To ask what you define as successful?

[Rosehip345]

What is it that makes you think someone else is successful or in what way would you see yourself as successful.

I’ve had a pretty difficult day today. I’m very aware that I’m viewed as not successful enough to have an opinion on anything. I just want to know why and what I need to change to at least be spoken to as an equal, or even better as someone to value the opinion of.

@Longdistance

Happiness is success!

I was just going to write this exact same thing

I do tend to align the word success with career achievements, but that's not the same as happiness.

Successful for me is: being happy, secure in yourself, good relationship, able to afford the roof over your head and food on the table

My “D”FIL looks down on me and DH for renting our home. We’ve been here 10 years, we love where we live, have a great landlord etc. He considers his other DC more successful because they lease brand new cars and own a home. FIL always always brings up buying a house and slags off our home, it’s water off a ducks back. I’d rather be like me than be anything like FIL 😂. He’s started to STFU now my automatic response is “if our home bothers you so much, feel free to buy us one to your liking”

Able to support yourself and your family. Eg

• able to make ends meet financially
• look after your and childrens health (eat well, exercise, get enough sleep & time to relax)
• are kind, helpful member of community etc (not shitting on a load of other people to get by)
• being happy/content (not constantly grass is greener/lusting after bosses job or what have you).

Success depends on what you value most and what makes you contented.

I’ve known people with successful jobs earning lots of money whose friendships and relationships have been terrible.

They saw themselves as successful in life.

I know a couple who don’t earn very much but are good at their vocational jobs, enjoy them a great deal and are highly regarded in them, but can’t afford to buy house. Their kids seem happy enough. Some would say they are successful in life. Others wouldn’t.

I also know a couple who have very little but are wonderful parents and love their children and each other very much.

Obviously if you can get success in jobs, relationships, family and wealth all together, then great, but I suspect most people who regard themselves as successful do not have everything perfect.

@MammaMiaWallace No context really just the fact that I’m disregarded within any conversation. A bit like asking the dog if you look nice, it’d be rhetorical whereas if you asked a person in the same room you’d actually consider their reply

I honestly think the people who I deem most successful in life are the people who are happy.

Loving and being loved in return. Nothing else matters. Really it doesn’t. If you’ve got people who love you unconditionally & you love them unconditionally you’re successful.

For me successful is getting what you want out of life so that’s different for everybody; for some it might be travelling round the world and experiencing lots of different things, while for me it’s a bit more conventional in terms of having a job I enjoy, children who are happy, a good relationship and a house that is comfortable. I don’t judge whether other people are successful by my own parameters though

@RuthW

I'm successful in my eyes. I have a job I love and enough money to live on. I'm healthy and happy with all aspects of my life.

Yes I agree success is self defined.

OTOH, You’re not really saying that you have to be healthy to be successful? Or are you?

Happiness

Being happy. I do not look at success as what job you have or how much money.

Being happy.

Are you speaking about specific people in your life? Surely not everyone treats you in this way? These people do not sound nice ir good for you to be around.

I really don't think their is a single definition, it will vary largely from person to person. I would say being happy with what you have and living what you see as a good life.

Success is being happy, kind, considerate and kind to others and content with your life.

Achieving your every changing personal goals, whatever they maybe.
For me, that is success.

Re. Career Success vs Personal Success. I know a few people who don't have "successful" careers because they have loads of family money. They simply don't need to work much. I don't think anyone would view them as unsuccessful people, they can do what they want really!

Ultimately someone with good judgement, as good judgement leads to good outcomes in all areas (with a massive dollop of right place, right time thrown in)

[quote Rosehip345]@LucieStar
Yes you’re right it should be basic respect but even then it’s still noticeable.

Like many have said I am (usually) very happy with my lot, and I feel very content, however I am often looked down on and whereas it is usually like water off a ducks back, it has grated today.[/quote]
You need to surround yourself with nicer people.
They are obviously very sad if they feel they need to disrespect you to make themselves feel better or validate themselves.

@Bourbonbiccy and therein comes the saying ‘You can choose your friends but not your family’ 🙁 I have friends within my friendship group who also act the same, but i can shrug that off as their opinion obviously matters less to me.

Yes but you can stay far or limit contact with family. Just because they are family doesn't mean they are good for you.

MammaMiaWallace I think we live in an age where people have become more judgemental etc but ultimately the only person whose opinion on you should count is your own. You need to learn to be you to the max!! I think once we do find ourselves then we find people are more drawn to us. It is trying to fit in that is the problem (not saying you so this! Just what I have noticed).

I won the sperm race and get to exist then I was cared for and nurtured to adulthood,

Great Family and friends a nice little home of my own.

Success can be defined in any number of ways OP - for example to someone who has had a stroke maybe learning to walk and talk again is success. To someone fleeing violence reaching a safe country is success, and on and on.

I don't really think of people in terms of "successful". Most of the people I know have/have had good careers (I haven't, exactly, but have had interesting jobs that I've enjoyed). I think anyone who is solvent, has good relationships with friends and family, is successful enough.

To me happiness is different to success. So while I see good relationships, contentment etc as being key to happiness, when I think of "success" for me that means excelling in your field or at a particular talent. Authors, musicians, elite athletes, successful business owners, people who have skills, ambition and mostly the determination to achieve - they're successful in my eyes.

Someone who is living a life in accordance with their own values, purpose, vision of how life should be. For some that could be through their paid work, a happy marriage, children, religion, charity work and philanthropy, academia. I think if your life doesn't match up in that respect, with what you think you are called to do, you will be unhappy and not living a successful life.