Would you ever use exercise as discipline?

[MagdasMadHouse]

So, I've been thinking about discipline techniques, would you ever use exercise as a discipline technique?
I think the sulking thinking chair/space doesn't work for all kids, and that maybe some thinking time whilst doing something more physical might work better? But I don't want to feel like a boot camp drill instructor either! Where's the line? Is it ok to send a teenager for a walk or bike ride, but not send a toddler to do burpees?

Yes I guess it's better to catch like at the early stage of frustration/irritation to suggest they go do some exercise, than when things have blown up.

Thanks yes i do see it as a teaching opportunity. I see anger generally as an opportunity to get things out in the open and make positive changes. I don't think anger is negative. Violence is but anger isn't, if you learn to use it properly. As an adult I would say or think "this is making me really angry I'm going to walk away and get some perspective" that's what I want to teach my kids. To be able to calm themselves down, and then deal with the difficult situation better next time and make any apologies and amends. It's just working out how to get them there.

Personally I have never disciplined my children. I talked to them about kindness and explained the affects their behaviour might have on other people.

This is discipline. Discipline doesn’t mean punish. You discipline your children throughout their lives simply by teaching them appropriate behaviours. Both by your verbal cues and by modelling it in your own behaviour.

Yes I guess it's better to catch like at the early stage of frustration/irritation to suggest they go do some exercise, than when things have blown up

I would work exercise into a routine when anger isn’t on the horizon other wise you are still making the association between anger and exercise

@UhtredRagnarson

Personally I have never disciplined my children. I talked to them about kindness and explained the affects their behaviour might have on other people.

This is discipline. Discipline doesn’t mean punish. You discipline your children throughout their lives simply by teaching them appropriate behaviours. Both by your verbal cues and by modelling it in your own behaviour.

By definition, discipline is punishment.

What the OP and PPs are talking about is behaviour management, modelling and parenting.

No definitely not. Our local swimming club allegedly had a coach who got the kids out to do press-ups if they messed around. And my son's football coach used to do the same (and/or send them to run a lap of the field). I don't think it should be used as a punishment - as a pp said, fine to send a grumpy teen out for a walk or run to give them thinking time but otherwise not.

So self discipline? What’s that? You can’t agree that is punishment??

@UhtredRagnarson

So self discipline? What’s that? You can’t agree that is punishment??

We’re not talking about self-discipline.

If discipline is punishment then self discipline must be self punishment.

@UhtredRagnarson

If discipline is punishment then self discipline must be self punishment.

They’re two different things. Not sure why you are arguing the definitions.

Maybe exercise like 'jump on the trampoline for ten minutes' BEFORE things kick off to divert a boiling point of bad behaviour.
When DC are starting to get antsy it's definitely a good diversion. I get where you're coming from.

I use it as a regulating technique. If a tantrum or upset is brewing I suggest they they go outside for a run or jump around to get their endorphins going. They don’t always want to but will do and always feel better for it - mine are under 10. We talk a lot about the positive impact of exercise on mental heath and emotions. I like to think I’m teaching them coping techniques for the future.

I do. My son gets sent to run 5 laps of the garden. It works for me. We all get time apart, he gets to burn off some excess energy while having time to think about his behaviour.

Because you are being obtuse.

I have, several times, with both 8 and 4 year old followed my mother's advice for poor behaviour with young ones: "Put them outside or put them in water." I am sure it doesn't work for every child, but sometimes you need to calm them (bath or swim) or tire them (run or outside play). Neither is really punishment as a negative consequence. Just me acknowledging that they are in a heightened state and need to change that with help.

There's a huge diffeeence between "lets all go in the garden and do x" and being say locked out in the garden for a while.

I would never use exercise as a punishment as I don’t want my children to associate exercise with something bad. I think that could be quite damaging in the long run. I have insisted my children come out for a walk and fresh air when they’ve been grumpy but not as a punishment just to help clear their heads and it often works.

@MagdasMadHouse

I don't mean punishment, I mean discipline. Which are two completely different things.

Yes, apologies, I misunderstood what you meant.

I think when you put it like that, it's very different. I see what you mean about it being different.

Sorry.

While kids are young distraction or moving attention to an outdoor activity is a far easier way to diffuse a situation than blame and punishment.

As for being sent to a room/naughty step/thinking chair I don't think that works for a lot of children either....

Learning to go and do something physical when you are angry isn't punishment. It's teaching coping mechanisms and the ability to walk away before you do or say something you may regret!

My son has autism and we taught him when he was getting to angry how he feels and what makes him feel better. For him it was a bean bag to throw himself against and throwing (soft!) balls against the wall.

Once calm he would say he's ready to talk and explain why he's upset.

It's actually a life skill to self regulate.

"Right I think you could do with calming down, go for a walk for a bit and clear your head." Fine "you seem frustrated, I want you to go for a run and burn some of that stress off." Cool.
"You didn't clean your room, 50 press-ups!" No.

Yes I meant as an alternative to the thinking chair, not as an alternative to punitive discipline which I don't think works

Thinking time doesn't really work for the reasons you've outlined - no child really sits there contemplating where they have gone wrong.

They are either angry, seeing the whole isolation/blame as a huge injustice and will stew on this in various ways.

Or if they fear a harsh punishment the time is just filled with fear/anxiety - not thinking about their behaviour at all.

Or it works as a cooling off because it removes them from the situation, but it doesn't cause them to think about their actions, they just do something else. You still have to talk to them about it later, after they have cooled off.

I mean, think about any time you were in trouble as a child and sent off to "think about it" - did you really??

I think exercise would work a huge amount better than cooling off really - but would not expect it to involve the child thinking about their actions. However, it would likely be more effective at helping the child get into a place where they can discuss their behaviour. There's often no sense in trying to discuss it while they are still riled up about whatever it is that happened in the first place.

Have you read The Whole Brain Child? It does actually suggest something like this as a way of connecting the "upstairs and downstairs brain" (it's supposed to be neuroscience applied to parenting but using layman's terms and metaphors so it's easy to understand).

I wouldn't, for the same reason that I wouldn't use food as discipline. I'd like to foster a good relationship with exercise so it wouldn't be associated with wrongdoing.

Absolutely this!

I don’t use exercise as discipline but I do use it to calm them down - but I’d never say it was for that reason.
When my daughter is being difficult I will make an excuse to go for a walk knowing it will clear her head and calm her down.

Sending your kids away from you for "thinking time", or the naughty step or "exercise" or whatever are just pointless. If they're as young as they sound from what you say about their reactions to "thinking time", OP, they're not capable of assessing their behaviour, thinking about what went wrong and how they could do better next time. They just don't have the brain capacity. They only know you're sending them away from you, which surely doesn't make them feel nice. Have a look at doing 'time in' rather than 'time out'.

I do. My son gets sent to run 5 laps of the garden. It works for me. We all get time apart, he gets to burn off some excess energy while having time to think about his behaviour.

Surely this associates exercise with negative feelings like feeling angry/something to do when they’ve done something wrong.

I think it would be better to calm down and then go out for a run.
I don’t think using anything like exercise, food etc to deal with emotions is good as you need to learn how to deal with things yourself. What happens if they don’t have access to these things like when they’re in school?