To wonder what nasty things have been said to you that have always stuck with you?

[GuessWhosBackBackAgain]

I grew up with very abusive parents and when I was about 12 I was ill with glandular fever and afterwards was still unwell and it was mentioned by the GP that I might have ME (now called Chronic fatigue I believe?). My mum and dad told me that if I did have ME they wouldn't be looking after me and I'd need to go into foster care.

As it turned out, I didn't have ME but then years later my mum said to me that if I ever had an accident and was left injured or ever got a long term illness I'd be on my own!

I'm not NC with them both BTW and have been for many years.

These nasty things have stuck with me, especially now I have my own children whom
I'd do anything for.

Another thing that's stuck with me is at secondary school I was quite badly bullied, and also obviously had a shit home life. After one English lesson where I'd been given a really hard time by a nasty queen bee and her cronies, the teacher called me to one side and told me I was the most unpopular girl she'd ever met and I needed to change! Again her words have stuck with me all my adult life and I can't guarantee I wouldn't give her a mouthful if I ever encountered her as an adult.

we just don’t need another “woe is me” pity party thread

You opened a.thread you didnt like to moan about it? most people scroll by

My stepdad said and did a lot of hurtful things, mainly based around normal childhood behaviour and telling me I was weird and crazy, but the one that really sticks is when he said, and it was a regular thing "How can something so ugly (me) come out of something so beautiful (my mum)"
I'd then get laughed at when it upset me and told I had no sense of humour, was boring and dramatic because I got upset. It was designed to make me feel unwanted I think, I cramped their style as a young couple, and I was resented for that.

💐 To all of you who have had things like this that have affected you and stuck with you all these years.

Zebraaa you are the very people that op is referring to. Why be so nasty? Op wants to get this off her chest, who are you to make her feel worse and police what is posted.

@Zebraaa

There’s another recent thread about this.

Whoa thread police! Aren't you supposed to be on duty in style & beauty? ^ ^ Hurry up before someone posts about how utterly shit EL double wear is again!!

When I was about 11-12 and going through puberty I had really terrible skin- oily with bad acne. I hated it and was so self conscious.

One evening my dad barged into my room (no one ever knocked) looked at me in disgust and said "why can't you do something about your face? It looks like it exploded. You're an embarrassment. "

A few minutes later mum barged in, noticed I was crying and demanded to know why. When I told her she said I should pull myself together and that I needed to be kinder and more understanding to my father because he was "sensitive" and it was hard for him seeing me grow up.

I look back now and feel WTF?!? This was a recurring theme in our family that I was deliberately difficult and embarrassing and was "cold and hard" and uncaring. In fact I tried to keep my feelings to myself because any display of emotion was "attention seeking" and "being a baby ". It was allowed for my golden child younger sister though!

Bizarrely my mother was the least favourite child in her own family and often bemoaned how cruel and hurtful it was ... without seeing she was doing exactly the same.

Relative from hubby's side of family, "she won't last a week in that family,I'll write that in blood" , said whilst my dad was giving me away on my wedding day. 3 kids and 28 years later still together. Said relative is a very bitter person who we have no contact with.

That's awful @GuessWhosBackBackAgain

Quick one as I've got to run...

If ANY therapist, or well-meaning friend suggests that the 'fix' for verbally and emotionally abusive parents is to try to mend the relationship and help them see the error of their ways...DO NOT LISTEN! Get a new therapist or group of friends. The only fix is to work on your own worth, listen to your own voice and go with your own instincts. There is nothing wrong with you. I'm not saying you are perfect or don't need to work on yourself, I'm saying an adult who belittles a child is either a piece of shit or a very fucked up person or both. Keep them firmly at arm's length or go no contact if that is more comfortable for you.

My best friend at the time, I was 14 or 15 told me, "Nobody likes you because you're so weird." I was very shocked at the time that a friend said this to me and wondered what others said about me who weren't my friends.

Not really a big deal this one but it's always stuck with me. Again, 14/15 and I was in a science lesson. Two of the popular/nasty girls were sat on my table and I put my glasses on to read from the board. I then lay them in front of my pencil case to complete my worksheet and one of the girls said to her friend, "Look, she's hiding her glasses from us so she thinks we won't see she wore them." I mean ... ??? I wish I'd had the confidence then to tell her to F off and that she wishes she were that important that I'd value her opinion! It has stuck with me because I felt so ashamed at the time!

"Nobody will ever love you, because of the way you are."

Said to me by my late M when I was 18.

'You're an attention seeker' , 'You're a pathological liar', 'You're a bad influence on other patients', 'We don't want to see your ugly face', 'Do you think we care?' [after self harming].

All said to me by staff at one of the old psychiatric hospitals, many years ago and said on a regular basis. It hurt at the time, but on reflection, the staff were products of a system that was inadvertently cruel, and in which patients had little chance to complain.

"You're fit for nothing, you're worth nothing, you'll get nothing"

I was out nightclubbing aged 19. A man aged approx 40 approached me and said kindly: You look awful darling, you just look a mess. It’s best if you go home and don’t come out again because you’re just embarrassing yourself. Honestly, you just look awful. Look at all these people laughing at you because you look such a state. He repeated it over and over, but so kindly.

Of course I cried my eyes out and rushed home. Why would a stranger say that if it wasn’t true? I didn’t go out again for a very long time. The incident stayed with me and he was quite distinctive looking so I remembered his face.

When I did eventually start going out again, one time I recognised this guy in a club with a group of his friends. And I recognised one of his friends as a man I’d previously gone on a bad date with and subsequently rejected. So I’m guessing his mate saw me and said that bitch rejected me, go and destroy her.

Let me just say that again. A 40-ish man harassing a 19yo and trying to destroy her self confidence because she didn’t want to date his friend. I’m 40 now and a 19yo is basically a child. It still shocks me that anyone would do that.

That I am a slag, a slut and stupid. Cheers mum.

Mum and dad decided to move to the other end of the country meaning I had to sit 11 plus on my own at front of class whilst noisy pupils carried on.
Dm asked how it went.
I said I wasn't sure as so noisy.
Her response
If you have failed I'll bloody kill you.

Needless to say I spent the next 3 months worried sick but fortunately I passed.

More recently bil posted on sm that I was an embarrassment to the family name.
My crime was using an f word to a friend with whom I share banter.
He's blocked. I don't tolerate that shit at my age.

There’s another recent thread about this.

So?

It's astonishing what hateful things some people will say to mere children (a blessing some people don't deserve to have). At an impressionable age these things are more apt to stay with you. Hopefully this thread will be cathartic and enable people to offload these. But I hope you do hear this: if some wanker bullies or shames you, it's about THEM. It is in no way your fault.

My own father's hatefulness now amuses me. No question that what he said to me was far from funny, but I see this is all about him and nothing at all to do with me. I was raped at 15. His response was that I deserved it because I was a slut. His second (contradictory) response was that I was lying and he didn't believe me anyway.

These are about the two most hurtful things a rape victim can hear: a far my dear ole da doubtless knew; hence why he said them. But he wanted it both ways which tends to negate their impact. Which was it to be, victim-blaming or 'I don't believe you?' He can't claim both. But honestly, he was pathetic. It took a lot of therapy to bring me to the understanding that the one with issues: most notably a deep-seated loathing against women (and girls, as I was at at that time) and a sadistic streak a mile wide. I'm glad I don't have to live with these unattractive traits as an encumbrance. Nor will I consent to carrying that baggage for another person. It's staying at his door and I'm not touting the load.

Now in my 40s, I've genuinely reached a state where what other people think of me is none of my business. There are a few people I genuinely care for and whose opinions matter. Other people's, including the kind of inadequate who would mock the appearance of complete strangers, don't.

to all who have been similarly hurt by arseholes like my Dad.

@MarieIVanArkleStinks so sorry.
That's terrible. Glad you can now deal with it although you shouldn't have to.

Mine isn’t anywhere near as nasty as most of these but it’s something that left a real impression on me. When we were little, my sister and I were obsessed with watching movies about dancing and one day we decided to ask our parents if we could go to dance classes. My sister asked the question and my dad said to my sister something like ‘oh yes that’s a lovely idea, you’d be great at that you could be the next Ginger Rogers!’ Then I piped up and said ‘so could I!’ and my dad snorted with laughter. My mum said to him ‘be nice!’ and he sort of rolled his eyes and said ‘ok fine, yes, so could you’ in a way that made it clear he didn’t mean it.

I loved dancing but from then on I was always really embarrassed to do it and I’ve never been able to forget how crushed I felt. It was like I saw myself through my dad’s eyes for the first time and realised he thought of me as this ugly, awkward, gangly child.

When telling my mother I was going out for my anniversary meal (happily married). Response was that she was surprised my husband wanted to celebrate being married to me.

I love you because you’re my daughter but I don’t like you.

And many more things

My ex husband told me I was a freak for having epilepsy. Of all the cruel things he said and did to me that was the worst.

I'd recently got my first boyfriend at 16.Id hurt my back and my mum said its probably because you spend so much time on it.Totally out of character for her and I'd never told her we were having sex (we were) Its just always stuck with me what a catty comment it was.

I don't mean that it was recently I'm 40! I meant at the time it was said it was a recent thing

"Your brother was better than you. Don't be offended by the truth."

"You fucking parasite, you piece of shit."

"Go on then, do it. Then you'll be dead and I won't give a shit."

"Oh darling, oh sweetheart, I'd die for you, you don't understand how awful my life has been!"

I have some idea, thanks, Dad.

My mum was always willing to believe other people over me. One day her friend had visited, and had left her empty fag packet in the outside bin. I was blamed for this. Another time, on a school trip that my mum came on as a helper, someone put a fake poo (!!) in the toilet, and I was blamed.

It's shit knowing that even your mum is suspicious of you and won't fight your corner.

I was about 13 and kissed a boy

My half brother (5yrs) told my father who had me eow.

He said "people will say you are buck toothed and easy"

I had terrible sticking out teeth, that has always stuck with me