To ask, if you had older siblings you didn’t know about, would you want to know?

[HeartsAndClubs]

A family member has been looking into her family history on her dad’s side. He left when she was 8, and never came back apart from one time to see her mum.

He’s dead now, but it’s transpired that he remarried and had another child.

As far as we’re aware, this child (who is now an adult) doesn’t know that she has 6 other siblings. Family member isn’t interesting in contacting them, but one of her siblings has said that she thinks she ought to know, and she is going to get in touch with her, possibly even turn up on her doorstep.

I have suggested this might be a bad idea, especially doing it in such a crass manner, but she’s adamant that she has the right to know this sibling, and they ought to know that they had a family they didn’t know about. She’s a bit peculiar is this woman, and is one of those who has to believe that she’s always right about everything

I don’t think there’s anything we can do to stop her, so the question is, would you want to know?

IMO this could turn her whole world upside down. Not only would she find out that she wasn’t an only child, but she would then also find out that her father had a whole previous family she knew nothing about.

I dont have any experience of this but I think I would want to know, yes. But that doesn't necessarily mean I would want a relationship with the half family.

I don't think there's a right/wrong answer here.

I've known situations where it's worked out like a Disney fairytale with them all getting on and just considering themselves siblings from then on. I've know ones which have ended up with real hurt on all sides.

However I would say just turning up on the door has real potential for backfiring, and needs to be done far more sensitively,

I definitely wouldn’t want them showing up but I’d want to know.

I would be over the moon tbh!! Surely she kmew her df hadn't ran off to become a monk?

I would want to know but be contacted in a way that isn’t intrusive and would give me time to gather my thoughts.
My father was abandoned by his own, and he knows he has younger siblings, but has no desire to meet them in person and doubts they know about him.

I would want to know yes but I would want to find out via a letter or email not via a stranger on my doorstep!

Yes, I would want to know.

Would have zero interest and would make my feelings on the matter clear if anyone rocked up on my doorstep

I would be over the moon tbh!! Surely she kmew her df hadn't ran off to become a monk? she’s the younger sibling though, so this isn’t a case of hoping that there were younger siblings out there, for her it’s a case of finding out that her DF was married before and had 6 other kids he essentially abandoned.

The older ones are in their 60’s/70’s, and she’s my age (40’s.)

I got contacted by a sibling I didn't know about via facebook. It caused a lot of stress at the time with my mum and dad. It didn't seem to be to any purpose and I haven't heard from them since which I'm pleased about.
They are not part of my life. I have my own sibling and family and close friends which are the main priority for me.

I have someone close to me with this dilemma. Hard to judge how each person will react.

But he left her. Finding out he had done it before can't be that much of a surprise.

I met my dads other family as a late teen and and while it was a nice surprise for me, for them who had our dad there whole life it was hard as they felt lied to by him. We don't speak now, they are lovely but we didn't grow up together so they don't feel like my family (I have siblings I grew up with and it's not the same relationship)

No I wouldn't. Definitely not.

But he left her. Finding out he had done it before can't be that much of a surprise. I didn’t say that. As far as we’re aware he stayed married to his second wife until he died.

I never got on with my father's first family, but it was nice to know them. It gave me some perspective on relative happiness I suppose. I'm pretty sure there are also other siblings I don't know about, but as most of his affairs were with married women, they probably don't know either. I'd be vaguely entertained if they popped up on 23 and me.

Yes, I would want to know. I do have an older half sibling that I don't have a relationship with (though I've always known he exists, I just think he's a bit of an arse from what interactions I have had, so I have no desire to have him in my life). But if there was anyone else out there who I didn't know about, yes, I think I'd want to know.

Is the sibling of a family member also a sibling of this person? Or are we talking like step siblings or half siblings with no actual biological connection? Because I think that makes a difference. It's okay to make contact on your own behalf, but not on behalf of someone else. It should be an non-intrusive as possible though, an email or letter, not turning up on the doorstep. I'd probably call the police if some nutter did that!

No. Absolutely not.

This woman demanding she must turn up on the doorstep isn't doing it for the half-sibling's benefit, she is doing it for her own selfish reasons.

Yes I'd definitely want to know but not via someone turning up on my doorstep.

My mum found out she had 5 siblings she didn't know about. They didn't turn up on her doorstep though, I'm not sure she would've appreciated that. Her father left when she was a baby and went on to have more kids with various women. He is an arse, but she does now have a relationship with some of her half siblings. I think siblings do deserve to know about each other, but it should be done with care as it's highly emotional for all involved (in my experience).

This woman demanding she must turn up on the doorstep isn't doing it for the half-sibling's benefit, she is doing it for her own selfish reasons. oh she absolutely is. That’s just her all over. And then she’ll probably go on to take all the credit for finding this sibling. In fact she may go one further and state that the sibling wanted to have more contact with her and how grateful she was. - can you tell what I think of her?

Is the sibling of a family member also a sibling of this person? Or are we talking like step siblings or half siblings with no actual biological connection? Because I think that makes a difference. It's okay to make contact on your own behalf, but not on behalf of someone else. It should be an non-intrusive as possible though, an email or letter, not turning up on the doorstep. I'd probably call the police if some nutter did that! yes they’re full siblings.

So it’s my mum and her sister.

No I wouldn't contact her because I wouldn't want to know myself. What's to be gained? The Dad is dead, so what if there is a family of half siblings she doesn't know about.

I would want to know, but via letter or email, and without any pressure or expectation.

I think I have younger half siblings I've never met. I would love to get to know them.