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Original poster

To hate my DH and life

42 replies

Amiaeful86 · 28/02/2021 17:34

So I know I sound awful but I don’t think I can keep going. My DH is good in the fact he contributes to all the bills etc but everything about him drives me mental.
He has his kids 50/50 but doesn’t do anything for them - doesn’t ply with them, buy them clothes or discipline them. Today he has sorted his DS clothes and said he has put grown a lot of them and why haven’t I bought more- I have my own 3 DC to buy for and don’t have the income despite working long hours to provide full clothes for 2 extra children it wouldn’t be so bad if he bought some for all then me but he never has.
His DC behaviour is horrible his DD leaves the room as soon as I walk in and his DS is affecting my DS health (additional needs) as is so loud and allowed to do what he wants. My DH is completely unaware as is constantly playing his Xbox and tunes out to it!
Today I have worked and between that done the washing, cleaning, walked dogs, made dinner and at the last min he asks did I want help with dinner! Everyday is the same and I don’t know how much more I can take I dread having his kids here as I have so much extra work and with a full time job and course I just don’t have the time to spare.
On the flip side I feel awful that if I say enough him and the kids will have no where to go and I will have to move to a cheaper house

OP posts:
notdaddycool · 28/02/2021 17:39

A cheaper happier house will be better for your kids. If it’s worth saving... Don’t buy clothes for them their mum can then have that argument with him. Next time he asks if you want help with dinner say he can do it tomorrow. No idea on behaviour, sorry.

Original poster
Amiaeful86 · 28/02/2021 17:52

There mum won’t provide clothes for here we have to provide everything uniform, clothes, trainers, lunch boxes. Things like uniform and bag I even suggested they went half’s and it went between but she refused.
Also it’s not lack of money he just wastes his money on Xbox crap and his hobby and actually earns a lot more than me per month I am just careful and budget as obviously if he had no money and they needed something I wouldn’t refuse.
But I do all the food, lunch box shopping and it’s costing me a small fortune but the stress when they arrive. We have already had screaming and shouting from his DS 4 times today as he was asked to tidy his mess and at 8 I don’t think that’s too much to ask which caused my sensory impaired son to withdraw for 2 hours with his ear defenders as he couldn’t cope. DH also won’t tell him not to go in my DS room despite this and he goes in and trashed it too and said now he has to tidy a mess which I ended up doing as there was no way my son was and this was the second day in a row!

OP posts:
Original poster
Amiaeful86 · 28/02/2021 17:53

The sad fact is my DSs adore there stepdad and love being around him

OP posts:
gamerchick · 28/02/2021 17:54

Sounds like you and yours would be happier in your own house and leave the lazy fucker to sort his own shit out OP. Your son relies on you and doesn't have a choice.

Ileflottante · 28/02/2021 20:10

Please protect yourself and your kids from this shitty, miserable situation. Leave.

TheLumpySofaCushion · 28/02/2021 20:15

Sounds very, very stressful for you, OP.

Have you talked to your DH seriously and let him know you're at breaking point?

LouiseTrees · 28/02/2021 20:20

Once his kids go to their mums pull your DH into the garden and let rip. Say that you love those kids but he is their parent not you, if he’s not interested looking after them at all then he shouldn’t have them round. Say the same goes for your shared kids ( if there are any) when you inevitably kick him out for not pulling his weight.

Thehop · 28/02/2021 20:20

You and your children would be so so much happier away from this.

1Morewineplease · 28/02/2021 20:27

You'd be much happier without this situation.
You need to have a serious conversation with him and tell him that it can't go on any longer.
💐

toocold54 · 28/02/2021 20:30

If you’re not happy then leave. Life is way too short to be unhappy.

TheyIsMyFamily · 28/02/2021 20:32

You and your children would be a lot better off in a quiet home without your useless husband and his bratty children. He can still see them ... and he'll actually have to do his own heavy lifting when he does, as well as with his own children.

I'd start making plans to go if it was me. Good luck.

HollowTalk · 28/02/2021 20:36

His DC behaviour is horrible his DD leaves the room as soon as I walk in and his DS is affecting my DS health (additional needs) as is so loud and allowed to do what he wants. My DH is completely unaware as is constantly playing his Xbox and tunes out to it!

I couldn't live like that. It sounds as though the only reason you're staying is financial, but even then he's eating into your money.

Why is this not enough for you to leave?

Ponypizzy · 28/02/2021 20:39

Take a hammer to that fucking Xbox (did I just say that out loud)

WilsonMilson · 28/02/2021 20:41

I don’t know how you can put up with that situation, I think you’re allowing yourself to be a complete mug. It’s admirable that you’re taking better care of these children than their actual dad. He sounds like a waste of space.

I couldn’t be married to someone like that. At the very least you need to lay it on the line to him that things must change.

frazzledasarock · 28/02/2021 20:44

LTB.

You’re the household skivvy and cash cow.

What’s the point in your H at all, apart from adding to your work and expenditure load?

MrsComte · 28/02/2021 20:49

I don't get why he's asking you if you've bought clothes.

Why hasn't he? Did you ask him? Does he buy clothes for your DS?

TheLaughingGenome · 28/02/2021 20:49

I think 'adore' is a much over-used word on MN.

2021isalsorubbish · 28/02/2021 20:51

Bit harsh but act like a doormat and he’ll carry on wiping his feet on you. What role model do you want to be to your kids? I’d rather live in a cheap house with a happy mum

MrsBrunch · 28/02/2021 20:55

So stop.

Move out and give your children a calmer home.

Maddison12 · 28/02/2021 21:10

If any child trashed my son's room they wouldn't be welcome back until they had learned basic manners. End of.

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 28/02/2021 21:15

If someone brings you more misery than joy, it is time to jump ship

VladmirsPoutine · 28/02/2021 21:17

This whole set up sounds bloody chaotic. How often do you have his kids over?

So in total there are 5 kids between you both? Do you have any children together?

converseandjeans · 28/02/2021 21:25

I think you would be better off without him. Agree with everyone else.

NotAgainNoMore · 28/02/2021 21:43

I don't understand why you're still with him. Honestly, apart from contributing to bills, what other benefits does he bring?
You buy all the food for everyone and you're expected to buy his kids clothes! Oh dear, he's taken you for a mug.
How long has this been going on? Is it your house, in your name only?

Original poster
Amiaeful86 · 28/02/2021 21:45

We don’t have any children together so he has his 2 DC and I have my 3 DC. My youngest 2 adore him and he seems to engage and play with them a lot more than his own children but he doesn’t seem to understand if he tackled his children’s behaviour it would be easier.

No he doesn’t buy my kids clothes and I was buying his but stopped as it was a one way street and I can’t financially afford it for and will always put my children first

OP posts:
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