didn't get promoted - feel worthless

[feelingworthless76]

Sorry to abuse AIBU. I just really need some kind words.
I work for a company where my department operates autonomously and is fairly new but the overall company is huge, listed and one of the best in the world for what we offer in professional services.

I moved to the company 18m ago. I think I've done well. I'm 26 and was brought in as an experienced hire, I used to work at Big 4. Most people were brought in as graduates, working their way up. It's customary at the lower levels to be promoted every year, they aren't normal promotions as most would consider, but there's levels within each grade and you move up a level each year, sometimes 2 levels if you do well.

I just found out I didn't get promoted. They said they love working with me, I am good, but they think I could do with an extra year in my current level to gain experience. I think they needed to show the US HQ they were keeping costs down and I was an easy target. In a normal year I would have been promoted, I was told. Everyone else has been promoted, some doubles. As a result, people less qualified than me and younger are now above me (as they began as grads). For the job you need to be ACA qualified, grads do this in their first 3 years. I have been qualified for 2 years, so that's what I mean by qualified.

I feel so worthless and embarrassed. I don't want to stay but a part of me wonders if maybe I should for a while. I get paid a good amount and I have it pretty easy right now.

Any words of advice?

Embrace the easiness! I was overlooked for promotion, twice, and although I didn’t realise it at the time, it was absolutely a blessing in disguise! It led me to a far better path. Best of luck!

That's tough for you. It sounds like it was a cost saving decision. Try not to take it personally.

This happened to me. There was nothing wrong with my work or my ranking within my peer group. It was a very male dominated industry and happened in a ‘difficult’ year when promotions weren’t automatic. It made me realise nobody was prepared to champion me. I took a week’s holiday while I waited until my bonus was in my account and handed in my notice

My current boss is leaving and I've been asked if i'll apply for the job - not in a million years. I've been promoted a number of times at my company and i'm as high as i want to go. I have a good level of responsibility but don't have to deal with people management and i have enough distance to mean the buck doesn't stop with me and i'm delighted at that. I'm paid well for what i do for my location and even if they doubled my salary, i wouldn't want the promotion.

Definitely agree with embracing the easiness! For me it means i have a great work/life balance.

I am a seasoned professional in your line of work, 28 years experience predominantly in multinational financial services (as an accountant). I have occupied several senior finance positions and as such have mentored, coached and managed hundreds of accountants along their career path.

I don’t agree with the advice above to take it easy, you are 26 and have done ACA presumably because you want a career, coasting doesn’t help at your age in this profession.

I also don’t think, if you are otherwise happy in your organisation, that you should throw in the towel at the first sign of a set back. It sounds like you are well thought of and maybe they had to hold some people back this year or maybe they genuinely think you would benefit from another year where you are, maybe next year you will realise that you did too.

When I was training for the first few years, my face didn’t seem to fit and I felt overlooked at times, but I stuck with it and I soon came across people in the same organisation that did see my potential and I was soon on track. By the time I was 30 my career was going great. Pick yourself up, dust yourself down and keep going.

I can understand how you feel. The thing is, for big companies it really is inexcusable to manage promotions badly. It sounds as though your company have not managed your expectations at all (I hate that phrase but it fits here).

How easy will it be to find a new position? An easy, well paid job sounds like a rare and beautiful thing right now.

Is the expectation that you will be promoted in the next round?

Before you do anything, take some time. Tell your line manager that you are extremely disappointed and that you hadn’t anticipated that your promotion wouldn’t have happened. You don’t need to make a lot of drama but it is okay to not be okay.

The worst promotion round I ever had was when I was promoted. My line manager forgot that I and another person were meant to be promoted and got defensive. We got promoted but it was a sneaky, under the table job. I ended up getting left off the central, worldwide list of promotions (these were published for all promotions over a certain level), negotiating with payroll to get my increase and feeling like shit.

The promotion round is expensive. Doing it badly erodes employees’ goodwill (even if they are actually promoted).

In a normal year I would have been promoted, I was told. Everyone else has been promoted, some doubles. As a result, people less qualified than me and younger are now above me (as they began as grads). For the job you need to be ACA qualified, grads do this in their first 3 years. I have been qualified for 2 years, so that's what I mean by qualified.

I was going to tell you that lots of these types of organisations are holding back promotions etc and it's irritating but not weird (I got promoted at a big bank v quickly luckily as no one basically got promoted for the next five years). However, the above suggests that it is just you. I think you need to be honest - is it genuinely just you or is it that the vast bulk of people have not got promoted and just a few very high performers have?

Because if promotions seem to be happening as normal elsewhere, then yes, I'd say it is you. That does not mean you're not good at your job, but does mean that perhaps there is something you're lacking that is the problem. Ideally, this is something concrete and you ca ask for specific and detailed feedback with a plan as to how to overcome it. That's best case.

Unfortunately, this could also be nebulous and, sadly, it's very possible that there's some old fashioned misogyny or some other form of bias going on. Plus of course, graduates probably have various internal champions and mentors that perhaps you have not established.

Ultimately, you need to work out what has happened and then try to develop a plan to overcome it. Do you need to find someone internally to champion you? Do you have some specific skills to mater? etc.

I wouldn't worry about what your title is, I would worry about what your salary is, as that is the actual point of going to work.

Maybe as you came in as a lateral hirer your salary is higher than these grades.

Obviously if you are feeling badly treated put together a plan to get the most out of the company, then switch to another company, but the grass isn't always greener.

Another one not agreeing with the "you've got it easy- sit back" kind of advice. You need to address this.

You say you were told you would benefit from another year in your current role/grade - have performance issues ever been mentioned at any reviews? If yes, then I can maybe see why they could justify holding you back....if not, then there is room here for a challenge. Is your performance at/above the level expected of you, do you take on extra work/projects - can you show the benefits of these.

What CPD opportunities have you had/undertaken this year? How doe. They compare to your cohort? What feedback gave you had on how you have used new skills in your job etc? Have you used existing/current skills to help mentor/develop others? Can you demonstrate this and show benefits?

Re: others being doubly promoted - what is the ratio of male to female? Can you show that you have been disadvantaged due to sex?

Are those in charge of promotions aware of your qualifications/experience compared to others. If not, raise your profile, sell your skills and make people know what you are capable of. Aldi, ask why those mess qualified have been promoted.....maybe not that bluntly, but ask why your skills/experience seem to count for less....why is this, what can you do differently etc to showcase your skills.

Make a noise .....don't take this lying down.....and start looking round for a new job.

@Cautionsharpblade

This happened to me. There was nothing wrong with my work or my ranking within my peer group. It was a very male dominated industry and happened in a ‘difficult’ year when promotions weren’t automatic. It made me realise nobody was prepared to champion me. I took a week’s holiday while I waited until my bonus was in my account and handed in my notice

This is so close to home. I do not fit in in the slightest. I am one of few females, and one of the 2% who didn't go to a private school in my department. I always feel like an outsider.

@NeverTrustaRabbit

Another one not agreeing with the "you've got it easy- sit back" kind of advice. You need to address this.

You say you were told you would benefit from another year in your current role/grade - have performance issues ever been mentioned at any reviews? If yes, then I can maybe see why they could justify holding you back....if not, then there is room here for a challenge. Is your performance at/above the level expected of you, do you take on extra work/projects - can you show the benefits of these.

What CPD opportunities have you had/undertaken this year? How doe. They compare to your cohort? What feedback gave you had on how you have used new skills in your job etc? Have you used existing/current skills to help mentor/develop others? Can you demonstrate this and show benefits?

Re: others being doubly promoted - what is the ratio of male to female? Can you show that you have been disadvantaged due to sex?

Are those in charge of promotions aware of your qualifications/experience compared to others. If not, raise your profile, sell your skills and make people know what you are capable of. Aldi, ask why those mess qualified have been promoted.....maybe not that bluntly, but ask why your skills/experience seem to count for less....why is this, what can you do differently etc to showcase your skills.

Make a noise .....don't take this lying down.....and start looking round for a new job.

My Big 4 experience was not what this field is, but the ACA is. They headhunted me from my previous role, so they knew what my skills were. There are not many experienced hires, but those that are have been promoted so far, but not sure about this year (it is due to timings of when you joined for the last round).

An example is that my friend, who has same background as me, was promoted last year to the level I was hoping to get, despite having been at the company 5 months. I joined with 3 months of experience by the time promotions were being viewed, and they said that's the cut off. I was told I deserved it but they can't always justify it because of how late I was joining. They then said I'd most likely get a double promotion this year - which I didn't get - I didn't get a thing.

I had good feedback. The main issue is work really. It is project based, you are assigned projects. Other people had better opportunities than I did because I didn't get put on as much as them or projects that allow me to showcase my skills.

Those that get the best projects are those that have been there longer (i.e. grads) and have built rapport with those high up (always men). For example, we were potentially working on a Premier League Football Club, everyone who got involved was male, no women were included. Typical.

It's totally normal to feel upset, disappointed and defeated, but the mature and professional way to deal with the situation is not to go in the defensive, assume that it's a big scam worked out of complete unfairness.

Instead, consider the possibility that maybe, there was something lacking from the way you undertook your duties, something your not conscious off and that you still need to learn about.

It will show you much more in a positive light if you take the 'ouch it hurts but fair enough, I'll take the point' approach than going in a sulk and making accusations. Go and ask your mentor what you can do to i.prove on and insure next year you get promoted by two levels which might mean you find yourself at the sane place you might have been anyway.

Other people had better opportunities than I did because I didn't get put on as much as them or projects that allow me to showcase my skills
If you think there was a prejudice in the way projects were delivered, you should have raised this sooner in a productive way. You should have challenged why you were not chosen and either taken constructive criticism or raised a grievance.

I've read almost this exact thread before, but I don't remember enough details to search and find it. Does anybody else? I think it was quite long and could help the OP.

Hi OP, I have worked in many roles in multinational organisations over many years and my best (female) friend is a CFO in a global firm. I am sorry to say but you are coming across as defensive and a bit defeatist. I worked in male-dominated industries and there were times when being the only female held me back, but I always looked to the next opportunity. YOU are the one who makes your opportunities - even with the worst project, if you are the best performer or offer a new way of doing business, you will get noticed.

You seem to have a complex about your gender and your schooling, but surely, if you were headhunted, you have a value to the company.

I would ask for a review with your line manager, I would write it all down and give OBJECTIVE feedback to the manager and ask them for objective feedback on what you need to do to ensure you are not passed over a second time. Take all of the emotion out of it - point to the work you have done, shine a light on it and in the meantime - you need to work harder to be seen in the company - and that means actually working harder and not "getting on the shiniest project".

Good luck OP.

My advice would be to ask for their feedback. If they did not think you should be promoted then, where exactly have you shown you lack experience, if it is a properly considered decision it should be easy for them to give examples. I'd also ask how they are going to help you gain that experience over the next year. I have been in a similar situation, and found when I challenged it, there was no real reason for me being overlooked, and I suddenly found there was a lot of support thrown my way.

If you honestly think that there's a preference for promoting and giving opportunities to men instead of women then you need to bring that to someone's attention.

As to your situation in general I think most of us have been through this at some point.

At one company I was annoyed to find the young grads hired earned more and were given more opportunities then I got despite the fact I was better educated than any of them - but my last degree was recent enough. And then I overheard one of them explaining to another new grad recruit "you'll have to work everything out yourself as no one here is bright enough to train anyone and they refuse to show us grads anything anyway". this is the guy I spent a whole week showing how to use our systems and what all the processes were when he started.

Depends what stage in life you are at. If you want to ‘embrace the easiness’ while you buy a flat or whatever, do that.

If you don’t, then I would a) go see your boss boss and say (very positively) that you understand there are reasons etc but you really don’t want your career to be compromised - how can you make your you make up the lost time, can you get on any mentor schemes, training etc - and try and winkle out anything that may have counted against you - if you are positive, he’s more likely to be honest. and b) start looking for another job. That way you are covered to keep your progression going if that’s what you want. But in this climate don’t jump till you have something.

It’s only a mini blip - it will not impact on your career long term, so try and see it in that light.

Why on earth would you be feeling worthless? That's just nonsense. No-one is guaranteed a promotion! A bit bruising, sure, especially if it's the first time things haven't gone your way, but there will be plenty of other opportunities if you're good enough.

I had good feedback. The main issue is work really. It is project based, you are assigned projects. Other people had better opportunities than I did because I didn't get put on as much as them or projects that allow me to showcase my skills.

In this case, it's time for a discussion with your line manager about how disappointed you were not to be promoted and what you actually need to demonstrate to be promoted. It is not good enough for them to just not give you enough suitable projects and then fail to promote you. If you need to demonstrate that you have skills in XYZ (I am an actuary, not an accountant) then you expect to be first in line for projects that would allow you to do so.

From what you've written, I'm wondering whether the senior colleagues are cherry picking people they've worked with before and got on well with. This doesn't have to be a male / female or a state / private thing but it is important that it doesn't carry on.

The fact others who have less experience than you, but have been promoted to above you, makes me think it was not a cost saving decision. I am really sorry OP, I get how much this hurts, and would feel exactly the same.

@feelingworthless76 hmm it was a bit of a boys’ club. Trips to lap-dancing bars and days out shooting were the norm. I was one of few females and there was no senior female role model I could see myself as in the future. I’d just got married and I know privately everyone was expecting me to have a baby, then do the decent thing and leave. I didn’t have a baby, but I did leave. Don’t miss it for a minute, though I sometimes have anxiety dreams where I’m back there.

You could use the opportunity to let them know how disappointed you are and ask for help advancing your career in the coming year with an eye to next year’s promotion (who knows, it might be a double). To be fair to my employer, someone did offer me this and it would have helped to have a complete bastard as a champion, but my heart wasn’t in it. You could take it on the chin, it’s only a year in a long career and in the future it won’t matter a jot. Or you could use it as an opportunity to look elsewhere. I know how you feel though, I felt totally humiliated and cried all night.

@HeyDemonsItsYaGirl

I've read almost this exact thread before, but I don't remember enough details to search and find it. Does anybody else? I think it was quite long and could help the OP.

Me too. The OP of the other thread was both a woman and an ethnic minority and believed both of these things had held her back in the private school old boys club. Everybody else got promoted except her. The person marking her appraisal held her to a ridiculous standard saying he couldn't award her 9 out of 10, as that's an impossible target, even though other employees were getting 9 out of 10 from their appraisers.

OP I really feel for you and it sounds difficult. Do you have a mentor or a more senior person within the company who you could speak to about this? Approach it from a 'what can I do in future to ensure I am not held back again?' Angle.

Do not take it personally and dont sulk about it - prove to them why you are worth it, look at what you could move to elsewhere and build your case for 6m time.

That's too bad but please try not to take it personally!!! A year will go by in a flash and if you don't get promoted again next year then maybe think about looking elsewhere.