Mother's Day

[AtLastEarwax]

So hubby works in logistics with high volume items. He was just telling me how his co workers are waiting for their own parcels to come through that they have ordered for Mother's Day. I said "has mine come through then??" Laughing and he said "when is Mother's Day anyway? Don't Tesco put the stuff out like a month before?"

Now I don't want to sound like I deserve anything. I would look after my children regardless. He works - I've chosen not to (3yr old & 16m twins) and a couple of times it's been why hasn't the kitchen been cleaned, dishwasher put on etc. However he does cook every other night and will put the washing in the dryer, perhaps the dishwasher once a week.

Maybe I am being unreasonable?? He works nights 2-7am, sleeps after taking DS to Pre school till 2pm.

I don't know if I just feel a bit crap at the moment and lockdown just doesn't help does it??

I think he needs a bit more sleep.

3 toddlers op?! Your dh has it easy..
Don't ever think otherwise. You most certainly deserve gifts. Can you make cards with them? Fun and a great result. Remember come June he can get the same as he gets you...

Very true about Father's Day. With our first he kind of made an effort with the usual chocs, flowers etc for Father's Day he got a SMALL bottle of southern comfort

My son is at Pre school 4 days a week though and he takes him in the morning so stays away from 7-9 when he gets back from work x

@Spied

I think he needs a bit more sleep.

Sorry just because it's text are you being sarcastic? I'm not bashing you or anything but just clarifying?

He should be able to sort out a card at the least

Sheesh! You DO work! Please don’t dismiss what you do as a SAHM. And if my DH had the audacity to ask why things haven’t been done when I’ve been dealing with little children he’d get short shrift...he wouldn’t though as he genuinely appreciates how much I do. As I do him.
Respect yourself and insist those who are supposed to care about you do, too.
However, don’t be a martyr about your wishes around Days like Mothering Sunday, you are still a young family so this needs an honest discussion. His wishes too with regard to days with meaning to him.

Of course you deserve to have mother's day acknowledged and it is the responsibility of a spouse to ensure this happens, same as birthdays etc.
I'd point out now that this is important to you, then if he does nothing you know there's an issue to be dealt with. Keep an eye on the little comments about certain things not being done in the house to the timescale he thinks they should happen - he's your husband not your boss! A mum sah sometimes encourages men to take the piss a bit, so remember you are there looking after your DC, it isn't for him to set you tasks! Nip it in the bud if it starts to happen.

@Spied

I think he needs a bit more sleep.

He needs to spend some time alone with his children.

See how much kitchen cleaning and tidying gets done while in sole charge of 3 under 5s.

Yeah true. He can be a bit tit for tat. That day that the kitchen wasn't tidy was because I had thrush. Now I have to explain thrush that hadn't be diagnosed for TWO months I was in agony I couldn't walk or wee so I didn't give a shit about the kitchen 😂😂😂

He lets me sleep in an hour or so which he doesn't have to.

I said to him this morning he's like a teenager
Takes ds to Pre school
Goes to the toilet
Comes downstairs to make a bacon sandwich
Goes upstairs to eat it and play on his phone as he can't eat it asleep can he lol

He response was "yeah alright then" and shook his head

What bugs me is the fact he has to tell me or reel off to me what he's done, so if he's emptied the dishwasher he has to tell me. I asked him why? What does he want a pat on the back?

Looks like you got a partner who does the bare minimum and thinks he’s a God. MN is full of them.
I hope he gets you something for all of the hard work YOU do.

Well I have epilepsy and have said if you come home and I've had a seizure and fell down the stairs, suffocated on my tongue and I'm stone cold with rigor mortis setting in what would you do? And he just said "why would you say that??"
Why not??

Your last post is so strange, I’m with your husband on that one - why would you even say that? What exactly were you expecting him to respond with?

Also I don’t understand why you are calling him a teenager for going back to bed when he works nights and his normal night sleep is after the school run. You can hardly be annoyed at him for sleeping until 2pm when he is a shift worker.

As for Mother’s Day, don’t me a martyr and set out your expectations. Pretending you don’t want a fuss the being hurt when no fuss is made doesn’t help anyone.

I think being a sahp isn't the best option for you if you are married to a man who can't see the value in it or how much it makes his own life easier. I'd give some serious thought to going back to work as soon as it's practically possible and then allocate childcare and housework 50/50.
I think in the meantime some serious discussion about how much in nursery fees you are saving by sah and pull him up every time he tries to direct what you do at home.

I’m not really seeing the big deal. I had to google when mothers day is this morning, I didn’t know, it doesn’t mean I won’t get my mum anything. I also don’t get what hypothetically dying of epilepsy has to do with who empties the dishwasher or any of it really.

I think OP was just trying to point out that she does more than he realises and that criticism isn't helpful

It seems like you just want to be appreciated. This is always the case with Mother’s Day. The lack of effort many partners put in on behalf of young dc shows how little they appreciate the mother of their dc.

Tell him again what your expectations are but also, tell your dc that it’s Mother’s Day soon so let’s make Mother’s Day cards or bake a cake for Mother’s Day. Show your young dc that Mother’s Day can be acknowledged by them in simple ways that mean a lot. This is how they’ll learn as they grow older.

My reference to death was what would be do without me, who would fold his socks? Who would look after his children? Yes he works but also it works both ways. Childcare workers have jobs looking after children - that's what I'm doing at home.

I'm probably painting a more awful picture of him. The lack of time with us and expectations is probably the root cause.

Baking with the kids is a great idea and we can eat them on Mother's Day and again it learns appreciation too.

I'm not playing a blame game or anything but I don't think Snapchat etc helps. I'm not on social media but my cousin sent me a photo last year of a cushion, Yankee candle, cupcakes and flowers all personalised and sent through the post and a ted Baker handbag. How amazing she is, what a fantastic mummy she is and she said what did you get?? It makes me feel that if I haven't got the same kind of things that I'm not as good but I suppose that is nothing new is it??

Wow, that’s a hell of a wealthy child your cousin has! With a three year old I’d expect his dad to take him out to choose a bunch of daffodils.

@VinylDetective

Wow, that’s a hell of a wealthy child your cousin has! With a three year old I’d expect his dad to take him out to choose a bunch of daffodils.

Brilliant!!! Love that. The worst thing is her daughter is a couple of weeks younger than my son so she genuinely is 3

If this year they do the same I'm going to ask if they've put her on the game... is that too below the belt??!!! I did tell them that she needed to get a life once 😂😂😂

I call a spade a spade sometimes too harshly

cushion, Yankee candle, cupcakes and flowers all personalised and sent through the post and a ted Baker handbag

And there we have it - evidence of what a ridiculous over commercialised faff Mother's Day has become. Those are Christmas/birthday gifts!

I think making sarky remarks to people you're jealous of for whatever reason is not especially nice op.

@MadameButterface

I think making sarky remarks to people you're jealous of for whatever reason is not especially nice op.

Nor is boasting about your completely over the top Mothers’ Day gifts.

I love your reaction, OP, you obviously won’t say it, but I like you so much for thinking it.

It depends if you're bothered about mother's day I guess? Personally I wouldn't mind no presents, I don't like clutter and would rather not have most of the tat I see advertised. Just seems like a reason to spend money.

What happened!? He could have been joking. Wait to the 14th before you get huffy.