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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Prom Refund

75 replies

mummy2CnB · 01/03/2021 14:25

So my son was ment to have his year 11 prom last June. Obviously with covid this could not go ahead. It was moved to september then possibly to December but in Novemeber was officially canceld. There was a social media post saying that we had to email for refund but I had not seen this. Today a post was put up saying that all refunds were done and the account now closed. I commented saying I had not had ones only to be told that I should have emailed for a refund and that any money that was remeaining in the account where they had not been contacted was donated to the school. I am fuming. PLease tell me I am not being unreasonable. The prom is organised with students by the help of thier parents. To which they have come back and said one student with a single parent has been sorting this and it was a lot to deal with and there is nothing they can do as they have already closed the account and donated the money. I missed one post about refunds and now my money is gone? That can be right. Surely they have money left over they know people are still due refunds. To just give this money away and close the account with no further contact is rediculous. The would have had a list of the names of people who had paid in and we had to use our childs name as refrence when paying so there really is no excuse for this right?

OP posts:
Original poster
mummy2CnB · 01/03/2021 15:15

@Kitfish

It's hardly a life changing amount of money and the school will benefit from it. I think you're getting very worked-up over something that isn't that big a deal. Chill.
For some it might not be but this is nearly a weekly food shop for me. I run my own business so I am sure you have seen how hard alot of self employed people have been hit finacialy with covid. Im not in a possition where I can just give money away like that.
OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 01/03/2021 15:18

@mummy2CnB, sounds like she has realised that she has fucked up then. Tbh, I would feel really bad about taking it from her own pocket and probably wouldn't accept it on that basis, but ultimately, you paid in good faith and you are not at all unreasonable to accept the refund that has been offered.

Hopefully, the other mum will have learned that, if they're handling other people's money, even on a voluntary basis, they need to have proper systems and processes in place. Good lesson.

rabbitholes · 01/03/2021 15:23

@Snowymcsnowsony

Isn't it strange how schools can contact regularly when it suits..
It's nothing to do with the school, OP stated that it was one parent doing all the work.

Perhaps the lesson here is for more parents to volunteer and then all the work isn't left to one person who then gets slated online if something goes wrong.

m00rfarm · 01/03/2021 15:25

I would imagine the parent offered to pay, and stated it would be coming out of their own pocket, in order for you to say not to worry. If they had really wanted to make the payment, they would not have told you they were making it themselves. At least, I wouldn't. I would just pay as it would be the right thing to do, and no need to make the other person feel guilty.

Nith · 01/03/2021 15:36

It shouldn't have been up to you to ask for a refund, they should have arranged it automatically anyway. It's very clear that putting one post on social media isn't due diligence by any stretch of the imagination. They do have a duty in law to refund the money to you, and it's their problem if they have to recover what they wrongly donated.

ElijahsMoon · 01/03/2021 15:42

Im glad you got your money back OP. we had a similar thing, refunds were advertised on a parents whatsapp group. However about 4 parents were not in there. Once most of us had our refunds the organiser just wrote "write I still have Mrs X, Mr Y and Ms Zs money. Can any of you contact them and find the best way for me to get it to them? Otherwise I will leave it at the school office and they can sort collection themselves". So YANBU and they didnt try very hard to check everyone off the list.

safariboot · 01/03/2021 15:48

Their initial attitude was not OK. The combined money paid by all students/parents isn't going to be small change, it needs to be handled professionally and the person responsible failed to do that.

I see no argument that you are owed a refund, and in law, you have six years before it's too late to enforce that.

(Wouldn't surprise me if they've skimmed off some of the money for themselves either.)

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 01/03/2021 15:49

@mummy2CnB

UPDATE:

After a back and forth comment deabte the organising parent has said they will refund me as a "good will guesture" out of her own pocket. Im glad I will get the money back but I do feel bad for anyone else that has missed the post not knowing.

I would infer from that that the money went into her own pocket in the first place.

Shoddy treatment of you, OP and there was no reason not to refund. It would have been the simplest thing in the world to use all those BACS details or whatever to return those payments.

And that's what a reasonable person would have done.

Don't respond to that nonsense but if it were me, I'd raise it with the school that money-handling is to be done in an accountable way and somebody has to underwrite and organise it, properly. Not via SM ffs.

rabbitholes · 01/03/2021 15:52

@safariboot

Their initial attitude was not OK. The combined money paid by all students/parents isn't going to be small change, it needs to be handled professionally and the person responsible failed to do that.

I see no argument that you are owed a refund, and in law, you have six years before it's too late to enforce that.

(Wouldn't surprise me if they've skimmed off some of the money for themselves either.)

you can't go round making allegations like that Biscuit
Original poster
mummy2CnB · 01/03/2021 15:52

@m00rfarm

I would imagine the parent offered to pay, and stated it would be coming out of their own pocket, in order for you to say not to worry. If they had really wanted to make the payment, they would not have told you they were making it themselves. At least, I wouldn't. I would just pay as it would be the right thing to do, and no need to make the other person feel guilty.
I did have the same thought but I'm not in a possition where I can give the money away and I am also not one who cares too much of what others might think of me especially over the needs of our family.
OP posts:
AlexaShutUp · 01/03/2021 15:55

I did have the same thought but I'm not in a possition where I can give the money away and I am also not one who cares too much of what others might think of me especially over the needs of our family.

I think that's totally fair enough, OP. You didn't choose to make a donation to the school, you are entitled to expect a refund.

MyDcAreMarvel · 01/03/2021 15:57

But If the prom had gone ahead you would not have had your grocery money back. It’s not like you need the money for a new prom the money has been spent.

AlexaShutUp · 01/03/2021 16:01

But If the prom had gone ahead you would not have had your grocery money back. It’s not like you need the money for a new prom the money has been spent.

Some parents might make significant sacrifices to be able to pay for their child's prom ticket. It is fair enough if they don't want to make the same sacrifices to make a donation to the school when the prom is cancelled.

It's easy to say that you'd let the money go if you have plenty of cash to spare, but not everyone is in that position. And for some people, it will be a matter of principle.

It wasn't for the other mother to decide whether or not OP's money should be donated.

greeneyedlulu · 01/03/2021 16:05

Considering everything going on especially money wise for some people, they should have just refunded everyone and they should have contacted you via email to inform you of the process, using fb or insta is not appropriate when dealing with monetary issues

Hercules12 · 01/03/2021 16:11

How on earth did the organiser think that donating other people's money to the school was ever going to be acceptable. Surely all the other parents are going to expect the money back.

greeneyedlulu · 01/03/2021 16:13

@MyDcAreMarvel

But If the prom had gone ahead you would not have had your grocery money back. It’s not like you need the money for a new prom the money has been spent.
Thats a very daft thing to say, you can book and pay for holiday but if it got cancelled, you'd expect a refund.
muppette · 01/03/2021 16:13

Why did they even need to ask? Why didn't they just send cheques to all??

AdobeWanKenobi · 01/03/2021 16:17

@Kitfish

It's hardly a life changing amount of money and the school will benefit from it. I think you're getting very worked-up over something that isn't that big a deal. Chill.
Who are you to judge what is or isn't a decent amount of money to the OP? Staggering.
CaffineismyBFF · 01/03/2021 16:19

So what happens if a parent isn't on social media? How would they have known? I'm not on the main social media sites so I would have expected an email / text and actually something official from the school.

Put your foot down and demand a refund. If they say you had plenty of time, they also had plenty of time to do a checklist and contact parents. Its not fair to donate money without your permission, especially when people have lost jobs and that extra bit of money could be of use.

GabriellaMontez · 01/03/2021 16:20

Its easy to be generous with someone else's money isnt it!

Cheeky organisers should've just returned it without any discussion. But to not even email you is CF territory. Glad to hear you're getting your money back and shes making a donation to the school now!

Original poster
mummy2CnB · 01/03/2021 16:22

@MyDcAreMarvel

But If the prom had gone ahead you would not have had your grocery money back. It’s not like you need the money for a new prom the money has been spent.
The prom was paid for befor covid. My business is a cake maker and most of my income is from large events and weddings. These have also all been canceled over the last year so my finacial circumstance is not the same.
OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 01/03/2021 16:23

rabbitholes and the parent had no right to keep and donate the money. None at all. Only an idiot would take other people's money for an event and then not pay it back immediately if the event is cancelled. An idiot, or a thief.

honeylulu · 01/03/2021 16:23

There's a law case on this point. I think it's to do with the Mousehole fishing boat disaster. The judgment found that when people give money away, even to charity they don't give it sub modo but for the specific purpose it was intended. So the recipient cannot just decide to do something different with it without agreement. The excuse that the payor was prepared to forgo the money anyway doesn't hold good.

LolaSmiles · 01/03/2021 16:24

I'm glad you've got your money back. It sounds like the organising parent was happy to volunteer and help, but didn't have the skills or sense to manage once it stopped being a straightforward prom.

LongCOVID · 01/03/2021 16:41

Glad you're getting your money back, but honestly you shouldn't feel bad for the parent. They took your money for an event, which was then cancelled, and then gave your money away without contacting you directly or via the school. That's their problem. They have probably realised that they'd have to pay you back at some point, and it is better to do it now rather than after lots more stress.

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