Would you ever use exercise as discipline?

[MagdasMadHouse]

So, I've been thinking about discipline techniques, would you ever use exercise as a discipline technique?
I think the sulking thinking chair/space doesn't work for all kids, and that maybe some thinking time whilst doing something more physical might work better? But I don't want to feel like a boot camp drill instructor either! Where's the line? Is it ok to send a teenager for a walk or bike ride, but not send a toddler to do burpees?

It’s one thing to send a teen for a walk to calm down, it’s another to make them run laps because they were rude, messy, etc.

I don’t think exercise should be used as punishment. It’s not something that should be made to be unpleasant in the same way you should avoid children thinking fruit and veg are a punishment.

I wouldn't, for the same reason that I wouldn't use food as discipline. I'd like to foster a good relationship with exercise so it wouldn't be associated with wrongdoing.

Yes I can see the difficulty in relating exercise with wrong doing, but also think a child who is violent, for example, might benefit from expending their angry energy in a better way.
When I am angry or stressed I like to walk, run or swim. Something solitary and where I can set the pace. Or sometimes I use that energy to get a job done like the hoovering.

What you’re describing isn’t discipline though. It’s providing a safe outlet for frustration where no one gets hurt, physically or mentally.

@MagdasMadHouse

Yes I can see the difficulty in relating exercise with wrong doing, but also think a child who is violent, for example, might benefit from expending their angry energy in a better way. When I am angry or stressed I like to walk, run or swim. Something solitary and where I can set the pace. Or sometimes I use that energy to get a job done like the hoovering.

That's not discipline, though.

Then nor is being sent to your bedroom to think about what you have done? It's a discipline technique, to send them to calm down.

No, because it's hard enough for people to exercise without connecting it in their head with punishment.

I think it's better to use exercise as a way of pre empting poor behaviour.

You hear of abuse cases where children have to perform ridiculous exercise tasks for some bullying father/step father.

So it would be a no from me I think. But agree it's tricky as nowadays sending a child to their room isn't quite what it was when we were children. They have much nicer bedrooms with stuff to do in there.

I think exercise should be a positive thing to do.

I don't mean punishment, I mean discipline. Which are two completely different things.

Depends what their relationship with exercise is like already. It was a common minor punishment at my school but they never did it to anyone that it would have been truly punitive for.

Discipline definition: verb
train (someone) to obey rules or a code of behaviour, using punishment to correct disobedience.

Punishment is the removal of belongings or grounding or (in abuse cases) physical punishment.

What you’re describing is thinking time or cooling off time. It’s not discipline to think about your actions but there be no real consequences.

Maybe I don't discipline my kids at all then, idk. I remove them from the situation, give them time to reflect/get out of emotionally heightened/ dysregulated state, before talking to them about what they have done wrong (in an age appropriate way) and what they can do to rectify it (apologise and/or make a suitable amends). What I was considering was instead of sending them to spend time alone to reflect/calm down instead giving them some time to exercise.

Maybe foster a love of exercise when they are not angry rather than using it as a discipline or punishment.

@MagdasMadHouse

I’m not saying you should punish your children. I don’t punish my DD1 as such. We talk about the consequences of her actions and how she could act / react in a better way next time. She’s a mostly well-behaved child. DD2 may be a different story.

Maybe try and teach them to choose their own cooling off method.

I think it's a terrible idea. Exercise should be fun to foster a love of it.

@MagdasMadHouse

Yes I can see the difficulty in relating exercise with wrong doing, but also think a child who is violent, for example, might benefit from expending their angry energy in a better way. When I am angry or stressed I like to walk, run or swim. Something solitary and where I can set the pace. Or sometimes I use that energy to get a job done like the hoovering.

Then you make sure you incorporate exercise/an outlet for their energy into their normal daily life. You don’t just order it as a consequence of bad behaviour.

If they are angry/tantrumming you offer them a chance to take some space, work through their thoughts. You make suggestions like going outside and screaming of jumping on the trampoline. As a solution to their current excessive energy levels. But not as a punishment.

@MagdasMadHouse

Maybe I don't discipline my kids at all then, idk. I remove them from the situation, give them time to reflect/get out of emotionally heightened/ dysregulated state, before talking to them about what they have done wrong (in an age appropriate way) and what they can do to rectify it (apologise and/or make a suitable amends). What I was considering was instead of sending them to spend time alone to reflect/calm down instead giving them some time to exercise.

What you are doing is discipline.

Give them time to exercise? Sounds like you're telling them they have to exercise as there is no chouce2. Hence a punisment.

If you said "hey let's go to the park to let off steam" when you see them getting wound up, or choosing to make sure you get out each day that's fine.

Do x ercise in front of me until Im happy you've done enough truly awful.

Personally I have never disciplined my children. I talked to them about kindness and explained the affects their behaviour might have on other people.
They are both adults now and are kind and hardworking and get on with everyone.
Just because you don’t discipline your child doesn’t mean that they will grow up to be not nice adults.

Also should add both are ADHD (dd is going through the assessment at the moment) so I know about anger issues.

How old is your child? What are they struggling with?

Have you tried the book "How to talk so lids listen and listen so kids talk?" It's really good for reframing approaches to situations.

I wouldn't think it is a good idea.
Maybe use exercise to prevent a negative energy build up but when in explosion mode time out/calm down is the best option.

To reiterate someone else further up, you're already discipling. Discipline means "to teach", contrary to the negative connotations of the word. Talking about what went wrong/why, thinking of ways to make it right - that's discipline. By all means, add exercise to the list of ways to teach your kids (in calm moments) how to process feelings/stay mentally healthy.

I think I mean like "why don't you go jump on the trampoline/ride your bike for 5 minutes and then we will talk about what just happened?" Than "Drop and do 100 push ups" with no follow up (the drill instructor).

They are still quite young so not at the teenage stage yet, but I don't think punishment works with teens either. I got chased out the door with punitive discipline as a teenager. I want to do it differently, and know that exercise is marvellous for anger management and getting out of a dysregulated state, but yes maybe it's better to use it as preventative, and using an alternative "thinking time" strategy.

I have one child who uses the thinking time to plan a complicated revenge, and another who forgets why they are in trouble almost instantly (also escalates situations instead of calming them down).

I think you need to think about what your response would be if they said "no, I don't want to bounce on the trampoline for 5 minutes"?

If you then say, "ok, fine, what else will do do to calm down then?" that's helping them. If you say "you will do 5 minutes on the trampoline now because you have been naughty" that's punishment.

My toddler was being an arsehole this morning so I built him an obstacle course. I said something like ‘I notice you need to move your body a lot, shall we play a fun game instead of climbing all over mummy and hurting her?’ Not a punishment, just redirection. Discipline isn’t always purely a reward and sanction system.