Removing shoes indoors

[diagold4u]

Am interested to know how many people actually have the rule of no shoes indoors.
We've had this rule from when I was young and have carried it on when I moved out. I think it makes sense not to walk all over the house with shoes that have been worn outdoors, who knows what you've stood on and then bringing all that in to your home.
I have shoe covers that I provide to workers.
Especially with young children I think it's even more important not to wear outdoor shoes indoor, carpets/rug will harbour all that dirt no matter how much you Hoover up.

My actual aibu is, if someone came to my house as a guest would it be U for me to ask them to remove their shoes? Obviously in a polite manner.
I feel quite embarrassed having to ask when these people already know.
My current house is all flooring with large rugs everywhere, the main living room is carpet.
I've noticed certain extended family members get annoyed at my request but the way I see it, it's my house, if I don't walk with shoes, why should you when you've chosen to come to my house.

I'm from the UK, am Middle Aged and was brought up in a British shoes off house. This idea that it's foreign is just rubbish and actually all the shoe on houses I remember as kids (and even now) I thought of as being really dirty.

I don't ask people when they come round, it should be obvious. I don't insist but it does make me judge them harshly when they keep their shoes on.

Halfway house here. Upstairs (carpeted) is shoes off. Downstairs is all tiled and very cold to walk on so shoes are actively encouraged!

@Alonelonelyloner

I'm from the UK, am Middle Aged and was brought up in a British shoes off house. This idea that it's foreign is just rubbish and actually all the shoe on houses I remember as kids (and even now) I thought of as being really dirty.

I don't ask people when they come round, it should be obvious. I don't insist but it does make me judge them harshly when they keep their shoes on.

But how are they supposed to know if you don't tell them? This is what I don't understand. I'm happy to do it if someone wants me to, but how would I know what is expected of me if no one tells me?

It just seems odd to me to prioritise carpets over guests

And to the other side, it's odd to prioritise your preferences over respect for your host's home.

They're not prioritising the carpet over you, anyway; that makes it sound as though you and the carpet both want the last slice of cake. Guests also have obligations. You have been invited into their private home, and while you are receiving their hospitality, you respect their environment. If you dislike the rules of their home that much, you have no business accepting the invitation to go there.

Would you think it "odd" or "prioritising the carpet over guests" if a Muslim family asked you to remove your shoes for faith/cultural reasons?

But how are they supposed to know if you don't tell them? This is what I don't understand. I'm happy to do it if someone wants me to, but how would I know what is expected of me if no one tells me?

Honestly, you can usually work it out. If you get there and you see a large rack of shoes by the door, and your host is shoeless or removes their shoes as they go in, it shouldn't be too much of a puzzle.

If you're at all unsure, you can just ask. Sometimes when I've gone somewhere and they're wearing soft shoes that aren't quite slippers, I've just asked if they would like me to remove my shoes. Might add that I have a shoeless house to make sure they don't feel obliged to say I can keep them on if they don't want me to. If asking has ever caused great offence, I don't know about it. They've invited me back.

Honestly, you can usually work it out. If you get there and you see a large rack of shoes by the door, and your host is shoeless or removes their shoes as they go in, it shouldn't be too much of a puzzle.

I could certainly work it out if there were a group of other guests and they don't have their shoes on. But there's no way I'd copy someone's behaviour in their own home and assume that they want me to do the same. It just seems so rude to assume.

I've never been in a house with a rack of shoes by the door though, so hopefully I haven't offended anyone.

I wasn't even allowed to wander around my own house without shoes growing up, never mind take them off at someone else's.

there's no way I'd copy someone's behaviour in their own home and assume that they want me to do the same. It just seems so rude to assume.

I have no idea why that would be rude, but if you don't want to assume, why not just ask?

Surely it's rude NOT to mirror your host in their own home? They're literally demonstrating in front of you how they do things.

@MrBullinaChinaShop

I am disgusted at the thought of wearing slippers worn by someone else. People could have all sorts of foot afflictions (verrucas, athletes foot for example). Some peoples feet are just sweaty and rank. So I don’t want to wear slippers worn by someone else. It’s a perfectly valid opinion. I take my shoes off in other peoples houses. I take my shoes off in my own house. I just don’t like the idea of wearing slippers worn by someone else. But I didn’t realise everyone in life had to have the same opinions as everyone else, my bad.

When people visit my house they are given a pair of nice spa / salon disposable slippers. This means they can either keep them and take them home or I will bin them.

Guest slippers never get used more than once.

Family have a pair of their own slippers that they leave at mine for when they visit.

I must stress though due liking my own company, I don’t actively encourage people to come and see me, so I don’t have a lot of people in my house, so don’t go through lots of pairs of guest slippers.

I have no idea why that would be rude, but if you don't want to assume, why not just ask?

Fair enough, I will if I ever find myself in that situation. Although I don't understand why the host can't just explain to make it clear.

Surely it's rude NOT to mirror your host in their own home? They're literally demonstrating in front of you how they do things.

That's the polar opposite of how I was brought up, which was that you only do something in someone else's house if they specifically ask you to do so. You don't ever go in and make yourself at home by copying them.

That's the polar opposite of how I was brought up, which was that you only do something in someone else's house if they specifically ask you to do so. You don't ever go in and make yourself at home by copying them.

You MUST have some basic manners that allow you to survive as a guest without being told absolutely every single thing?

Or you would do some basic research to have an idea of what is acceptable abroad? As opposed to make them feel like a horrible host who need to spell everything, or to make you appear as someone full of themselves, too grand to be casual.

I have 3 dogs and 2 children. You wearing your shoes in my house would not bother me in the slightest. You're not going to add to the germs from the dogs and kids.

Shoes off all the way. I’ve seen too many people inadvertently walk in runny dog shit to ever allow shoes, even on wooden floors.

Or you would do some basic research to have an idea of what is acceptable abroad? As opposed to make them feel like a horrible host who need to spell everything, or to make you appear as someone full of themselves, too grand to be casual.

Full of myself for trying to be polite?

I haven't at any stage said I'd refuse to do what is expected, all I have said is that I can't read minds. Even reading thks thread must show that some people think it's horribly rude to take your shoes off whilst others think it's horribly rude to not take your shoes off. And then on top of that some people think that it's rude not to be able to guess which type of house you are in.

The basic manners I was brought up with is that when you are a guest in someone's house, you wait until they ask you to sit down, you don't ask if it's ok. You wait until they offer you food or drink, you don't ask for something. And taking your shoes off would be the same; unless they suggest you take them off, you'd assume they want you to keep them on. Much like your coat in that respect. I'm not trying to be grand, I'm trying to be polite.

@wellthatsunusual

Or you would do some basic research to have an idea of what is acceptable abroad? As opposed to make them feel like a horrible host who need to spell everything, or to make you appear as someone full of themselves, too grand to be casual.

Full of myself for trying to be polite?

I haven't at any stage said I'd refuse to do what is expected, all I have said is that I can't read minds. Even reading thks thread must show that some people think it's horribly rude to take your shoes off whilst others think it's horribly rude to not take your shoes off. And then on top of that some people think that it's rude not to be able to guess which type of house you are in.

The basic manners I was brought up with is that when you are a guest in someone's house, you wait until they ask you to sit down, you don't ask if it's ok. You wait until they offer you food or drink, you don't ask for something. And taking your shoes off would be the same; unless they suggest you take them off, you'd assume they want you to keep them on. Much like your coat in that respect. I'm not trying to be grand, I'm trying to be polite.

If they take their shoes off, it's fine to assume they don't mind if you do, even if they don't actively want you to (they do). They are probably trying to be polite by demonstrating it so they don't have to ask you. But if in doubt, just ask.

I think you've had a few weird things taught to you, by the way. While a host certainly should offer you a drink, there's really nothing wrong with politely asking if you could have one.

The shoes off social cues really aren't this mysterious or complicated.

@wellthatsunusual why weren’t you allowed to walk around with shoes on? The only purpose of shoes is protection - from extreme temperatures and from dangerous surfaces eg sharp rocks. Wasn’t your house safe?

We are a shoes off household but I dont mind visitors wearing shoes in my home. They do often tend to take them off though even though I dont ask them to.

I think you've had a few weird things taught to you, by the way. While a host certainly should offer you a drink, there's really nothing wrong with politely asking if you could have one.

But that's what I was getting at, they're not weird to anyone in my circle of acquaintances. It's the norm to me and my friends.

If people don't know the rules they can't be expected to follow them. If the rules are made clear, most people will be happy to oblige.

[quote PattyPan]@wellthatsunusual why weren’t you allowed to walk around with shoes on? The only purpose of shoes is protection - from extreme temperatures and from dangerous surfaces eg sharp rocks. Wasn’t your house safe? [/quote]
Because I was taught that it was rude to walk round in socks or slippers, simple as that.

Mind you, it is mostly cold where I live so maybe that's why people tend to not take their shoes off.

the houses where people ask you to remove shoes are generally not very clean anyway.

Having read this thread, I'm starting to agree with this. It seems many people want to avoid shoes being worn to avoid keeping their homes clean. That's absolutely disgusting.

@user143677433

But the amount of health visitors/midwives etc who try to refuse and are arsey about it surprised me

There have been plenty of health visitors, nurses etc on this thread who have explained why - it’s a hazard to them.

Fair enough but shoes left on - no entry

If you ask your guests to take off their shoes, do you ask them to wash their hands when they come to your house?

I acknowledge that there could be dirt/germs on shoes but you're not going to lick your floors are you?
Your guest could have spent their car journey to your house picking their nose and then touch your door handles, your cups, etc.

Fair enough but shoes left on - no entry

I’m willing to get you wouldn’t refuse entry to a doctor who refused to take off their shoes.

Hm. I and my family always take our shoes off by the front door, we’re usually quite muddy so it would be very obvious if we didn’t! I’ve never asked a visitor to take their shoes off, but I can’t think of anyone who has come into the house in their shoes. Even the plumber and electrician brought plastic things to slip over their shoes. I think it’s pretty gross to walk street germs around indoors and most people seem to feel the same way.

That said, years ago I was wearing knee boots and underneath I had tights with holes on the shin plus hideous socks, and I ended up being invited to a last minute get together after work in London at someone’s flat, and I can still remember feeling 😱😱😱 when they asked me to take my boots off. I think it depends a bit where you live. If shoes are basically going home-car-office-car then they’re gonna be a lot cleaner than my mud-caked boots.

I've just remembered that my father was horrified by my sister's, then boyfriend ,removing his shoes and sitting in his socks. He considered it to be the height of bad manners and ' common'. As I said in an earlier post I only came across the shoes off request once, a long time ago and a rather odd couple. I'm more gransnet than mumsnet vintage but don't know anyone, young or old who expects shoes to be taken off. I think it seems odd, bad manners and inhospitable. I would certainly remove muddy wellies before going in but never shoes.