Believe something has been stolen

[leopardprintpants]

How would you deal with this, or to make it accurate to AIBU.. am I being unreasonable asking?

If a member of your partners family stayed at your house and something went missing after they left, you noticed a day or two after their visit; would you ask them if they had seen it, or would you come out and accuse them of taking the item? (Your gut instinct tells you it was taken, not easily lost.) would you hide anything they may take a fancy to in future?

It is not something sentimental or hugely expensive although, something I had bought myself as a "treat."

I feel sad that this person could steal from me ☹️

hhmmm depends what it is. If you're that sure they took it I'd probably say something

Ask them if they had seen it. Maybe they moved it for some reason?

I think you need something better than "gut instinct" to accuse someone you presumably like, of stealing.

I don’t think I’d actually come out and say “I know you took X item” (what if DP actually hates it and got rid of it thinking you would blame visitors but wouldn’t dream of mentioning it to them?
Just say something along the lines of “where has X item gone, I know it was there Saturday and now it isn’t”

Hmmm - if it’s something like a nice perfume from the bathroom, I would mention it in passing in a “did it get mixed up in your wash bag” way, or, “I really can’t find a £50 note I had, do you remember me paying for anything in cash over the weekend other than the ice creams?” That way if it’s an honest mistake (either way) it’s easily rectified. Was a child staying too? Often children can pinch something with no malice, not realising the gravity of what they’ve done, or move things to very bizarre places

Depends what it is. I’ve “stolen” a host’s very nice body lotion before, accidentally when packing up my own stuff in the bathroom. I found it later and owned up, but would have expected the host to message asking if I’d accidentally picked it up. Can you do that?

If it’s not something that could be accidentally packed or could have fallen down the back of something then it’s clear they’ve actually stolen it. In which case, I’d not care whether they thought I was accusing them of stealing in asking for it back!

It is a nice facial product, the person visiting was not a child.

I have asked if they saw it and I said where it was when last used. They claim they didn't see it.

I just had to take their word for it and possibly keep things somewhere safe next time.

@leopardprintpants

It is a nice facial product, the person visiting was not a child.

I have asked if they saw it and I said where it was when last used. They claim they didn't see it.

I just had to take their word for it and possibly keep things somewhere safe next time.

Yeah unfortunately if you asked and they denied it there isn't a lot more you can do without some sort of proof. I'd be very careful to next time though

They now know that you know they took it, they aren't going to admit it but of course I'd be locking away anything similar in future and probably making it obvious I'd done it

The covid police might say it was karma if you are in a situation where staying overnight in someone else's house isn't allowed

A text to ask not accuse. 'Did you see my xxx? I could have sworn I put it xyz place and I have turned the house over to find it. Did you move it?

I have asked if they saw it and I said where it was when last used. They claim they didn't see it

Personally I'd write the facial product off, but I'd never have them back in the house.

Sorry doesn’t seem like there’s much more you can do. Best case scenario they accidentally broke it and didn’t want to fess up (my cat spectacularly broke my brand new foundation once) or will find it mixed alongside dirty washing they’ve scooped from the floor once they unpack, worst case they’re a thief and at least you know now and can alter your behaviour accordingly.

Sadly, you now know you'll have to safeguard your things when they're visiting. What does your partner say about it? Does the relative have form for this kind of behaviour?

@TheyIsMyFamily

Sadly, you now know you'll have to safeguard your things when they're visiting. What does your partner say about it? Does the relative have form for this kind of behaviour?

The only memorable thing was a watch, but person was quite young at the time (a teenager) and I assumed that it had fallen behind furniture.

I could never have pin pointed it to this person.. although makes me wonder.

I have asked DP if he has seen the list item, he said he hasn't and didn't even know what it was 😂 I have not explicitly stated to him that I believe the visitor has taken it.. as I imagine he would be embarrassed and try and convince me it wasn't this person, it is just.. lost.

@leopardprintpants
I would be Wary of ever inviting that person back op.!

I would be very tempted not to invite them ever again.

But I have to be absolutely certain I hadn't moved it myself or anybody living with me,had not either moved it.

are you absent minded/forgetful tendencies in any way, such as moving stuff around yourself and forgetting you have done this sometimes op?😕

I wouldn’t be letting them stay again. Hopefully they will get the hint.

[quote thosetalesofunexpected]@leopardprintpants
I would be Wary of ever inviting that person back op.!

I would be very tempted not to invite them ever again.

But I have to be absolutely certain I hadn't moved it myself or anybody living with me,had not either moved it.

are you absent minded/forgetful tendencies in any way, such as moving stuff around yourself and forgetting you have done this sometimes op?😕[/quote]
It is a product I always apply in front of the bathroom mirror and shove back in the (small) cabinet.

Will have another look again tonight, although I am 100% sure it is not in my house.

So frustrating!

You sure you didnt misplace it? Or your child has moved it?

Ive been wrongly accused before, and its damn infuriating, and I ghosted said person.

Accused of stealing their housekeys...why the hell would I take someone elses housekeys...let alone a friend's....

Its fine to ask if ive someone has acccidentally taken something (as I know someone who once took my phone and gave it back), but to phrase it as an accusation after I already told them I have no idea, was completely outrageous imo.

How would I deal with it? By never having them to stay again. Ever. And if I even allowed them to be here on a short visit, I'm sure the contents of a small bathroom cabinet would fit into a bag that can be hidden in another room.

I think you've done what you can and if they did it maliciously they'll know you're onto them and will hopefully move onto another victim. Bloody annoying of course, what kind of person steals from their host.

Do you have kids - in particular teens? Just to rule that out. I've had teens suddenly "borrow" a product and a younger one "making a potion". Now have everything in a lockable cabinet somewhere else. Probably not that, but just in case.

I would say to departed guest " My Thing is missing, I think it has been accidentally packed. Would you mind checking your bag ? Thanks. I really want it back, just drop it in the post. ".

Just letting them know that you know; and giving them an out.

Then (whether or not they return it) I'd never let them in the house again.

I don't think you can do much more. If you accuse them without proof, you could damage your relationship with them for life.

You have asked them if they have seen it, try a different way. Say "I've looked everywhere for it, especially in bathroom cabinet. Would you mind double checking your bag for it please?" They can stop day no but does give them a (another) chance to give it back.

Still say*

I wouldn't have them in the house again, regardless of who they are. It's not a nice feeling to find something has gone missing.

I had someone stay, gave up my bed for them and slept on the sofa cushions, paid for taxis and food as we were attending a course and I am a good host. After the weekend I found that some small items had gone missing. Should have realised as the details of the place we were attending mysteriously vanished just before we left and I had to find the phone no. and phone to get the address before we could leave. I never spoke to that person again. No place in my life for thieves. Even petty ones.