Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think it would be nice to have someone talk to.

38 replies

DisneyDamsel89 · 28/02/2021 23:55

Hi!

I feel a bit embarrassed to admit this but I don't really have any friends, I have a few fairweather friends and some that send me the occasional message but not much more.

It didn't really bother me too much before covid struck but I have had time to think about it more over the last year and it actually makes me feel quite sad.

I'm 32, I'm married with children. Both of my parents are alive. Don't get me wrong I talk to them but they have their own lives obviously. My Dad works a lot and my Mum isn't that talkative and mainly likes to talk about herself or bitch about other people.

My DH isn't one for talking either. He gets quite moody and likes to sit in silence quite often.

I find myself scouring Mumsnet or Instagram some nights just to feel like I'm part of a conversation! I don't even need anything full on to talk about, I'd settle for talking about how effective Fairy tablets are in the laundry laughs

Does anyone else feel like this?

OP posts:
gerbilfur · 01/03/2021 00:06

Hey OP

I know where you are coming from, I have friends but since Covid it's not been the same, WhatsApp face calls are all very well and good but it's not the same.

It's easy to feel isolated at times like these. I hope you're ok. It will hopefully get better soon.

Disneyvillain · 01/03/2021 00:27

Yep pretty much the same as you, no real friends. We lived abroad for a while and weren’t back long before covid struck so I didn’t get the chance to meet anyone here. I’m older than you OP and feel like it’s probably too late for me to make new friends anyway. I hope you find someone to connect with once we’re allowed out again xx

FuckyouBrennan · 01/03/2021 00:31

That sounds rubbish OP. My 2 closest friends are NHS nurses so I have spoke to them much less frequently than usual this past year. Obviously haven’t seen them much either, only on the occasional school runs.
I’m also married with DC & I’m 30. How old are your DC and do you work?
The lack of adult conversation is really difficult in lockdown! X

strudsespark · 01/03/2021 00:48

Feel sort of the same op, when talking to friends it's covid this covid that, restrictions restrictions, I actually have to pull myself together to talk on the phone sometimes.

I could do with some normal boring conversation... so how effective are your Fairy tablets? Grin.

Original poster
DisneyDamsel89 · 01/03/2021 01:13

@strudsespark They are pretty effective actually! And those only ones I can use without my skin breaking out!!

@FuckyouBrennan My kids are 14, 8 and 5. I'm a freelance writer.

OP posts:
Original poster
DisneyDamsel89 · 01/03/2021 01:14

@Disneyvillain Oh no! You're never too old for friends Flowers

OP posts:
strudsespark · 01/03/2021 01:22

I'm glad atleast those fairy tablets are working out for you if nothing else Grin.

Never tried them, I'm in Scandinavia and they are not very hyped/common here. We're also one hour ahead of you, so I'm off to bed.
Have a good night Smile.

FrankButchersDickieBow · 01/03/2021 02:01

Yanbu OP. When I was younger, I had tonnes of friends, but my dad died when I was in my early 20's and I became very withdrawn. When I was ready to get back into my friendship group, they had all moved on. Relationships, kids etc.

Luckily I have lots of sisters and our friendship groups always kind of intermingled, but i have a couple of people I could count as 'my' friends. And I am ashamed to say, I don't put very much effort in.

I'm also married with one DC. I have lots of acquaintances, but no bezzies really apart from my sisters.

I share their friends.

Lockdown has really made me feel like I need to put myself out there more and make more effort.

My siblings and my mum all have loads of mates and are 'socially successful', if that is a thing.

But yanbu. I get it.

Eliards2012 · 01/03/2021 02:56

Hi OP,

I know exactly what you mean. I feel sad that I don’t have any one just to chat to. I’m close to my parents, but that generally involves helping them out etc.

My dh doesn’t talk much, and sometimes it feels so lonely. I spend so much time on Mumsnet just reading conversations.

I have a sister who I don’t get on well with and all my dhs family are abroad and we just don’t have the same things to chat about, plus it’s not the same with a language barrier.

So .. I’ll be your friend Smile

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 01/03/2021 03:23

Yup! I feel very similar. No siblings, no cousins close in age. I relied on work friends and school mum friends but haven’t really been able to see either over this past year. It can feel very lonely.

Fairyliz · 01/03/2021 07:41

Be careful what you wish for! I have a few friends and relatives who contact me and to be honest it always turns into one long moanfest at the moment. I end up even more miserable than before I started talking to them.

Original poster
DisneyDamsel89 · 01/03/2021 12:49

@Fairyliz I think I've actually gotten to the stage where I'd take that to be honest Grin I don't mind listening to people's problems, I would even enjoy chronic grumbling at the minute!

@Justyouwaitandseeagain I have a brother but he's such a knob that we don't have a relationship at all. I watch Gogglebox and I always get really envious of the sibling relationship on there between the brother and sister.

@FrankButchersDickieBow Yeah I know what you mean. My Mum has loads of friends, she always has had. If she wanted a chat there's always someone she could phone.

OP posts:
Sosigsandwich · 01/03/2021 12:57

I'm very fortunate to have a number of good friends and lockdown seems to have really cemented some of them.

I always like a good natter if you ever want @disneydamsel89??

Usernxvbcg · 01/03/2021 19:30

I understand what you are saying op.

I am married with dc but relationship is not in a good place sadly. Evenings are spent reading/watching TV or more usually on mumsnet where I feel at least partially engaged with others.

I don't have any extended family. I have a brother but he is narcissistic and we are not in touch. I am a sahm pretty isolated from day to day outside of covid. But covid has given me a massive wake up call that I need to try and form some connections and I'm going to try and go out at least a couple of evenings a month when restrictions ease. I have one good friend whom I'm in touch with via messenger but I feel in danger of bothering her since I don't have anyone else to talk to. I feel a bit lost at the moment and don't have much confidence. I am also waiting for some counselling to start (face to face) hoping this will help.

Original poster
DisneyDamsel89 · 01/03/2021 20:34

@Usernxvbcg I know what you mean about feeling lost. I feel like that too. Covid has made me realise that I really wasn't living at all before and that I do need to get out and live when we are able. I hope that your counselling helps Flowers

OP posts:
Original poster
DisneyDamsel89 · 01/03/2021 20:36

@Sosigsandwich That would be lovely, thank you :-)

OP posts:
ItsAllBlahBlahBlah · 01/03/2021 20:41

I'm in the same boat as you OP. I'm 34, I live very close to my family who are all lovely but lead their own lives. I have two dc who are 1 and 3. I have been on maternity leave through covid and have realised in double time that I have no friends. Its been such a struggle this year as if I as atleast at work on would have had colleagues to speak to whilst making tea, that kind of thing (without covid obv) but it's been so lonely. I return to work this week although set to be perm wfh now. I am worried I won't have any grown up company minus DH for a long time Sad

I hope you are OK

wiltingflower · 01/03/2021 20:47

I've posted similar before, lockdown has really opened me up to how few close friends and contacts I have. I have downloaded bumble (for friendship) but not really joined yet so can't comment on how well it works. Wouldn't it be nice if there was a way to do online blind dating but for friendship, it would maximise chances of meeting friends on a similar wavelength.

Notanotherhun · 01/03/2021 21:05

I feel the same. It makes me so frustrated when I see how antisocial some people can be on Mumsnet when it comes to trying to talk and get to know people such as neighbours. It turns out they all have their own lives, nobody owes you friendship, everybody wants to keep to themselves and show zero interest. Not all but a lot of recent comments have made such points. I really don't know how people make friends in real life past university, meaningful ones that go beyond trivialities. It's like you can't expect a shoulder to cry on because that makes you "needy" or "self centred" or whatever. I give up.

WednesdayalltheWay · 01/03/2021 21:08

Yanbu OP.
Friendship takes a lot of work, it's really an investment. Often circumstances make it difficult. But it's so worth it.

Bluebeeee · 01/03/2021 21:15

I am the same OP. Lockdown I think has really made people realise who their true friends are and who they kept in touch with. And it turns out very few people want to keep in touch with me! I actually feel a bit embarrassed by how few people ever contact me to say hi. Mums who I say hi to at the school gate don’t count as friends obviously. I am lucky I have my sister we have become much closer this year.

Midnightstar76 · 01/03/2021 21:20

I am so fed up of not having any friends. I have however took the plunge and reached out to a couple of old school friends. It’s me doing all the leg work of messaging though so I don’t know how it will turn out. They haven’t totally ignored my messages though so that’s ok. I am 44 and yep it is blinking difficult to make and have friends. I am fortunate to have a DH and two children but still I do feel lonely. I am so envious of folks who have friends

wiltingflower · 01/03/2021 21:46

There's quite a few of us who seem to feel similarly so going to put it out there, feel free to message me if you fancy a chat 🙂.

Bluebeeee · 01/03/2021 22:01

Yes I also come on mumsnet just to be part of a conversation and check out what other people think of tv prog etc.

JamBagel · 01/03/2021 22:22

Another one here who feels exactly the same! Before Covid I worked in an office and felt as though the day-to-day interaction I'd get there, even though I wasn't very close with any of them, was enough for me. Now I've changed jobs and work from home full time and I've realised that actually I am quite lonely and feel very isolated. I have a partner, though he's been unwell, and my parents live about an hour away so unfortunately I won't be able to meet up with them for a walk any time soon. I do have a couple of friends but we're not incredibly close and sadly I don't feel like I could be honest and open with them, and they don't live near me either.

Is anyone planning to do anything after lockdown to try to make new friends? I'm going to try to find something, but I'm not sure what - maybe an art club or a book club or some volunteering. I'd just love a friend close by who I could go out for coffee with on a whim.