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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To hate my DH and life

42 replies

Amiaeful86 · 28/02/2021 17:34

So I know I sound awful but I don’t think I can keep going. My DH is good in the fact he contributes to all the bills etc but everything about him drives me mental.
He has his kids 50/50 but doesn’t do anything for them - doesn’t ply with them, buy them clothes or discipline them. Today he has sorted his DS clothes and said he has put grown a lot of them and why haven’t I bought more- I have my own 3 DC to buy for and don’t have the income despite working long hours to provide full clothes for 2 extra children it wouldn’t be so bad if he bought some for all then me but he never has.
His DC behaviour is horrible his DD leaves the room as soon as I walk in and his DS is affecting my DS health (additional needs) as is so loud and allowed to do what he wants. My DH is completely unaware as is constantly playing his Xbox and tunes out to it!
Today I have worked and between that done the washing, cleaning, walked dogs, made dinner and at the last min he asks did I want help with dinner! Everyday is the same and I don’t know how much more I can take I dread having his kids here as I have so much extra work and with a full time job and course I just don’t have the time to spare.
On the flip side I feel awful that if I say enough him and the kids will have no where to go and I will have to move to a cheaper house

OP posts:
Youseethethingis · 28/02/2021 21:55

Are you really contemplating missing the rest of your kids childhoods while you skivvy for this useless lump and his brats?

GabsAlot · 28/02/2021 22:00

you dont sound awful you sounds like youre being dumped on
theyre his children why is he not buying theyre clothes ffs-im not saynig dont include them of course but theyre not your respobility-he cant have them and fuck off somewhere

You have to have words especially about the behaviour towards you and your children-youre not the paid nanny

lioncitygirl · 28/02/2021 22:03

God. Your poor children! Leave op.

Laggartha · 28/02/2021 22:04

What was he like in the years before you got married?

Beforethetakingoftoastandt3a · 28/02/2021 22:10

The sad fact is my DSs adore there stepdad and love being around him

No they dont. One retreated for two hours due to your dh’s behaviour.

Original poster
Amiaeful86 · 28/02/2021 22:19

He retreated due to my husband’s DS behaviour and the 50% of the time we don’t have them my son is the happiest playing with my husband and doing things together- if it was awful all the time I would of gone already.
I know your all right i think it’s a case of sounding it out as I know I will be made to feel the bad guy by him and his ex. His DS has been up and down all night and will regularly scream at night to be taken to the toilet and wake the whole house which means I barely sleep again due to effect on my child and his needs- our DS are 2 months apart age wise so I don’t think I am unrealistic with behaviour expectations.

OP posts:
BakedTattie · 28/02/2021 22:22

Take the Xbox and smash it to Smithereens. The thing team your ‘d’h to step up and be a parent as you are off for a long hot Bath. Fucking prick.

Beforethetakingoftoastandt3a · 28/02/2021 22:30

He retreated due to my husband’s DS behaviour
Which your dh does nothing about. Your dh is the problem.

nimbuscloud · 28/02/2021 22:32

You need to put your children first and split from this man. He brings nothing to your lives.

sonnysunshine · 28/02/2021 22:37

Who is the most important people in your life? Prioritise those. Now.

Hankunamatata · 28/02/2021 23:01

He needs to be giving you lots more bill money so you can put it to one side to cover his kids costs for a start.

DianaT1969 · 28/02/2021 23:03

I sense you aren't going to leave and I think I've read your other posts about this.
So try one more time to get through to your x-box playing large child. In the same way that we sometimes manage a child before leaving the house by giving our expectations of behaviour and consequences/rewards, say to him, "tomorrow you have to hoover and make spaghetti Bolognese for dinner. After that, you need to spend quality time with your children until 9pm." Rinse and repeat.

Hankunamatata · 28/02/2021 23:04

What happens when you address his childrens behaviour directly?

Sunhoop · 28/02/2021 23:08

This is why I would be exceptionally wary before getting involved with a man with young DC - there'll be a reason his wife got rid of him when the kids were young! Grown men playing with their Xbox while their DC go without Envy

Wouldn't be arsed hanging on to this one OP! You've no DC together - should be a nice clean break.

RAOK · 28/02/2021 23:09

It sounds like you’ve got 6 children judging by your husband’s behaviour.

Flipswhitefudge · 28/02/2021 23:11

Protect your kids, you are harming their mental health by staying.

Fireflygal · 28/02/2021 23:18

How old are the children? How long have you been together?

5 dc will be highly stressful especially if your H won't work with you or share the workload.

Re clothes, you need to have a budget for his dc and ensure that he pays into a regular account. Add up the costs over a year and divide by 12.
Has lockdown been a factor or is this the default behavior? I think his 8 year old is crying out for attention from his dad.

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