Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Anger problem or hubby was wrong

33 replies

Mrsangrypants · 05/03/2021 21:29

This morning DD(4) told me that she accidentally ripped DH pocket on pjs and he called her stupid. I text him about it and he called me to say she did rip it but he didn’t call her stupid. DD misinterprets stuff all the time, I guess it’s an age thing so I wanted to get the story so I could reassure her that it didn’t happen. Fast forward to just now DD in bed and DH telling me the story of what happened. DD had kicked off about something during breakfast and ripped the pocket while DH was trying to calm her down and he said “well that was stupid”. I’m so angry I just had a massive go at him. I said to him, her being 4 she probably just heard the word stupid and had he told me this when I asked instead off “I didn’t happen” I could have explained the difference to her instead of saying daddy didn’t say that. I’m really upset that she might now be thinking mummy and daddy told me this didn’t happen when it did kinda iyswim. Now the AIBU, I’m still really angry about it and I’m wondering now if it’s normal for me to be so angry (like do I have an anger problem) or was my take on this correct?

OP posts:
ThornAmongstRoses · 05/03/2021 21:31

In the nicest way possible, you need to chill out.

UrsulaBee · 05/03/2021 21:33

You’re over thinking it. I’ve been a mum for 20 years. Believe you’ll say much worse

StillCoughingandLaughing · 05/03/2021 21:33

Grips needed all round...

arethereanyleftatall · 05/03/2021 21:33

I'm glad you wrote your last sentence; because you've recognised it correctly. Your reaction is over the top. Yes, your dh should have communicated exactly what he said better; but it's really not the end of the world.

Loudhouse · 05/03/2021 21:34

@UrsulaBee

You’re over thinking it. I’ve been a mum for 20 years. Believe you’ll say much worse
Smile Agreed!
AIMD · 05/03/2021 21:35

@ThornAmongstRoses

In the nicest way possible, you need to chill out.
I agree. Yes ideally you wouldn’t have said it didn’t happen when clearly the word “stupid” was used. However you live and learn. Tomorrow you can talk to her again, explain you realise that daddy did say stupid, explain what he meant and that it wasn’t a good word for him to use.

The fact you are beating yourself up over this suggests you are generally a responsive parent who listens to their child. You can’t guilt yourself when you fall a little short of how you’d like to parent. It happens to everyone.

Sosigsandwich · 05/03/2021 21:35

Massive over reaction

ArnoldBee · 05/03/2021 21:36

It's going to be a long time until she's 18 and will feel even longer for you. He didn't call her stupid and in my view correctly labelled her behaviour as stupid.

AnneLovesGilbert · 05/03/2021 21:36

Blimey. You have no right at all to have a massive go at him. Calm the fuck down and apologise for going so overboard.

NeverMetANiceOne · 05/03/2021 21:37

Are you like this about everything? Parenting is going to be a fucking long hard slog if you get so caught up in the minor infractions.

millenialblush · 05/03/2021 21:38

4 year olds tend to be quite stupid.

Cocomarine · 05/03/2021 21:38

Just explain it to her tomorrow. “I spoke to daddy yesterday and asked him why you thought he called you stupid. He said that you’re definitely not stupid, but he remembers telling you it was stupid thing to do. Still, sometimes silly things happen and we learn not to do them again don’t we? Right - shall we draw a picture?”

Carolina24 · 05/03/2021 21:39

Yes, I think your anger is an overreaction. It’s a very minor thing for you to actively be angry about.

LemonRoses · 05/03/2021 21:44

You are being ridiculous.
The problem is not the word stupid but a mother who appeases a child who’s throwing tantrum when they are too old to do so. Perhaps support her father rather than undermine him.

KarmaStar · 05/03/2021 21:44

Mountain out of a molehill.massive overreaction and you need to apologise to your dh and calm down some op.he is not a child,don't act like his parent.

Original poster
Mrsangrypants · 05/03/2021 21:44

Oh jeez, thanks for the responses, I guess I better apologise then! Hopefully I can blame this one on the preggo hormones 😅

OP posts:
HOkieCOkie · 05/03/2021 21:45

I’m a nanny and I’m always saying that was stupid. Chill out.

Gazelda · 05/03/2021 21:45

You've over reacted. There is no need the be so angry.

But that absolutely doesn't mean you have an anger problem unless this is a regular reaction.

Count it as a one off. Have a short, lighthearted chat with DD and DH tomorrow then forget all about it.

HOkieCOkie · 05/03/2021 21:45

Just saw your update! Good job for taking it on the chin

sst1234 · 05/03/2021 21:47

Is this a joke? OP how do you get through the day? And your poor husband.

Pulledamonica · 05/03/2021 21:47

@millenialblush

4 year olds tend to be quite stupid.
😂
Hankunamatata · 05/03/2021 21:48

Well the thing she did was stupid. He didnt do anything wrong

Tinkywinkydinkydoo · 05/03/2021 21:49

I think you owe your husband a massive apology, you asked him if he called her stupid and he said he didn’t, and he didn’t!

HercwasanEnemyofEducation · 05/03/2021 21:52

Calm down.

Veterinari · 05/03/2021 21:53

@Cocomarine

Just explain it to her tomorrow. “I spoke to daddy yesterday and asked him why you thought he called you stupid. He said that you’re definitely not stupid, but he remembers telling you it was stupid thing to do. Still, sometimes silly things happen and we learn not to do them again don’t we? Right - shall we draw a picture?”
Or don't. Cos she'll have forgotten about it. So why make a drama of it?
Swipe left for the next trending thread