Prom Refund

[mummy2CnB]

So my son was ment to have his year 11 prom last June. Obviously with covid this could not go ahead. It was moved to september then possibly to December but in Novemeber was officially canceld. There was a social media post saying that we had to email for refund but I had not seen this. Today a post was put up saying that all refunds were done and the account now closed. I commented saying I had not had ones only to be told that I should have emailed for a refund and that any money that was remeaining in the account where they had not been contacted was donated to the school. I am fuming. PLease tell me I am not being unreasonable. The prom is organised with students by the help of thier parents. To which they have come back and said one student with a single parent has been sorting this and it was a lot to deal with and there is nothing they can do as they have already closed the account and donated the money. I missed one post about refunds and now my money is gone? That can be right. Surely they have money left over they know people are still due refunds. To just give this money away and close the account with no further contact is rediculous. The would have had a list of the names of people who had paid in and we had to use our childs name as refrence when paying so there really is no excuse for this right?

That’s so infuriating and I voted YANBU. However, if they’re like my son’s old school then they probably won’t budge and you’ll just have to let it go. How annoying.

Damn, should have read the thread! Caught out.

I've read that you have had resolution. However, please do not support such an awful US tradition in future, one which is heteronormative.

Don't for one second think you'll be the only parent to realise that their money was donated. Be glad you are getting your money back and don't give a second thought to her claiming it's from her own pocket - I wouldn't belive that for a second. She has realised she's fucked up by giving away other people's money without prior consent and has probably organised to get it back from the school. No doubt she'll have to contact the other parents in order to give it back to them now too.

How was the communication conducted previously? How did you know how much to pay and how to pay it? Was that all done via SM too?

I think if there was really just ONE post, you are not being unreasonable. However, if all previous communication regarding this event took place via SM and there was a post and a reminder with a deadline, then I think you are being unreasonable.

@mummy2CnB

UPDATE:

After a back and forth comment deabte the organising parent has said they will refund me as a "good will guesture" out of her own pocket. Im glad I will get the money back but I do feel bad for anyone else that has missed the post not knowing.

After that update, I do hope that you're not actually going to take the full amount when it's from her pocket for your lackadaisical approach.

If as you say that's such a lot of money to you, I'm sure that in November, December, January or February you may have contacted someone about a timescale for the refund...

And I agree, this is why children miss out. Who. Would want to be a parent helper organising such events with parents like this poster on their case when they're just trying their best.

I am surprised the school accepted the 'donation' without checking the criteria under which it was given, OP.

The person saying 'I'll refund out of my own pocket' is bizarre. PTAs have funds. The school is likely to refund you if you contact them.

It DOES sound very strange that the person has not gone down those avenues.

If it's £30-£50 or so, that's not insignificant and to those saying it isn't , I hope you know your good fortune.

OP - maybe email the school and copy the organiser in, saying they have offered to refund out of their own money but you don't want them to be out of pocket?

Surely there must be others who have lost out too?

@BusyLizzie61

And I agree, this is why children miss out. Who. Would want to be a parent helper organising such events with parents like this poster on their case when they're just trying their best.

@BusyLizzie61

I've been an active PTA leader in my day. it can be the most thankless of tasks - in fact, almost always is.

When it comes to funds, however - this would NEVER happen if it's the way the OP describes.

We had to be super scrupulous and would have tried everyday to contact before finally issuing a cut off date.

@BusyLizzie61

And I agree, this is why children miss out. Who. Would want to be a parent helper organising such events with parents like this poster on their case when they're just trying their best.

But they're not competent. If events are important then rules have to be followed - scrupulously. If somebody's not capable of doing that then best that they don't volunteer.

As for suggesting that the poster doesn't 'take the full amount', it's HER money and that's a suggestion to try to guilt-trip the OP. Pathetic.

It's a GCSE year BALL.

Voted YABU for using an American word.

@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe
There are no rules when it comes to paying a deposit for a prom! There is no legislation. There was no contract beyond contribute or don't.

The PTA offered refunds. Those who wanted contacted. The PTA then paid that money into the school as a donation. There's an absolute money trail. Nothing dodgy, except now the op is being bolshy about it. And realistically, the money at that point is no longer the op's but the school's now.

Now don't get me wrong, I'd have wanted my money back, but I'd have chased this up months ago.

I would actually feel embarrassed to now be going to the school to say that the charitable funds donation from the PTA is now x less because I as a parent couldn't get my act together.

If the event is arranged via the akrents page or whetaver, then that's the medium the op needed to check.

I don't use SM, but also make PTA members etc aware of this if there would be announcements that would impact me and I'd miss, for example when I buy the raffle tickets (and win - yeah right lol)!

@Notaroadrunner

Don't for one second think you'll be the only parent to realise that their money was donated. Be glad you are getting your money back and don't give a second thought to her claiming it's from her own pocket - I wouldn't belive that for a second. She has realised she's fucked up by giving away other people's money without prior consent and has probably organised to get it back from the school. No doubt she'll have to contact the other parents in order to give it back to them now too.

She has said she has now closed the account that was used and has no way of knowing who had paid and who was refunded now. Another paretn has also commented on todays post stating she has also not recieved a refund.

I was given an email to send the refund request but was instantly replied asking my childs name and also what school they attend which doesnt make sense being that it was a single school prom.

I have had another mum on the page saying I am unfair to expect the organiser to refund me now too.

[quote BusyLizzie61]@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe
There are no rules when it comes to paying a deposit for a prom! There is no legislation. There was no contract beyond contribute or don't.

The PTA offered refunds. Those who wanted contacted. The PTA then paid that money into the school as a donation. There's an absolute money trail. Nothing dodgy, except now the op is being bolshy about it. And realistically, the money at that point is no longer the op's but the school's now.

Now don't get me wrong, I'd have wanted my money back, but I'd have chased this up months ago.

I would actually feel embarrassed to now be going to the school to say that the charitable funds donation from the PTA is now x less because I as a parent couldn't get my act together.

If the event is arranged via the akrents page or whetaver, then that's the medium the op needed to check.

I don't use SM, but also make PTA members etc aware of this if there would be announcements that would impact me and I'd miss, for example when I buy the raffle tickets (and win - yeah right lol)![/quote]
It was not via PTA, They are organised each year by a groupe of students and their parents. Even in todays post there was no mention of left over money or a dontation made to the school until I pointed out I had not had a refund. The bank account used has been closed so is no trail of money paid to them or what they refund or donated.

Don't give in. The fact they don't know who has been refunded shows how incompetent they are. You cannot organise an event, take money from people and then just throw away the records. That's on her and she needs to be held accountable. Send a message stating that there was only one school involved and that you will now contact that school to see if they can assist. There will be more parents looking for their money back so she needs to sort this out. As for anyone else telling you it's unfair of you to want your money back, don't engage with them. It's none of their business unless they were involved in the financial side of organising the event too.

Just to say, the bank can probably issue duplicate statements on closed accounts so tell her to contact them.

You won't be the only one, OP.

[quote BusyLizzie61]@LyingWitchInTheWardrobe
There are no rules when it comes to paying a deposit for a prom! There is no legislation. There was no contract beyond contribute or don't.

The PTA offered refunds. Those who wanted contacted. The PTA then paid that money into the school as a donation. There's an absolute money trail. Nothing dodgy, except now the op is being bolshy about it. And realistically, the money at that point is no longer the op's but the school's now.

Now don't get me wrong, I'd have wanted my money back, but I'd have chased this up months ago.

I would actually feel embarrassed to now be going to the school to say that the charitable funds donation from the PTA is now x less because I as a parent couldn't get my act together.

If the event is arranged via the akrents page or whetaver, then that's the medium the op needed to check.

I don't use SM, but also make PTA members etc aware of this if there would be announcements that would impact me and I'd miss, for example when I buy the raffle tickets (and win - yeah right lol)![/quote]
Fair enough, BusyLizzie but what would you do if you were the organiser and OP came to you?

I suspect that you would have done all you could to make her and any other parent aware that they hadn't been refunded. You'd know the score and I doubt very much that you'd let it lie, you'd make sure you refunded because a) it's the right thing to do and b) you wouldn't want people thinking you were incompetent or worse.

There might not be rules or regulation in things like PTA stuff but there is a underlying governance that means you handle other people's money with care and be accountable for it.

I would, I suspect you would too. Using SM as a compliance tool is the act of an idiot.

@Propagandalf - really? That’s your contribution. Get over yourself

@Propagandalf

It's a GCSE year BALL.

Voted YABU for using an American word.

Most schools call them prom, a directive from the powers that be who make the plans and market the event.

Not the OPs fault that American words are being used here.

Gosh i feel a bit sorry for the poor single mum who took on the thankless task of organsing the prom. As if dealing with school shut downs and total wipe out of the hospitality business is enough of a challenge, she's now got frothing mums-netters accusing her of stealing the deposits and she's having to pay compensation out of her own money.

Fair enough, she hasn't exactly managed the process very well- but she's an amateur, a volunteer. this isn't the PTA with their support frameworks and guidelines.

OP mentions instagram etc so presumably is on Social media. Its a lot harder to coordinate communications during lockdown to be fair.

I don't have a problem with the OP wanting her money back. I'm just surprised at the lack of empathy for poor mum organizer. She won't be sticking her hand up to volunteer again

It sounds very strange that no records. When ever dealing with something like this, the organiser should always keep an audit trail of what’s happened with the money together with screen shots or printed copies of the account statements. It may all be above board but she’s leaving her self open to accusations of pocketing the money herself.

I'm just surprised at the lack of empathy for poor mum organizer. She won't be sticking her hand up to volunteer again

When it comes to handling other people's money, that would be best.

I'm a bit surprised that she wasn't just refunding based on the payment details she already had. Most people would just do that - there's no way they'd want other people's money left, knowing that they'd have to deal with it eventually. The stress of it!

This was a really simple thing to do but it required a degree of organisation and stamina to see it through. For whatever reason, it wasn't done and there aren't any excuses good enough. Other people's money...

I volunteer. In my voluntary capacity, I have some financial responsibilities. I am not excused from fulfilling these responsibilities properly simply because I am not paid for the role.

Volunteering doesn't mean anything goes. If you can't adhere to certain, basic standards, then you should not put yourself forward for stuff. If that means that there is nobody to run the prom or whatever, so be it. No event is better than a mismanaged one.