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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu and nosey or thoughtful and caring?

73 replies

AprilThe8th · 28/02/2021 13:47

Bit of a long one.

This morning I saw ambulance responder car and police car outside the neighbours house opposite.This worried me as an elderly couple live there who I'm on hello terms with.
I messaged our friends who live next door to them and asked if everyone was OK and they reply saying we don't know but will try to find out as we're worried too.
Couple of mins later they messaged back "he's died " which was awful news.I decided to send a card to the neighbour via moonpig as I wanted her to know we were thinking of her,chose 2nd class option so wouldn't arrive too soon.
After I'd sent the card I messaged the other neighbour to double check the house number as its not visible (something I should have done before sending obviously but I seconded guessed myself)

Neighbour replies oh it wasn't Mary and Joseph it was their neighbour on the other side that's died sorry if any confusion! So then frantically trying to urgently cancel with moon pig so my neighbour doesn't get a bizarre bereavement card for a husband who's probably sat next to her as she opens it!

I think I've learnt a lesson today to say the least!

OP posts:
Original poster
AprilThe8th · 28/02/2021 15:28

I'm not drawn to drama at all I just wanted the woman to know we were thinking of her.Youre creating drama on hereby writing that so maybe you're projecting that onto me?

OP posts:
HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 28/02/2021 15:30

I haven’t rushed off to send a condolence card immediately upon hearing of a death. You have
So eager to send the card that you got the wrong recipient and had to call a call centre to cancel the card

Original poster
AprilThe8th · 28/02/2021 15:32

I wasn't eager at all that's a sick accusation tbh and says more about you than me

OP posts:
HeelsHandbagPerfumeCoffee · 28/02/2021 15:35

You were so prompt in sending a card that the wrong person was the recipient

You had to call the call centre to cancel the card.

Original poster
AprilThe8th · 28/02/2021 15:39

It's easy to be prompt online..I made a mistake which I've admitted to. Don't make me out to be some kind of ghoul ffs.

OP posts:
ParkheadParadise · 28/02/2021 15:40

I would never think to send a sympathy card from Moonpig.
I would buy a personalised card from Moonpig but would buy a sympathy card from a card shop or in lockdown the supermarket.

HangOnToYourself · 28/02/2021 15:42

Ooof you are getting a hard time op, it's hard sometimes not to react when you hear bad news because you want to do something to help even just send a card. It's the sort of thing I'd do "while I was thinking about it" because I have a shocking memory and wouldnt want to forget.

AtSwimTwoBerts · 28/02/2021 15:43

I feel like such a dick tbh but ive given all my neighbours a giggle at least

Someone still died, its just that you don't personally know them. How is that remotely funny?

Original poster
AprilThe8th · 28/02/2021 15:44

@HangOnToYourself exactly! but this is Aibu so it's gonna happen

OP posts:
Original poster
AprilThe8th · 28/02/2021 15:47

My neighbours said they were giggling at the mix up,they weren't giggling at a death HmmThey have a sense of humour.

OP posts:
Beseigedbykillersquirrels · 28/02/2021 15:49

It does appear slightly distasteful to be honest. I don't think it's particularly amusing either - someone, just not the person you first thought, is a grieving widow. I'm not sure how funny you cocking up which neighbour is the widow is really.

freddiesmoustache · 28/02/2021 15:50

Yep, you love the drama. You didn't even know who had died, you're ordering impersonal cards online before the body has even left the house, imagining that your mix up is the talk of the road and posting on here about it.

This is an actual person that has died ffs.

Original poster
AprilThe8th · 28/02/2021 15:53

Noone is a grieving widow,he lived alone.

OP posts:
Original poster
AprilThe8th · 28/02/2021 15:53

It's not the talk of the road I messaged one neighbour out of concern

OP posts:
OverweightPidgeon · 28/02/2021 15:55

I think it’s a bit off to send a card when the death hasn’t been officially announced by the family and has only been heard about by gossiping neighbours.

SchrodingersImmigrant · 28/02/2021 15:56

You can say "this is Aibu so people are harsh" but mate. People usually wait for the bodies to at least cool down before sending cards😱
It looks like this all happened within minutes of you spotting the police, that's just plain odd amd you really shouldn't be surprised people tell you that.

Original poster
AprilThe8th · 28/02/2021 15:56

Yes it was misjudged and in my original post I said id learnt a lesson from it but the vitriol I've received on here isn't fair.

OP posts:
OverweightPidgeon · 28/02/2021 15:59

Don’t post about being a dick if you don’t want to be called one then

Original poster
AprilThe8th · 28/02/2021 16:01

@OverweightPidgeon There wouldn't be an aibu if people didn't do that

OP posts:
LaurieSchafferIsAllBitterNow · 28/02/2021 16:02

@AprilThe8th

Noone is a grieving widow,he lived alone.
who were you sending the card to then?

Do you like to leave flowers at local accident spots too?

lockdownwithwhoresdrawers · 28/02/2021 16:03

Why are you sending a sympathy card to the neighbours, they aren't his family! They just happen to live by the deceased widow.

Original poster
AprilThe8th · 28/02/2021 16:03

The man I thought it was has a wife,the man who died lived alone its not that difficult to work out

OP posts:
Emeraldshamrock · 28/02/2021 16:03

Next time pause, give the bereaved a few days before ordering a card.
Hand post if they are within walking distance.
I'd find it impersonal to receive a card in the post from someone a stones throw away.

CovidCrow · 28/02/2021 16:04

It comes across as though you wanted to be 'first' to send one for some reason.

Yes I thought the same tbh.
It's all a bit ghoulish isn't it, wanting to be the first to know the news I'm surprised op wasn't out there taking photos to put on Fakebook.

UhtredRagnarson · 28/02/2021 16:04

who were you sending the card to then?

A woman who is hopefully not about to find out from her neighbour she is on “hello” terms with that her husband has died unbeknownst to her.