To ask, if you had older siblings you didn’t know about, would you want to know?

[HeartsAndClubs]

A family member has been looking into her family history on her dad’s side. He left when she was 8, and never came back apart from one time to see her mum.

He’s dead now, but it’s transpired that he remarried and had another child.

As far as we’re aware, this child (who is now an adult) doesn’t know that she has 6 other siblings. Family member isn’t interesting in contacting them, but one of her siblings has said that she thinks she ought to know, and she is going to get in touch with her, possibly even turn up on her doorstep.

I have suggested this might be a bad idea, especially doing it in such a crass manner, but she’s adamant that she has the right to know this sibling, and they ought to know that they had a family they didn’t know about. She’s a bit peculiar is this woman, and is one of those who has to believe that she’s always right about everything

I don’t think there’s anything we can do to stop her, so the question is, would you want to know?

IMO this could turn her whole world upside down. Not only would she find out that she wasn’t an only child, but she would then also find out that her father had a whole previous family she knew nothing about.

My bio dad left when I was 3. I may or may not have half siblings. We have no contact. Nothing. I know nothing about him. Nor do I want to.

I wouldn't want to have them turn up out of the blue at my front door. I'd need time to decide what to do.

It would be massively disrespectful to my Dad who has raised me and adopted me.

If a sibling just arrived at my door out of the blue I'd think they were very self centred and that it was all about them when it isn't. There are implications that go with that for wider family that they should consider before just turning up. Just turning up is forcing the issue for the outcome they desire no consideration for anyone else.

Just to turn up to me smacks of their own "I want" rather than what is best for everyone involved.

Nope. But my father left never to return when I was very young, so I don’t feel as if I’d really have anything to offer a half sibling. I know nothing about my father or his family really and don’t really care if there is any extra family on that side!

When I was 27 I found out I had 3 siblings I knew nothing about. A third party contacted me over facebook, gave me the details and asked if it was ok if my brother was to add me. I am glad that I know about them and we are building a relationship but it is incredibly difficult and very hard work.

Happy to discuss more if you message me

I honestly don't know if I'd be glad to find out that my now dead father had not been entirely honest.
Would 'gaining' half siblings compensate for the possible hurt? As it can't be explained or discussed, with the father it could be devastating.

I do know for certain I wouldn't want anyone turning up on my doorstep!

How do they know where she lives? If its been known all along, why now?

I have an elder sibling I didn't know about until I was 18. We met and it didn't feel like a sibling relationship. We are friendly to each other but I don't dig into her life and she doesn't dig into mine. Neither of us are that interested. I do care about her but I don't think there is much of a relationship between us to be that open and share details about our lives. We send the odd greetings at Xmas and birthdays but that is it.

My Bio dad has several children with several women - I’m in the middle.
Older siblings didn’t want to know, younger ones did.

Did this not all come out when he died? Or was his old family left nothing from his estate?

I would want to know, but my DH knows he has 2 older brothers from his DF's first marriage who were 'abandoned' by him when he left their DM, and who my DH has never met, or shown any inclination towards wanting to.

Dad fathered a daughter during an affair whilst married to my mother years before I was born. I found out a few years ago, I don't want to know anything about her, I have no interest in her, I never want to meet her, she isn't my family. A huge part of me also hates my father for getting someone pregnant and not taking responsibility for it. Must have been hard for her and her mum. Whatta Cunt.