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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think this was a bit unkind?

61 replies

LemonSherbetFancies · 03/03/2021 22:34

Friend has just moved into a gated road. I walked round there earlier to drop something off to her house. The gate was locked and I could not work out how to get in. I pressed the number of her apartment but nothing happened. So I called her and she came out to do it and seemed a bit annoyed.
As I went to go home, I couldn't get back out again and this time my friend rolled her eyes and said she didn't know why it was so hard for me to do. I said I was not used to gates like this and she didn't say anything, just said a curt farewell and went home.
She left me feeling really stupid. Can't help but think it was unkind.

OP posts:
saraclara · 04/03/2021 01:01

The sensible thing would have been for her to show you the first time. She's an idiot.

Letsallscreamatthesistene · 04/03/2021 01:39

I lived in a gated road once. Leaving the house because people couldnt figure out the gates was common.

Your 'friend' needs to get used to this, or shes going to be very annoyed a lot of the time.

grassisjeweled · 04/03/2021 02:06

What were you dropping off?

Changedname476 · 04/03/2021 07:10

Ummm... it does sound like you got a dose of friend getting tired with being called to open and then go down again later to shut the gate entry for visitors, having just moved in . It might be starting to stress her out.

Just to ask, was she expecting you? It was kind to drop a house warming gift off and she a bit impatient with you about the gate entry you couldn't work.

Do you think she possibly was busy/ tired and really didn't want unannounced visitors at that time? Maybe had already spent her days backwards and forwards to multiple visitors dropping by and deliveries? You might feel a bit better if those might have been the case, that it wasn't about her viewing you as stupid, but her feelings of frustration due to a possible series of events.

Soundbyte · 04/03/2021 07:14

Was she expecting you? If not you may have caught her whilst busy working or in the middle of something and was frustrated with the interruptions.

Yerroblemom1923 · 04/03/2021 07:20

I think her response says a lot more about your "friend" than you, OP. Dont take it personally. I have friends in a gated property and it's the bane of our lives. Sometimes I just jump over the wall! It's just another inconvenience that she's added to her life and she's clearly annoyed about it. Not you. She's annoyed with the inconvenience of the sodding gate.

Howshouldibehave · 04/03/2021 07:27

On the surface, she sounds rude, yes.

What were you dropping round and did she know you were coming? If you were dropping round something like a Body Shop at home catalogue that I didn’t ask for, didn’t want and wasn’t expecting and I’d just sat down to do work/watch telly/go to sleep and had to get up to let you in and out for that, then I might be mildly irritated as well.

mainsfed · 04/03/2021 07:30

Well I wouldn’t be doing her any favours. Friends don’t behave like this.

KatherineJaneway · 04/03/2021 07:33

Sounds like she was pissed off with an unwanted visit.

So how did the gate actually work? Surely you saw this when she let you back out?

Borntohula · 04/03/2021 08:02

Where does OP say her visit was unannounced?

Howshouldibehave · 04/03/2021 08:10

@Borntohula

Where does OP say her visit was unannounced?
It doesn’t. It doesn’t say it was a planned visit either, which is why some people have asked the OP to clarify.
mainsfed · 04/03/2021 09:28

@Howshouldibehave I think Borntohula was responding to a poster (Changednane476h) who assumed the visit was unannounced.

HeddaGarbled · 04/03/2021 09:33

@youvegottenminuteslynn

I would just like the opportunity to call this fallout #gategate

😃

Sparklfairy · 04/03/2021 09:40

When I was young, I had a job delivering flyers. I got to a gated complex and the gate was open. Walked in, delivered the flyers, and when I came back the gate had shut and I could not for love nor money even see a button to get out again Grin

I lurked there for ages, feeling like a trespasser and panicking that I was trapped. After what seemed like forever I saw someone come out of their flat and make their way towards the gate. I hid around the corner and watched them go up a separate path for pedestrians and reach to a rather hidden button that opened a smaller gate.

I made my escape but never went back to those flats Grin

GreenlandTheMovie · 04/03/2021 09:43

She's very rude. Do you think that because she's moved to a gated development, she now considers herself one of the "rich and famous" or at least a hanger-on, and too important to be bothered by the little people and their need to enter and exit?

I think I'd actually text her to tell her that her behaviour lacked basic manners and that I wasn't sure I could continue the friendship. Don't let people treat you like that!

MindyStClaire · 04/03/2021 10:17

I suspect she moving in loving the notion of a gated community and is unhappy that it's actually turning out to be a pain in the arse every time she has a visitor or delivery.

If you go again, text her beforehand for instructions on how to use it and hopefully it'll go more smoothly.

ThatsNotTheTeaHunty · 04/03/2021 10:20

I hate gated roads or flats. I'm always there faffing around on how to actually use it. Not like they come with a set of instructions is it!
I would just sling her stuff over the fence next time if she wants to act like a twat.

Peoniesandjasmine · 04/03/2021 10:34

Op please stop blaming yourself and feelings bad for her curtness. Like someone said before, just say the gates are too tricky and refuse to help. Your friend could be busy with moving in and might be at the end of her tether to react like that but if this is a regular occurance I would suggest having a chat about how it makes u feel.

Hidinginstaircupboard · 04/03/2021 10:42

[quote mainsfed]@Howshouldibehave I think Borntohula was responding to a poster (Changednane476h) who assumed the visit was unannounced.[/quote]
Changedname476 didn't assume the visit was unannounced s/he asked if it was

Just to ask, was she expecting you? It was kind to drop a house warming gift off .... Do you think she possibly was busy/ tired and really didn't want unannounced visitors at that time?...

Hidinginstaircupboard · 04/03/2021 10:50

I think other PPs are asking OP to clarify incase there may have been a different explanation OP might want to consider, that she hadn't realised, if OP hadn't asked her friend if it was a good time to pop over then. (OP may have done.. not sure she clarified)

I can see a situation where the friend moved into her new home and then was that particular couple of days constantly having to go out and let people in the gate and back out again when she just wanted to rest or was busy. So she may have just been getting frustrated at reality of the gate system to her new place, and it bubbled up and came across as being rude to OP.

Friends aren't usually rude to each other. But they also sometimes can get cranky and tired. OP said friend didn't answer her intercom ? So she rang her to ask to be let in. It is possible intercom hadn't worked or friend had purposely ignored it as she didn't want a visitor then, if she wasn't expecting anyone.

OP didn't mention her friend being rude during her visit other than about having to help with the gate entry

Original poster
LemonSherbetFancies · 04/03/2021 12:05

Yes, she wanted me to bring round some books she was needing in order to carry out some research for her work.
I was just left feeling stupid and she made me feel that way with the eyerolling and making me feel I could not manage something that was incredibly simple. I pressed the buzzer and maybe I tried opening the gate too early as it would not open. I had trouble at my sisters flat the other day as well so it must just be me who has trouble completing simple tasks. I know some of you say you have had trouble before with these kinds of gates which does make me feel a bit better.
It just isn't nice feeling like you are an idiot and that people need to help with simple tasks.

OP posts:
TitusPullo · 04/03/2021 12:15

It’s not you OP, I used to rent a flat like that and I used to have to write how to use the intercom system on delivery instructions it was so counter intuitive. Your friend sounds like an ass.

Loopyloututu2 · 04/03/2021 12:17

She’s probably realising that this is going to be a common thing for her and she’ll be up and down the stairs like Billy-O for the duration of living there (I bet she’s already had to do it umpteen times for people) and is pissed off at herself and deflecting onto you. She doesn’t sound very nice!

HeyDemonsItsYaGirl · 04/03/2021 12:24

About 50% of the time, people go to my back door instead of the front door, even though to me it's completely obvious where the front door is. Obviously it isn't because so many make the mistake, but I can't help feeling a little stab of annoyance every time I hear a knock at the back door. Maybe she has this problem a lot and gets irrationally irritated? I try to hide it but I'm sure I'm not always successful...

Hubstar · 04/03/2021 13:03

Ha. So we I’ve in a gated house

So to call it. You usually have to press the hash key. Don’t ask me why. Then the code. But to get out I’d you’re in a car it should just open. But if walking. Then it needs either the clicker or the phone.

Hth to people who don’t know!

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