5 month old DD is a joy but currently naps only on me or in the pram, and night sleep is not great (hello never-ending sleep regression!). We're taking steps to try and improve matters but want to be gentle so it will take time. This plus COVID plus the fact that we're in a one-bed rental and trying to buy our first flat means that my maternity leave is a bit of a slog, with no time to recharge or get stuff done in the day. I'm living for the weekends, when it's still a slog but at least there are two of us to share the load.
I'm going back to work at 9 months and DP will be taking three months of SPL subsequent to that - something that was really important to both of us.
Earlier DP joked about 'imagine how amazing it will be if by the time I'm on parental leave we're in our own flat and she's finally napping in the cot.' Funnily enough I didn't guffaw with laughter, because this is probably exactly what will happen and it feels desperately unfair (obviously I still hope it happens - life's unfair, I know). I then said I hope he understood that if DD is napping X hours a day in the cot by then, a good chunk of that time should be spent doing housework/life admin etc, it's not just for watching Netflix and gaming.
He took great offence at this and said that while yes OF COURSE he would do some housework etc in that time, he thinks my stance is anti-feminist. That if you believe that looking after a baby is a full-time job then you should be in favour of whichever parent is doing it using nap time primarily for downtime, so that the other tasks (all housework, life admin etc) are split equally between both partners on evenings and weekends.
Apparently if I was getting three hours of baby free naptime atm, he would be all in favour of me spending it all watching Netflix and leaving the laundry and dishes to be done by one or the other of us after he finishes work. I reckon that's easy for him to say given that's not our reality right now (I should add that napping when the baby naps I see differently and am all in favour of - if there's an opportunity to catch up on needed sleep then go for it!)
So....
YABU - looking after a baby is hard. Chill out all you want whenever they're sleeping. The chores can wait til your partner gets home.
YANBU - if one partner is working 9-5 in an office it's reasonable to expect the other partner is working approximately those hours at home. By all means take some of that naptime every day to chill and recharge, but a good chunk of it should be used to get necessary housework and life admin done, giving both of you more time to enjoy evenings and weekends