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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to ask you if she sounds like a typical 8 ear old.

74 replies

2021notgoingtoplan · 28/02/2021 16:19

I’m preparing my middle DC to return to school.
A few things that was suggested to me what that we need to work on her being less passive. She also may benefit from maturing in terms of interests so she has things in common with her piers.

Now she has only just turned 8 she is a sweet kind natured girl. Would not say boo to a ghost and loves loves making friends but does struggle with speech / confidence.
She would do anything for her friends as such wanting to make 2 world book day costumes one for her friend as she knows she won’t have one.
Getting upset when Booked a suprise party for her because it was a place where ( was wasn’t aware of this because she had just started the school ) one of her friends wouldn’t be able to join in due to mobility.
She is girly, she isn’t very good at sport, she enjoys singing, dancing etc she does play computer games which she loves but for instance she wouldn’t play a game like I think it’s called piggy ? She says she doesn’t like it because it’s gross.
She watches Disney movies especially the animal based ones. She has recently just got in to watching high school musical and descendants. She still loves her dolls and soft toys mainly our generation, descendant dolls, schliech horses.
She mainly still watches tv programmes wise
Miraculous, go teen Titans, barbies dreamhouse and spirit however she will sit and watch Sofia the first and paw patrol still !
She liked wearing flowery dresses and sparkly shoes. She enjoys dressing up in costumes and still loves frozen especially Anna.
Is any of this sooo far behind a just turned 8 year old so much that she would stick out amongst other her peers
I’ve never really worried about it before until I was told.
Thank you.

OP posts:

Lollyneenah · 28/02/2021 17:56

Sounds exactly like mine

PinkyU · 28/02/2021 18:05

I’d be interested to know who has told you the things your dd likes are not age appropriate?

Your dd sounds literally the exact same as my just turned 8yo, down to watching Sofia. My little girl is just this minute playing with her schliech pick up truck and favourite connemara pony.

Xmasbaby11 · 28/02/2021 18:07

She sounds v similar to my just turned 9yo dd in Y4. She has ASD and is not as mature as her peers. I would say this is the time when they start to be move away from toys - her friends have similar interests but some girls in her class are becoming more interested in computer games and social media. I would be happy she is still relatively innocent! At 8 she's not being left behind.

impossible · 28/02/2021 18:13

She sounds delightful and completely normal. Tell her to keep being herself and in time she will find friends perfect for her because she is true to herself. Don't let her feel in any way she's not matching up

tinseloatcake · 28/02/2021 18:13

I have an 8 and 9 to and there is no Roblox here, no miraculous, Barbie's or titans whatever they are.

Isn't high school musical also about teens in love / kissing etc? None of that either. I don't imagine they would be interested at all

partyatthepalace · 28/02/2021 18:13

She seems fine to me interests wise.

Your description of her reminds me a lot of my niece! - she's a bit older now but was very little girly for a long time and struggled a bit with speech, confidence, joining in.

I wouldn't worry about her interests at all, but perhaps something like stage coach would be good for assertiveness and confidence? Might also help with speech?

WarriorN · 28/02/2021 18:14

She sounds completely normal. I was still into Sylvianian families when 10, though more like dolls house arranging.

Caught ds, 8, y3, watching and enjoying baby shark the other day (there's loads of the fuckers). And a paw patrol he hadn't seen.

WarriorN · 28/02/2021 18:15

Right now he's being the puppy while his younger brother is the owner

Foxhasbigsocks · 28/02/2021 18:16

Totally normal

lordalmighty · 28/02/2021 18:18

She sounds like a lovely, kind friend. My DD is 7 and is similar in regards to being quite passive - I really worried about it when she started school but in actual fact she does hold her own when need be and it has actually meant she has more friends as she doesn't get into any of the arguments etc - nothing really bothers her! She doesn't play with dolls anymore but has never really been into them to be honest- she prefers art and singing/dancing etc! Your girl sounds lovely, encourage her to keep being herself!

Sandgrown1970 · 28/02/2021 18:22

My friend’s DD is 10 in a couple of months and honestly sounds absolutely identical. She’s in the year group below her age group and has had CAMHS involvement due to early family trauma and is considered completely neurotypical and normal for her age group other than a bit of understandable reactive anxiety. So she’s been assessed a lot and her interests are not considered immature for an almost 10 year old so no reason your dd who is younger should be seen as out of the ordinary in any way.

Weirdbutwonderful · 28/02/2021 18:25

Sounds just like my 8yr old. In fact I've spent my Sunday afternoon handmaking her a new barbie doll outfit to turn her into Raven from Teen Titans Go! She also loves Descendents and so much more that you listed.

Tal45 · 28/02/2021 18:34

I think school handled it badly, saying she needs to be less passive? How do you 'make' someone less passive? How do you even encourage them to be less passive? Being quiet and kind is so under rated in society it seems to me, it drives me mad! Are they saying that she just accepts people being mean to her? If so they need to step in and tackle the children who are unkind as they are the ones with the problem and the teacher needs to make this clear. Another thing that drives me mad, blaming the victim.

Again with the interests thing, did they actually say what interests she should be encouraged into or out of? Are they suggesting you get her a phone and stick her in front of MTV? I think it's such a vague unhelpful comment. xxx

Didiplanthis · 28/02/2021 18:58

Please don't push it, my she sounds where my DD was at 9 let alone 8, my DD is neurotypical, 11 and yr6 and still enjoys her barbies and designer friend dolls although probably wouldn't mention them at school. She is horrified her friends are into boys and hanging round squealing and making noise for the sake of it, and rather than trying to fit in has slid into a much quieter friendship group where she feels comfortable. Her old friends largely have dropped her at school srhough remain out of school friends - she carefully considered her options and decided that was ok she would rather be comfortable.

Interestingly when her 'cool' old friends come round ( when they could) they all play with her dolls at the friend's request 😆

I am quite happy my DD can hold her own at secondary and is secure enough in herself to not be dragged where she doesn't want to go.. she will find her own group.

jillandhersprite · 28/02/2021 19:08

I'm interested to know who has suggested this to you - because I think it says a lot more about them rather than your daughter.
If its the school - I would be concerned.that they are advocating a conform and fit in approach to life and think they are stepping beyond their remit
If its another parent - its probably to make them feel better about the parenting choices they have made and need to get everyone else doing the same
If its family - then I suspect this is not the first attempt at interference

Either way I think you're daughter sounds fine. Yes she may need some support for another transition from home back to school - but that support is good chats and how to deal with feelings - (and certainly not pressure to give up happy pastimes/toys during the current period of stress for kids and parents)

pastapestoparmesan · 28/02/2021 19:12

I teach Y3, and she sounds perfectly normal and delightful to me.

Andbearsohmy · 28/02/2021 19:13

I teach year 4 and she sounds like some of the girls in my class 😊

Notavegan · 28/02/2021 19:18

a bit noticeable that's she's younger.. no idea about fashion really. I'm very happy she's not dressing up like a teen and is still playing with toys.

Crunchymum · 28/02/2021 19:25

@2021notgoingtoplan

Who has mentioned this to you?

I am wondering where this has come from?

FWIW I have a very "alternative" 8 year old. I play to his strengths and try not to force him to be someone he isn't (for example he isn't sporty at all so opts out of a lot of playtime games, he has thankfully found a few like minded friends!) Its so hard as I want DS to fit in but I know forcing him isn't the answer.

Crappyfridays7 · 28/02/2021 19:30

She sounds a lovely little girl. I was very shy and quiet and perhaps passive at school, that was my nature. You can’t force a child to be someone they are not but you can encourage her to be more confident and praise her to build self esteem. It’ll come I’m sure and she may just be quiet for now but from your post you should be very proud of your daughter - I’ve got boys but work with kids so meet lots of 8 year olds.

audweb · 28/02/2021 19:31

Sounds exactly like my 8 year old. Currently obsessed with descendants but also still watches Sofia and paw patrol. She does play roblox but nothing scary on there. She like clothes and make up, but always has - but not all the time. Still loves barbie and LOL dolls. I just let her go with the flow, her and all her friends seem similar in interests etc.

LemonRoses · 28/02/2021 19:39

Sounds fine. My daughter still likes watching Disney films, loves singing and dancing and Glee. She enjoys dressing up and loves flowery dresses and sparkly shoes. She makes Frozen biscuits and cupcakes quite regularly. She’s 28 and a GP.

ginnybag · 28/02/2021 19:57

Sounds completely fine.

There'll be some as the year ticks down that start to move to phones/trends/etc but far from all.

Enjoy your little girl while you have her. My DD is 11, and most of that has gone now.

SquishySquirmy · 28/02/2021 20:00

She sounds lovely, and completely normal for her age!
She won't like everything every single one of her friends like, but that is normal. Part of maturing is realising that although your interests will hopefully overlap with your friends, they will not be identical.

Reminds me of a google classroom meet my dd (similar age) was on recently. They were talking about things they'd read/done that weekend or whatever, and one of the other girls mentioned reading Peppa pig. Then said "yeah! that's right! I like Peppa pig" with a tone of voice that suggested she'd been teased about it before, but didn't care. I loved her attitude. (Dd said after the call that this girl was one of "the cool ones" in the class, that the boys used to tease her about Peppa pig, but not anymore...)
Loads of kids that age will still like something which certain other kids consider "babyish". Some of them admit to it in front of their peers, others don't and keep it for home. All the things on your list are quite normal for 8 year old girls. But even if they weren't, that's fine too.

Who is suggesting that there is a problem?

babybythesea · 28/02/2021 20:05

Could have been DD1 at 8. DD2 does like Roblox etc but it’s because she sees her sister into it and wants to join in. In other ways she is still very young.
The dancing is interesting. DD1 is 12. When she was 8 she got “You still do ballet? I gave it up ages ago”. As though it was something for little girls. She is still doing ballet and had an audition for BBO not long before lockdown. Is doing exercises in preparation for going on pointe in a couple of years time. Suddenly it’s become something to be admired because of the way she can move and the flexibility she has, not something for little kids any more!

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