To wonder what nasty things have been said to you that have always stuck with you?

[GuessWhosBackBackAgain]

I grew up with very abusive parents and when I was about 12 I was ill with glandular fever and afterwards was still unwell and it was mentioned by the GP that I might have ME (now called Chronic fatigue I believe?). My mum and dad told me that if I did have ME they wouldn't be looking after me and I'd need to go into foster care.

As it turned out, I didn't have ME but then years later my mum said to me that if I ever had an accident and was left injured or ever got a long term illness I'd be on my own!

I'm not NC with them both BTW and have been for many years.

These nasty things have stuck with me, especially now I have my own children whom
I'd do anything for.

Another thing that's stuck with me is at secondary school I was quite badly bullied, and also obviously had a shit home life. After one English lesson where I'd been given a really hard time by a nasty queen bee and her cronies, the teacher called me to one side and told me I was the most unpopular girl she'd ever met and I needed to change! Again her words have stuck with me all my adult life and I can't guarantee I wouldn't give her a mouthful if I ever encountered her as an adult.

When l was in junior school we were taught to knit. I messed mine up all the time. The teacher said to me ‘you’ll never be a knitter will you?’ I later became a knitwear designer and am actually amazing at knitting. Way better than average.

Horrible boy when l was 16 once called me ‘fat and foul’ 3 years later l was a model. I used to walk past him with my nose in the air. He was hideous!

Horrible boy when l was 16 once called me ‘fat and foul’ 3 years later l was a model. I used to walk past him with my nose in the air. He was hideous!

Well it's pretty obvious what was going on there!

Sending you 💐 OP. It took me until I was in my mid-40’s and a mental breakdown before I was finally able to look in the mirror, consider what had been said to me by others and mentally discard the untrue points made. Guess what? It was most of them!
Now if someone tries to make me feel shit with a nasty comment, I just say “I wonder what on earth made you say that? It wasn’t very nice, was it?” And then refuse to engage further, keeping a serene smile on my face and removing myself from the situation immediately.
After that realisation, someone once said to me that she felt that I was “Bien dans sa Peau” which means “happy in your own skin” and it was the best feeling ever as it really summed up how I now felt, after years of feeling bad. So I hope your moment comes soon, and you’re able to let go all the negative feelings: it can and does happen!

@Zebraaa

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Are you under the impression that if you say we don't need a thread it will just get deleted? 🙄

@DrSbaitso

"Your brother was better than you. Don't be offended by the truth."

"You fucking parasite, you piece of shit."

"Go on then, do it. Then you'll be dead and I won't give a shit."

"Oh darling, oh sweetheart, I'd die for you, you don't understand how awful my life has been!"

I have some idea, thanks, Dad.

💚

When I was a teen someone remarked about my auburn hair: my aunt said 'Never mind you can always die it to a normal colour when you are older'

My parents have decided that because I was a bit of a little shit when I was 16, that's the standard they measure me by.

They have used this as a basis for deciding that I am a crap mother, as they spent the best part of 4 months repeatedly phoning social services on me in an effort to have my children removed. Yes I needed some support which I got from Engage for a bit, but they very quickly signed me off. But this wasn't good enough. They kept reporting me.

I am NC with them now. My childhood was rubbish as everything was my fault. I once lost my keys entirely accidently. My mom waited till I was going to sleep before poking her head in my room to tell me anyone could have picked them up and would probably come and let themselves in and murder us in our sleep. I was 13.

Also remember my mom saying if I was ever getting bullied I should tell them and they could sort it. I got very badly bullied, took a while to tell them, when I finally did, my mom decreed it was all my fault and I must have done something to piss them off?!

Never forgotten that, my daughter has some bullies at her school, they targeted her and I've supported her every step of the way and pulled the school up about it, I couldn't imagine doing anything other than that?

DH said 'You turn love into hate' during a row that he escalated last year. We are now getting divorced.

(But I don't think I'll ever forget that he said this)

Gosh some of these are heartbreaking. The one that had always stuck in my mind was from 15 years ago. After 5 years of infertility I got pregnant after ivf. I miscarried after a few weeks and was just broken. My “friend” said “why are you so upset it was just a fertilised egg”. The same woman who got pregnant the first month she tried every single time (4 kids).
Nothing on the scale of what you guys have all went through but broke my heart at the time.

When I was successful at interview for a job my ex husband said to me "What are you going to do when they realise they haven't got what they think they're getting?"

Unfortunately he was right.

In a previous job which I loved and felt very confident in a senior colleague pulled me into her office to tell me all my colleagues talked behind my back about how annoying I was and they all made fun of my love of the job and I should realise people didn't like me. I cried for hours and was still a mess the next morning when I got to work. The lovely guy I worked with was so angry he went off to sort her out. He died last year and was one of the kindest people I ever knew.

A few I can think of - maybe I deserved the first one a bit.

We have family friends (parents now dead) and the daughter who is around my age has learning difficulties. My mum had this inbuilt Catholic guilt thing about having a NT child and we were always having arguments because she was always wanting me to play with the daughter and do things for her. So one day she said "I love you because you are my daughter but I don't like you very much". I was probably being selfish but the arguments have carried on. Even on Saturday she was talking about her!

When I was about 17 I was on a school exchange trip and one of the participants had a party and my partner and I were not invited. I then realised I was the only one on the English side excluded and she (the party-giver) said it was because nobody liked me. I had a nice time with my host family instead. That started because I wouldn't give up my place in a school quiz team for her.

And then there was the time I did something to one of the girls in my primary school class (to this day I have no idea what I was supposed to have done to her) and her mother stood outside the school stopping all the children in my class and telling them to be horrible to me about it. They obliged and when I went to the staffroom to tell a teacher they said they hoped it wasn't me moaning! Goodness knows what that was all about. The girl still lived near my mother but she died last year (not covid) so that is a mystery I will never be able to solve. We were in what is now year 4.

Some of these from parents are heartbreaking.
My father told me as an adult that he only pretended to listen to me as a child because he found me boring. I really resented him for that - he didn't need to tell me.

@Zebraaa, I'm genuinely confused as to why you would click on a thread that you 'don't need'. Even more confused as to why you'd post on it. Perhaps the answer is that you actually do have a need to aim horrible comments at people who you perceive to be vulnerable for whatever reason. Lovely!

My 'd'm has just told me I'm 'selfish, stuck up and care about nobody but myself' for daring to ask my sister for money she owes me.
I've recently started counselling due to the way my dm has always made me feel and had been making progress, but this has just put me back to where I began

That's shocking op. I hope you have a lovely day. You are better then them all X

My mother used to repeatedly ask why I was so difficult when my younger sister was such an easy going child. I was a fussy eater and she tried to force feed me. And when I was desperately upset, to the point of wanting to end it all as I saw nothing but a lonely future ahead, she'd shout that she wished I'd never been born. I've only ever received one hug from my parents in my 50+ years, and they never told me they loved me. I'm sure this is the root of my self esteem problems and maybe my food issues.

Mine are just countless casually cruel/neglectful
Of all the ones, bizarrely the one that stays with me most is coming home from school after GCSE exam. I had a splitting headache and the radio was on really loud in the kitchen. I asked DM if I could turn the radio off as I had a headache and she gave me such a look of contempt and an incredulous 'no I wont turn the radio off in my own house, who on earth do you think you are'. There are other examples that are worse but that just seemed not needed for a 15 year old who'd just taken an exam and wasnt well.

My mum told me a few months ago she wished one of my friends was her daughter instead of me as we're too dissimilar.

Some of these comments are awful. Words really do hurt and stay with you for years. I am so sorry.

iceskating grateful caesious

I was bullied at school coupled with having lukewarm friends. It did wonders for my self esteem!

I was told I was ugly and laughed at on almost a daily basis.

A so called friend told me I was weird and clingy. I was being bullied and nobody else really spoke to me. I used to visit her every Friday after school. One Friday she told me not to visit as she needed space and I needed to find other friends. I should have told her to f* off but instead I fought off the tears of rejection.

Another close school friend (or so I thought) just stopped speaking to me overnight in favour of a group who clearly did not want me to hang around them. I remember feeling that my heart was in my mouth for months.

I vowed never to rely on friendships again. Now I have a fair few friends who I spend time with separately. I do not like group dynamics. I also do a lot of activities alone such as clothes shopping, walking/jogging,sight seeing. I feel sad when I see other women out in twos and threes. I would rather be alone than impose on people who are not as keen to see me as me them.

I remember feeling jealous watching Sex in the City and witnessing their close friendships. Stupid really.

I have ongoing mental health issues. On the outside I present confident, assertive, ambitious, healthy, dress well, loving mother and wife. On the inside I am a mess and totally broken. Suicide has crossed my mind many times.

My mum once blamed me for her gynaecology problems as I was "dirty and brought germs in to house" for having a boyfriend!! Cheers mum but there's fuck all wrong with my foof so maybe it's a you problem. Strange thing is, I know my mum loved me but she could be a right old bitch sometimes but it was always my fault that she would say such nasty things to me and then wondered why we weren't best friends. I now have 2 kids, one of each, and I pray that I never end up so bitter and nasty that my children will have such horrible memories of me!

My mother told me that she wished I'd never been born, several times throughout my awful childhood.

You're an embarrassment and I don't want to be seen in public with you. When we have to go out together as a family, walk a few steps behind me to push the pram, so that people don't know we are together.

You're nothing to me. I've got what I want now (unlimited stay visa for the UK), I don't need you.

How can you still be bleeding 6 weeks after giving birth? That's not normal, you're lying, I don't believe you.
After he had forcibly checked-
You're disgusting and you stink.

All by my abusive Ex H. Just a few of the delights he used to come out with.

@FirewomanSam

Mine isn’t anywhere near as nasty as most of these but it’s something that left a real impression on me. When we were little, my sister and I were obsessed with watching movies about dancing and one day we decided to ask our parents if we could go to dance classes. My sister asked the question and my dad said to my sister something like ‘oh yes that’s a lovely idea, you’d be great at that you could be the next Ginger Rogers!’ Then I piped up and said ‘so could I!’ and my dad snorted with laughter. My mum said to him ‘be nice!’ and he sort of rolled his eyes and said ‘ok fine, yes, so could you’ in a way that made it clear he didn’t mean it.

I loved dancing but from then on I was always really embarrassed to do it and I’ve never been able to forget how crushed I felt. It was like I saw myself through my dad’s eyes for the first time and realised he thought of me as this ugly, awkward, gangly child.

Similar for me - again not really nasty and from a really caring parent too - but once I expressed surprise that my Mum had done some sort of dancing. I just didn't know - I would have been primary school age, maybe 9 or so. She was a bit put out that I seemed surprised so referred to my dad who said "Oh yes, your mum was a good dancer as a girl - not a great carthorse like you." Honestly, I was absolutely gutted. I knew he loved me but I just felt this is what he thought of me as a person. I cried for ages - I know he felt awful about it and he tried to backtrack and say he didn't mean it, he was joking etc, but it shows how thoughtless words can hurt.

Having said this I am sure I have said equally thoughtless stuff with no intent of hurting anyone.