. Means I know when to book a clashing holiday for.

@namechangefail2020

I can't understand how people don't get why save the dates are useful. To make sure people put in the diary early on before any thing else gets booked. More info sent further down the line with the invite. Not rocket science. RSVP is a bit odd for it tho

I get why they're useful. I don't get why they have to cost as much as an invitation. Either just text people the date or ring them (remember phoning people) or send invitations early. They're just another money spinner and they're unnecessary

You don't need to RSVP to STDs

I see them as an unnecessary expense (upselling?) because you should only send them to that subset of guests whose presence you would really miss. And those are people who you'd be in touch with anyhow, so I'd save the stationery cost and just tell them

If the invite doesn’t include your child then they aren’t invited.

If you want to go, make it happen.
If you can’t be arsed to arrange a sitter or travel and all the aggravation of the invite. Then don’t go.
I don’t think you can except concessions for a young child. If she doesn’t know you have a child then I wouldn’t even bother, the friendship has faded. She is trying to ensure bums on seats.

@Kimye4eva

I can't understand how people don't get why save the dates are useful. To make sure people put in the diary early on before any thing else gets booked.

Because surely you tell all the important people what date you have booked anyway?

They do serve as a useful heads up for weddings I can’t be arsed to go to though. Means I know when to book a clashing holiday for.

LOL. Full marks.

They do serve as a useful heads up for weddings I can’t be arsed to go to though. Means I know when to book a clashing holiday for.

Thanks all. Have messaged and LO is more than welcome
It's actually in Wales so easier to get to and alot cheaper than the southern wedding I was thinking.
Invite will now be sent out as I've been told all of us can attend and we are going to make a mini family holiday out of the weekend as it's Bank Holiday.
Wedding is in August this year, so presuming she was just getting numbers so not to waste invites

How dare you have a happy ending to your wedding thread! There’s no unreasonableness for us to get angry about.

Have a lovely time, bet you’re so relieved.

@TeaAndBrie

If the invite doesn’t include your child then they aren’t invited.

It's not an invitation That's the problem Chances are it may not even mention a partner etc

@ButteryCrackers

Thanks all. Have messaged and LO is more than welcome It's actually in Wales so easier to get to and alot cheaper than the southern wedding I was thinking. Invite will now be sent out as I've been told all of us can attend and we are going to make a mini family holiday out of the weekend as it's Bank Holiday. Wedding is in August this year, so presuming she was just getting numbers so not to waste invites

Hope it all goes smoothly. Have a fabulous time

Save the Date sounds so peremptory. My immediate reaction is 'Why the hell should I?' I demand the right to have a prior engagement!

I'd say just email the friend and ask the questions you need to!

We sent out a save the date via email around 8 months before the wedding, gave all the details re venue & approx timings

Then we sent the actual invites around 3 months before

The STD email was good as some guests knew straight away they were double booked or whatever so it wasn't a wasted invite 3 months before the wedding

@ButteryCrackers

Thanks all. Have messaged and LO is more than welcome It's actually in Wales so easier to get to and alot cheaper than the southern wedding I was thinking. Invite will now be sent out as I've been told all of us can attend and we are going to make a mini family holiday out of the weekend as it's Bank Holiday. Wedding is in August this year, so presuming she was just getting numbers so not to waste invites

I was going to say "she's meant to be a friend, just ask her", very pleased you've been sensible and will be having a nice holiday with it.

Now re-read the OP and see the bit about RSVP to STD

We only asked for a RSVP from the actual wedding invitation

But most people replied to the STD by saying yes great we'll be there or a tiny handful who wouldn't be able to make

Definitely ask about the baby, if it's a friend you've not spoken with in years, there might be a chance they don't know you have a baby now?

YANBU to ask the location.

She is being U for doing an RSVP for a Save the Date. The RSVP goes on the actual invitation!

Oh right, now realise our STD was a super duper budget saving one! (via email)

Have noticed in recent years they are getting more elaborate

Just seen OP update- that's great, at least you get to turn it into a mini holiday and sounds like not as far to travel as it's not down south like you first thought

@QueenArseClangers

How dare you have a happy ending to your wedding thread! There’s no unreasonableness for us to get angry about.

Have a lovely time, bet you’re so relieved.

This ^