Airbrushed parenting vs my actual day...

[OHthatbanana]

So I was thinking about the 'parenting' I have done today and realised on the surface it actually doesn't look that bad...

Here is what I could write on social media to seem like a lovely mummy annoying twat- :

Today my darling 3 year old woke us up with a smile. My lovely husband made us pancakes and bacon for breakfast while I peacefully drank my tea. Then a wonderful family dog walk followed by baking and gardening with my little angel. Now relaxing together for the rest of the afternoon. #blessed #sugarfreecake #familytime

BUT here is what really went down...

Woke up to our 3yo diving into our bed and kicking us lovingly in the face and screeching wildly. He then decided daddy had to get up and let the dog out and tbh I totally agreed 😁

There were indeed pancakes for breakfast. The house slowly filled with smoke while I navigated a toddler tantrum about... I think it was wanting to go for a walk... while trying to drink tea and keep the dog out the way of the screaming child.

I did the washing up of course while said child wipes a dirty sponge on the window by the kitchen sink. He was helping apparently... I decided it wasn't worth the fight and he cheerfully carried on.

Our delightful dog walk consisted of a tearful toddler who only wanted to hold daddy's hand and was in constant danger of being tangled in a dog lead.

Baking was actually me dumping an instant cake mix into a bowl and watching with a sad accepting smile as ds smeared the mix into his thick curly hair. It's ok though, he wiped the excess on his clothes. I hate baking...

I turned around and was shocked to find more washing up had been magically created. So I sent ds into the garden unsupervised while I washed up and checked Facebook

Gardening was just me filling up plant pots and attempting to get ds's attention long enough for him to put a seed in, all while he screeched loudly pretending to be annoying a clanger. I also hate gardening...

Now I have stuffed myself with definitely NOT sugar free cake and stuck a movie on so I can get an hours relaxing time and contemplate whether I should feel more mum guilt than normal or just go with a regular amount

Aibu to ask for your versions of your perfect days vs what actually happens because I'm fed up of all the 'perfect instamums' and actually think none of us are doing that badly in the grand scheme of things?

My 3 have all played lovely together in the garden all day whilst I’ve cleaned the house too to bottom with all the windows open to let in the fresh air.

I kicked my 3 kids onto the garden, opened the windows so I could hear if any of them scream / sound in danger of imminent death or serious injury, then laid on my bed for 30 mins or so whilst I thought about the cleaning I should of been doing. Then cleaned the bathroom, made a cuppa and this time sat on the sofa while listening to the kids. Did a bit of washing up. The house is tidy because they’ve been on the garden all day. Nobody is dead yet, unless they did it quietly.

Beautiful sunny day, met friend for first time in months with Dd and new baby. Fun in the sun, making memories. (Scotland kids don't count).

Reality.

Took me weeks to manage to be brave enough to leave the house with both. Baby screamed all morning. Dd had a tantrum on a scale I have never seen, ripped her coat, was almost sick. Friend may never talk to me again, I forgot how to collapse pram, drove home all three of us hysterical, pram still in field.

I'm enjoying the peace and quiet while my children are at the park.

Actual... I'm a nervous wreak imagining all sorts of weird scenarios and resisting the urge to check on them as it's the first time they've been to the park on their own.

(Nearly 8yo a d 9yo, park two minutes walk across a field, no roads, in an Army camp so limited stranger danger...)

Kids happily playing on trampoline and with water pistols, enjoying fresh air and exercise, bring independent enough to make their own breakfast and lunch.

Reality...garden time about 45 mins tops which was after 4 hours on various screens this morning. They got their own food because neither were kind enough to make me a cup of tea first thing so I told them yo sort out their own meals, which, at 15.45 has consisted of crisps, pork pies and cereal. I may or may not make dinner.

Haha love these, good to know I'm not the only one not living some ideal lockdown life 😆

@brokengate well done for getting out for the first time with two. Major props to you!

Ask my kids. I've spent all day being evil.

Actually, had a Covid jab yesterday and am feeling a bit poorly today. Still took them all to the park and helped my daughter around with her new walking stick. Bought icecream for everyone before deciding I could no longer take it, my head was pounding like mad and coming home.

I then had to explain to DD that her neurological movement disorder would not be able to be shelved just so she could go out and build a base with her brother. Evil mother.

Had to explain to DS that he could not dig a trench in the garden. Evil mother.

Reminded DH and youngest DS that I have a fucking headache while they raced around playing some sort of game which involved howling like wolves and making a god awful mess. Evil wife AND evil mother.

Wait till they find out I'm not cooking dinner.

@FuckingFabulous oh you evil, you! Apparently wine is a good cure, but you have to have a decent amount for it to have any effect.

What a beautiful morning. Woken by darling OH to say he'd taken the day off and was spending it with us instead. Hooray! Toddler DS asked, bright eyed and bushy tailed, to go downstairs and have some breakfast. We spent some lovely time together watching his favourite TV programme and he helped me make his breakfast. He's such an angel. Then OH took DS into the garden whilst I popped DD down for a long nap. Just blissful.

Reality:

Screamed awake by DD. Managed to get her back to sleep but OH came in drowsily saying he wouldn't be going into work and flopping back into the spare room. OH got harassed as did I until we took DS downstairs - a combination of door slamming and roaring like a dinosaur to make his wishes known.

Breakfast consisted of DS wanting to put on the washing machine and the dishwasher and see what is in the oven (nothing) and slam the oven door shut (made of glass) and press the microwave buttons until we are driven to insanity. Stirring the porridge results in most of it outside the bowl.

DH took DS in the garden after constantly being asked to, despite him saying yes, each and every time. The whole garden episode ended in tears after DS grazed his arm.

The only thing blissful thing was DD's nap!

Lovely morning gardening in the sun with my cat; lovely afternoon walking in the sun with my older son.

Was actually 30 mins of pulling ivy out of every other plant, while my cat attacked me (he was in shock that I’d shown any interest in the garden). This afternoon’s walk was painful - sun was in my eyes and my boots are clearly too small, so I arrived home with squinting, red and watering eyes and blisters on both heels. Fucking hate walks.

Nothing better than a kiss and cuddle from my beautiful daughter.

Reality: Daughter has no concept of consent (we're working on it) and grabbed my head and tried to turn it so she could kiss my nose after I'd said no. Stormed off in a temper when I told her not to.

What a lovely morning! We baked fresh croissants with homemade jam and then the toddler played with his cars in the "wild playground" we've created in the corner of our garden. Had a lovely healthy lunch of scrambled eggs and fresh salmon and spinach and then we cuddled under the blanket for stories and TV until naptime.

Reality...croissants were those ones from the freezer which you pop in the oven for 15 minutes (still yummy, though!), we're overdue a tip to the dump and so have some old metal cupboard shelves and various other junk sitting in a heap in a corner of our garden that DS is fascinated with, I still haven't got my arse in gear and removed all the dead plants from last year so our garden is more 'dead' than 'wild'. The salmon smelt off after being cooked, so I chucked it in the bin rather than risk food poisoning. That's £6 I'm not getting back. We read one book and then I gave in and we watched 8 episodes of Paw Patrol. DS, despite being tired, spent 20 minutes refusing to nap so I let him get up and now he's having meltdowns at every little thing including being offered a snack ("I want a big bit of cheese, Mummy". "Ok, here's another slice". "No, not two small bits. A big bit!"). Oh, and our garden is now trashed even more than usual and the junk is no longer neatly piled up in the corner.

After a busy but super-productive week, finally get to enjoy some much needed time to chill, just me and the DC #family time #relaxation #blessed

We've done fuck all, because Mummy is at the end of her fucking rope and has no more fucks to give, basically! I have had the most horrendously busy and stressful week at work, didn't manage to shut my laptop until 10pm last night and this morning DS (2) was up at 4am and would not go back to sleep. 4am I tell you!! It's inhumane!! Then at 7am DH gets a phonecall and informs me there's a crisis at his work that only he can deal with so that's him out of the picture for the rest of the day. DS (2) is exhausted (because did I mention we've been up since 4am??) and teething so it's been back to back screaming tantrums over absolutely nothing all day. DD (7) is bored of walks, bored of bike rides, bored of the park, bored of crafts and baking. She's also tired and grumpy because DS woke her up too. She tells me she just wants to play with her Barbies and draw today (fine by me!) so the kids are still in their pyjamas, I'm still in my pyjamas, Cbeebies has been on in the background since 6am and aside from feed them, watch them play and occasionally mutter something vaguely encouraging (like "yes that's a lovely picture, DS but next time could you do it on some paper and not the wall??") I'm not sure anything I've done qualifies as actual parenting but frankly, it's about all I can muster today!

Send Gin.

Loving the spring weather! [Pic of girls rolling down the grassy bank]

Vs chasing the girls round the house and shouting at eldest just to get them out the house, then them taking it in turns to strop and both refusing to get more than 300 yards from home (woods walk abandoned) and youngest getting eldest in the eye with a branch.

I have a friend who posts lots of hashtagged blissful photos on FB #preciousmoments #makingmemories

I know the tantrum wrangling, cake mix smeared truth #houseisatip #wheresthefuckingwine

Arts and crafts in the garden followed by sandpit play and family movies cuddling on couch.

Reality= my 2 and 4 year olds painted the fucking patio while I was in the shower. I forced them to the sandpit while I tried to clean up but that ended in a spade war of epic proportion so I've put the TV on for a bit of peace.

Woke to a coffee brought to me by loving husband. Our weekend groom arrived to catch and groom the family horses. After a second cup brought to my by DS, I dressed and joined the children and groom outside. Rode out in beautiful woodland for an hour, chatting about conjugating french verbs to my 12 year old son. Returned to turn out horses and immaculate yard.

After a health lunch replacing the croutons with chickpeas in my Caesar salad to keep down those carbs I spent an hour enjoying working through some algebraic problems with my highly academic son followed by a snooze on the sofa watching ‘list it or love it’

It must be approaching wine o clock....

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

My spirited and lively DC did some imaginative outside play and some landscaping! They then came inside for some sibling bonding and a lovely film. My eldest completed her relaxing and diligent self-care routine.

Reality: They decided the time was ripe for a garden pond and ravaged the lawn. I didn't realise until they'd been at it about an hour and decided it wasn't worth the fight, so bundled them inside for a film while I filled in the hole they dug. My eldest used all the hot water on a bath and bath bomb that has stained the bath light blue, then smeared fake tan into the carpet and let some bronzing balls trialing the hallway. The youngest are now marauding the house in search of plastic bags to line the "pond' with and ive just had to wrestle a plastic mattress protector off her. Dreading the ensuing confrontation once they realise what has happened to all their hard work. Feeling very evil.

The poor carpet is not only suffering the effects of "self-care" but also what appears to be half the bloody lawn in the living room. #livingmybestlife #lovemykids

My niece was dropped off at 8, at which point I'd been awake for hours completing my daily yoga rituals and drinking celery juice. We've spent the day doing meaningful activities, learning and eating nutritious food. I'm looking forward to having her stay overnight!

My SIL knocking on the door woke me up, I ran downstairs in a t-shirt and pants to greet her and the baby. We sat on the sofa watching Friends in between naps and feeds. I've eaten a whole dairy milk bar and some apple dipped in nutella #health. I had a glass of red while watching DH prise the Goblin's baby's hands out of his beard #bonding. Our cats are hiding upstairs- tails out of reach of the Goblin. Dominoes arrives any minute. DH is getting the snip. Send help.

@brokengate

Beautiful sunny day, met friend for first time in months with Dd and new baby. Fun in the sun, making memories. (Scotland kids don't count).

Reality.

Took me weeks to manage to be brave enough to leave the house with both. Baby screamed all morning. Dd had a tantrum on a scale I have never seen, ripped her coat, was almost sick. Friend may never talk to me again, I forgot how to collapse pram, drove home all three of us hysterical, pram still in field.

I LOVE this hope you're ok now

Had a lovely trip to a park and garden with DD before lunch, then some baking in the afternoon and reading a new book.

Reality, we did go to a park and garden. DD had two (loose) poos which needed to be changed in the back of the car and used up half our time at the park. I made crispy cakes and DD got chocolate all over her face, then tore a page of the new book and crumpled it up. Had a few tantrums on the floor of the kitchen while I tried to do the dishes. #blessed

Had a lovely day today, woken by DS who wanted cuddles in bed, family walk this morning and then home for lunch. This afternoon we played in the garden and we caught up on some jobs at home. DS has had tea and now playing until bedtime.

Actual: DS woke at 5.30am and immediately started shouting 'mummy', I offered to put the tv on if he got in bed with me and dh for a while so we didn't have to get up. We went for a walk where half way round DS got cross and announced he 'was sad at me' as I wouldn't carry him back to the car. We did play in the garden, acquiesced to setting up DS' small bouncy castle as he's been asking for months -days- which he had a tantrum about when I said I was turning it off if he went in the house, not even tidying it away. The jobs involved cutting DS' hair and trimming his nails which I've been putting off as he hates it. DS did have tea and I've got wine and on Mumsnet and dh is watching the rugby until bath time.

Up bright and early for the morning sunshine. Out for a walk in the park and garden enjoying beautiful day with toddler. She learned a new word today! #makingmemories #preciousmoments

Reality: was up at nearly every hour of the night as toddler still feeds every couple of hours. Couldn’t get back to sleep after 5am feed. Felt nauseous all day from lack of sleep. Garden is a death trap and toddler spent her time pulling her shoes off and trying to walk in the pond. At 14 months old she only has two words (not used in context) and the one she started saying today was more of an almost word but oh well.

The photo moment: my toddler angelically giving his newborn baby brother a kiss on the forehead, spontaneously and unprompted

30 seconds later: 'now you put him down. You my mummy, you cuddle me. I not like you cuddle him'