Is so hard to address a woman as ‘Ms’?!

[skwish]

I’m married, but have kept my maiden name. Eldest DC has ex-P’s surname, younger ones have DH’s. Recently moved to country from big city (south of England do not exactly the Moon). DCs’ primary school staff INSIST on either calling me Mrs DH or Miss Skwish (having taken some time to stop addressing me as Mrs Ex-P). Despite many reminders, they just will not address me as Ms Skwish, which as a grown woman in her 40s, I expect to have used as default. Now seem to gravitate towards Miss Skwish which I find infantilising and offensive, as well as inaccurate.

Quietly fume every time this happens, and have now been tipped over the edge by DC1’s new secondary school, who have just addressed me as Mrs Ex-P in a reply to an email, from me , despite me signing as Firstname Skwish.

Is Ms just a city thing? Have I gone into some weird time warp? Surely Ms is normal and polite and default everywhere? AIBU?

[MadameButterface]

@MrMahoneysPants

I am so curious about the revolting comment myself. Revolting. As though you were addressing someone as Madame ShitFace.

Hmm. I quite like Madame actually. Id consider that an acceptable alternative to Ms if people can't get past their inability to pronounce Mizz.

absolutely howled at this, I feel a name change coming on maybe. loving your posts, and @JassyRadlett's

I'm a ms, it's fine, I hear it lots, all the cool kids are using it nowadays. it used to sound weird to me having grown up in a small town with zero mses ever. but now it's normal, it sounds normal.

[Joeblack066]

I use Ms as am not married. Whether or not I am currently married or have been is no ones business and my title doesn’t need to give that away!

[JassyRadlett]

Stop fuming and tell people what surname they shoukd use for you. But yabu if you expect them to use ‘Ms’ it’s a made up word that never really got traction and is just not something many people say, so would feel like a special word just for you

I mean this very gently, but... you know they’re all made up words, right? All contractions of the same word, when people identified a perceived need for women’s marital status to be publicly demonstrated? One of the three titles is just a lot more recent than the other two.

I’ll be honest, I wouldn’t have a clue what title 90% of my female colleagues use. I know about some of my kids’ teachers. I know what I tell the nice people at the bank and the utility company. But how often do you actually know someone’s title in modern life to be able to declare one you haven’t come across as non-existent in the women you know?

[MadameButterface]

yabu if you expect them to use ‘Ms’ it’s a made up word

would it blow your mind too much if I told you that all words are made up?

[JassyRadlett]

Ms is horrendous. I would immediately correct someone and ask them to call me by my first name. I am not a middle aged spinster.

Ooh I have two questions about this one.

First - why do you think Ms denotes ‘middle aged spinster’?

Second - why do you think ‘middle aged spinster’ is such an appalling thing to be?

[MadameButterface]

haha x posts jassy

[Rillington]

Mrs is the default if you are married. Ms is awful and I would be offended to be addressed as such.

[JassyRadlett]

haha x posts jassy



Word Got Invented To Fill Need Shock.

(I imagine these people really struggle with such new coinages as ‘laptop’, ‘email’ and ‘internet’. All the new words we’ve gained through Covid must have made the pandemic extra stressful.)

[JassyRadlett]

Mrs is the default if you are married. Ms is awful and I would be offended to be addressed as such.

I’m curious to know why? Absolutely fine you don’t like it, but finding it awful and offensive is very strong. Why is it offensive? I’m honestly curious to understand others’ points of view on this as they feel so alien to me.

[pennylane83]

I absolutley hate it when I get referred to as Ms - I'm not a spinster!

[Keepcountingyourfingers]

Ms sounds so pretentious.

[Brefugee]

It’s really quite simple; if you’re unmarried you’re a Miss, if you’re married you’re a Mrs, if you’re divorced you’re a Ms whether you like it or not.

Sexist twaddle. Tell you what, next time you have to address something to a man, call him and ask him if he's married. Ridiculous, right?

I'm Ms. And if i ask you to call me Ms and address my mail as Ms and you don't then you will be hearing about it. And i will find out what annoys you most and address you as that persistently.

When i explain the Miss/Mrs/Ms thing to Germans, i tell them to always use Ms and they are often surprised that it's not standard.

(Although I have asked at work to be called Supreme Majesty. They don't do it though)

[Mum2jenny]

I absolutely loathe Ms, I want addressing my my first name and surname. I refuse to respond to Ms.

[LarryWasAHappyChap]

I dislike Ms. because:

Although it's meant to be a "catch all" term that doesn't denote marital status, among my group of friends/associates it's come to be associated with older, unmarried women anyway- so what's the point!
I also just don't like the sound of it.

[ZaraCarmichaelshighheels]

I find it really odd how heated women get on here about the title Ms, I agree it should be the default for an adult woman, it’s ridiculous in the 21st century that a woman’s marital status is in her title. I also find it odd when women announce they are ‘proud’ to be a Mrs, it’s hardly an achievement.

[londonrach]

Sorry op I'm another one who hates being called ms. Sounds like a bumble bee. Tbh I don't know anyone who likes ms..maybe says more about my job working with patientsslightly more mature and my mum friends than your experience. I won't answer to ms and tbh id struggle to remember any time when I was called ms. Think default is miss for young ladies and Mrs for someone slightly older. Yabu

[Sunhoop]

I don't think Mrs. gives more status - I just think it makes you sound old (and a bit archaic at that). I'm never going to be ready to accept I'm old, or accept people judging me on my marital status so I'll be Ms until I depart this world!

I dislike being assumed to be Ms

All Ms assumes is that you're a woman. Although in these crazy days that's probably offensive to some

[LarryWasAHappyChap]

That said, we're missing the point of the thread a little- OP of course has every right to be addressed as she wishes, as do all of us.

[Ilovemaisie]

I don't think I have actually ever known someone who goes by Ms except maybe a couple of my teachers who wanted to be the 'young and cool' ones (that would have been circa 1987).
I know a lot of people who do get called by their children's surname if it is different to their own - me included. For the first 3 and a half years of her life my daughter had a different surname to me (then I got married and changed it). Of all the people I know that this has happened too (it's usually school gate teacher wanting a quick chat type stuff) no one has ever really cared.

[Sunhoop]

I also find it odd when women announce they are ‘proud’ to be a Mrs, it’s hardly an achievement.

Yes I physically wince when people act like it's a badge of honour!

[MrMahoneysPants]

Stop fuming and tell people what surname they shoukd use for you. But yabu if you expect them to use ‘Ms’ it’s a made up word that never really got traction and is just not something many people say, so would feel like a special word just for you.

@Skysblue Stop talking shit or at least have the courtesy to be embarrassed.

Ms or Ms. (normally /ˈmɪz/, but also /məz/, or /məs/ when unstressed)[1][2] is an English honorific used with the last name or full name of a woman, intended as a default form of address for women regardless of marital status.[3] Like Miss and Mrs., the term Ms. has its origins in the female English title once used for all women, Mistress. It originated in the 17th century and was revived into mainstream usage in the 20th century.[4] In the UK and the majority of Commonwealth countries, a full stop is usually not used with the title; in the United States and Canada a full stop is usually used (see Abbreviation).[1][5]

[Notabove25]

I wonder why, when creating a new title for themselves women couldn't come up with something better, something easier to say that was a real word?

I agree with PP, for all that it's supposed to be a neutral word with no real meaning, it does denote a certain sort of woman, so women really can't win.

We need a new title that applies to all adult women

[HeavyHeidi]

@pennylane83

I absolutley hate it when I get referred to as Ms - I'm not a spinster!

I know! how will people know you have fulfilled the ultimate goal for a woman and managed to catch yourself a man, if you don't start calling yourself OfJohn..sorry, I mean Mrs John Smith.

[elsiebetts]

Why is marital status part of any name? And also considered a title. I draw a line through it and write my name. No title.

[MrMahoneysPants]

Ms is horrendous. I would immediately correct someone and ask them to call me by my first name. I am not a middle aged spinster.

pennylane83 Tue 02-Mar-21 21:30:58 I absolutley hate it when I get referred to as Ms - I'm not a spinster!

Ms doesn't mean spinster. It's like me saying please don't call me Mrs because I am not a can of hair spray. Are we actually making up words now?