Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Telling my son he can’t go and hang around with the adults

46 replies

J333gr · 27/02/2021 17:08

My 10 year old ds has really taken a liking to the neighbours. There are 3 of them all in their 40s who sit outside distancing chatting and having beers. He will deliberately ask to go out on his bike when their outside and will just end up lingering around them. He’s having a total meltdown because I’ve told him he needs to leave them as they are enjoying adult conversations and may not want him there.

OP posts:

Franpan · 27/02/2021 17:10

He can’t hang round middle-aged beer-drinking male strangers sounds like a no-brainer to me.

Conkergame · 27/02/2021 17:12

Aw OP he’s clearly feeling lonely and wants someone other than immediate family to talk to . Are you able to arrange any meet ups in the park for him with a friend?

LubaLuca · 27/02/2021 17:13

Obviously he mustn't be hanging around with middle-aged people drinking. They're only being polite if they entertain him from time to time, they'll be grateful if you tell him to keep away from them.

Original poster

J333gr · 27/02/2021 17:15

@Conkergame he is struggling big time! He did have a run around in the park with a friend last week and chatted on the phone/PlayStation to a couple today but we’re really far away from all his friends from school

OP posts:

Emeraldshamrock · 27/02/2021 17:20

Aww it is a hard time when they're lonely, they might be friendly they may not, it is not appropriate.
Would he go on a walk with you or setup some fun at him?

intheenddoesitreallymatter · 27/02/2021 17:21

Bless him, he sounds very lonely.

Does he have any uncles who could take him for a kick about in the park? Are there any neighbours' kids you could arrange a play date with?

It's such an awful time for everyone, hopefully he picks up when he goes back to school!

Can you do something nice with him to cheer him up?

Original poster

J333gr · 27/02/2021 17:22

@Emeraldshamrock we’ve already been for a walk, he’s being a miserable bugger - doesn’t want to do scalectrix, 3D car puzzles, painting or Lego! Out of ideas

OP posts:

Roszie · 27/02/2021 17:29

No he can't do that. They won't want a kid hanging around and won't want to adjust their conversation to suit.

Justcallmebebes · 27/02/2021 17:29

I was in the park today with my gc's and a few kids just tagged on to us and started chatting. I really noticed how quick kids were to blend and form groups and chat away. No doubt the result of a year's lock up and seeing the same faces day in day out

UhtredRagnarson · 27/02/2021 17:30

@Franpan

He can’t hang round middle-aged beer-drinking male strangers sounds like a no-brainer to me.

Op didn’t mention their sex

Emeraldshamrock · 27/02/2021 17:36

Tbf it isn't unusual to have a tag along neighbours DC chatting at the garden.
Especially if they're in between friendships at an awkward age.
As long as he is mindful of not annoying them.
I have to be a helicopter parent with DS I'm often out watching in the summer, there is one girl rest are boy's, she beelines to me it doesn't bother me most of the time.

Franpan · 27/02/2021 17:36

UhtredRagnarson

True. I inferred it. I could be wrong, but how likely is it?

UhtredRagnarson · 27/02/2021 17:39

@Franpan

UhtredRagnarson

True. I inferred it. I could be wrong, but how likely is it?

How likely is it to be men? As likely as it is to be women.

Franpan · 27/02/2021 17:40

How likely is it to be men? As likely as it is to be women.

I disagree. But let’s leave the OP to clarify if she wants to.

Tal45 · 27/02/2021 17:41

Remind him he'll be back to school in a week (if he's in England) and soon be able to see all his friends xxx

UhtredRagnarson · 27/02/2021 17:42

OP my DC started trying to do this last summer. The only other children on this street live two doors up and they are teenagers 15/16/17. He was just turned 11 and craving some company. Neighbours spend their summer evenings sitting out the front drinking, are very friendly and will chat with him but they get rowdy and I didn’t want him around it so I just had to keep finding reasons to call him over to the house and find things for him to do in our garden or house. He lost interest with them eventually.

UhtredRagnarson · 27/02/2021 17:42

@Franpan

How likely is it to be men? As likely as it is to be women.

I disagree. But let’s leave the OP to clarify if she wants to.

Anna12345678910 · 27/02/2021 17:47

@Franpan

He can’t hang round middle-aged beer-drinking male strangers sounds like a no-brainer to me.

This! Safeguarding...? Why would adults males drinking beer want a 10 year old kid hanging around them. Why even ask, surely you realise this is inappropriate!

Original poster

J333gr · 27/02/2021 17:49

So just for the record, it’s 2 Males and 1 lady. Sometimes 2 ladies if male 1 wife joins. They are all lovely people but still!

OP posts:

Anna12345678910 · 27/02/2021 17:50

@Franpan

UhtredRagnarson

True. I inferred it. I could be wrong, but how likely is it?

In any event, it seems rather odd that he has a meltdown when he cannot hand around with adults sat around drinking. What's the attraction for a 10 year old ....

Original poster

J333gr · 27/02/2021 17:50

@UhtredRagnarson it’s good to know it’s not just him! He’s always been soooo sociable and I’m just worried he’ll start annoying people!

OP posts:

Original poster

J333gr · 27/02/2021 17:51

@Anna12345678910 because he just likes to be around grown ups, he thinks they’re cool and can’t wait to be one!

OP posts:

Franpan · 27/02/2021 17:58

Yeah, that’s not appropriate, OP. He just can’t.

Original poster

J333gr · 27/02/2021 17:59

@Franpan I agree 100%, it’s really hard to explain why to him without hurting his feelings. He thinks I’m just horrible and doing it to upset him

OP posts:

UhtredRagnarson · 27/02/2021 17:59

Yes my son is exactly the same OP. He has always been drawn to adults rather than children his own age. He has SEN and children find him annoying and he gets frustrated when he is left out of their games or sometimes made fun of. With adults- they tend to be kinder and have patience with him so he gravitates towards them. It’s something I’m hyper aware of as he grows older as he is extremely impressionable and eager to be liked so vulnerable to being exploited.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread